Insert Swearish Rant Here

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
Really feeling grumpy and angry and vulnerable. My head has been particularly sore for a couple of days and I have been taking Codeine which runs out in the evenings and I reside at bedtime. DH keeps talking really loudly, in a high pitched voice , to the cats despite me telling him it’s going through my head like a knife. Then he came up to the bedroom with goddamn jazz flute playing on his phone. I told him he was being selfish and we got really snippy with each other. I get very grumpy when people are loud - and he is an exuberant person which I wouldn’t want him to be otherwise but - I Just don’t think it’s a lot to ask to have noise muted when things are particularly bad. It must be so tiresome to live with me because headaches aren’t rare. But if he has a headache I tiptoe around him:(. He’s brilliant, truly he is but I’m really annoyed about this and I don’t think I’m being unfair
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Freaking eye infections. As soon as I go out in the cold again - there it is. Because my prosthetic is plastic it doesn't carry heat so the damp surface is an invitation for infection. At least putting drops in is easy but still, you gotta get them over and under the prosthetic. Pain in the ass.
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
why do we have to have signs that tell people not to pass the snowplow on the right? I want to believe that the intersection of the set "can drive" and the set "passes snowplows on the right" leaves a very small subset, but I know thats not true, they are f*cking everywhere and every body else has to watch out for them and read the signs that remind us that there are people in that group on the road with us, every day.
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
why do we have to have signs that tell people not to pass the snowplow on the right? I want to believe that the intersection of the set "can drive" and the set "passes snowplows on the right" leaves a very small subset, but I know thats not true, they are f*cking everywhere and every body else has to watch out for them and read the signs that remind us that there are people in that group on the road with us, every day.
I used to drive a Citroen 2CV . I love them. Not fancy, Exceptionally cheap to run and simple to keep operational and cope with country life beautifully but park easily in a city. Backseat big enough for a wheelchair and a dog - I used to take a giant breed dog in my back seat . They are like the original ( car) SUV ( of course the real original is equine)

But they are unsafe Because they crumple on impact - not a crumple done but the whole car - and however safely and well I try to drive , some idiot is out there doing things like passing snow ploughs on the right . I’d love another but - I don’t trust other people.
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
I’m a bit shocked I’m returning here so soon . Maybe I am really getting in touch with anger which is letting be get better and spotting when to vent if ?

Ok - I’ve had a shitty few days of health - not that out of the ordinary not crashingly bad, migraines ( added to by hormones) over doing things, everything kicking up the fibro and M. E. and my other health conditions . I managed to eat a healthy breakfast of porridge this morning but my guts said ‘no’ about 15 minutes afterwards. I’m stuck in the bathroom vomiting and - we’ll- other stuff, and the great lump of a father lets the make dog in with Dogtor who is in season. So there is now added stress while I’m puking and I’m trying to yell or text - separate the dogs or don’t leave them alone .DH is in his ‘gym’ ( a little collection of free to collector exercise equipment at the back of a barn with no livestock in it) and I underhe needs to take care of himself but I physically cannot manage the animals ( including my father) while puking on the lavatory ) . Dh should not have to do it so I’m angry at that too but I’m angry at my own failures and at my father’s inability to be a capable human being .


( tbh the boy dog probably doesn’t know what to do But we have a responsibility to prevent pregnancy and no desire to do otherwise even without that obligation)

It definitely triggers old and unrelated stuff like not being visited in hospital by parents who took no responsibility etc .

But I’ve recognised it. If i weren’t always puking or collapsing or something it would not be so much of an issue because I’d be more self reliant ( hi avoidant attachment!) and it’s aggravating me now because I am dependent and I am indeed scared and angry ( oh , hi disorganised attachment) .

I always end up just cross with me because ultimately it’s because I cannot take care of myself anymore and disappear in a car full of critters. Get a job quickly, doing anything, and be alone . ( and miserable alone but ‘safe’)
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I'm really f*cking frustrated 😠 😡 👿 😤

I'm getting quite bitter about the things that have happened in my life and the asshole it turned me into. The f*cked up mess that I became. The person other people didn't want to be around. I'm also really scared at the moment that other people have written loads of shit about me on the Internet. I've got this horrible feeling that there's some kind of dedicated Wikipedia page about me.

I'm too scared to look.

People f*ck your life up and it changes your behaviour and rather than try and help they just shame you by writing horrible things about you.... c*nts.

I've tried being a better person but it hasn't got me anywhere. I heard someone say once that "you don't get anywhere in life by being nice".

I feel useless. Abandoned and cast out.

Moan, moan, moan. Me, me, me. f*ck it. 😞
 
I know feelings are valid and I don't want to change yours @Survivor3 , and you've got to be true to yourself. And I even admire people who have stood up for me, as I can't it seems. But just to say, I too feel pretty vulnerable most of the time, though I've also been unkind sometimes, especially from a place of fear or self-recrimination. But you know what? If it wasn't for the people who actually were (legitately) kind to me, I don't know where I'd be. A shelter in a storm I can't defend myself against. You might never kmnow what difference you've made.

Some people just act like as*holes, there's no easy way to say it. 😔 But if they had everything in the world I still wouldn't admire them or want their company.

ETA, I couldn't think of anything to add, since most of my swearish rants are self-directed. 🤣 But I've got one- my coworker has an air raid siren as a phone alarm, at top volume. 1st time I thought we'd been bombed. 😖😧 2nd time I mentioned it, jokingly. It continues. The people I work with, know nothing about WWI or WWII. They are 40-60+ 's. 😩 But mostly, yes, they act like As*holes. With a capital.

Please don't change. Being kind and not cruel, for real, is a rarity.
 
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