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Insert Swearish Rant Here

WTF?? One eyed, left handed, and color blind, isn't Fecking enough??? Lets throw in a couple trauma incidents too. Juyst for a good mix of f$cked up. Oh and a little gas lighting narsacistic abuse while PTSD is going nuts too. Now I'm p!ssed off beyond belief but so exhausted I can't do anything about it.

Oh, and its Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend perfect F%cking time to find trauma stuff! Yeah, lets do extra stressful stuff and hang out with family in the middle of this 💩.
 
Ok new doctor, I know you are still figuring things out and learning to trust our staff but I'm actually considered a good restrainer. I know what I'm doing. there's very few lthings in life I'll say I'm good at and that's one. So freaking trust me and listen to me.And your slow in everything else so slow the f*ck down in this. And never ever take your hands off a dog on the table. wtf was that? IF I hadn't not fully listened to you that dog could have gotten hurt. And I could have gotten hurt because of your stupidity.
 
Dear people, if you get a pet for f*ck's sake take care of it. that's not a choice. the choice, if you can't take care of it is to find it a new home. And don't stop taking care of your pet because it's old. that doesn't f*cking matter. your pet needs more care.And if it's time for euthanasia don't f*cking leave your pet. I used to be able to be more empathatic. I know how hard it is. I know. But when you're dog doesn't even know us because you don't bring her in for appointments, and then you deposit her and walk out the door, well f*ck you. I'm sorry. Again, I know it's hard and I probably should be more understanding. But the meme is true. They look for you. They are scared. And I can do everything in my power to comfort them but it's not f*cking enough.
 
okay, everything I can't control is doing what i wouldn't want and I only have one reaction available to it all at this time: Silent apathy on the outside, inner desire to spring out and hit the ground in no stopping me now mode. No one would like the force I would use but I bet they would appreciate the chance to see what they don't see now.......indecision leads to team failure. At this point even a bad decision gets us up and moving. Get it decided and fill me in, my opinions are strong but my ability to keep them in check is waining. Until then you get what I have to give. silent apathy. tried the other. Silence. Apathy. enough.

Life is divided into family, health, social, and work sectors. Social can go f*ck themselves. Work is such a drain on me, the only time I have to interact with people i gave up on trusting literally decades ago on a daily basis. When this goes to the next level, when I am retired and life is family and health sectors only, I will blossom like a rose. right now I keep my buds in tight cause if we get a bloom it aint gonna be a rose. oh hell no.
 
Love expects nothing, but loving people who want you dead and say so, or threaten so, or people who abuse, including those with silence and disrespect, or are full of lies, is mental. I'm not Mother Teresa and I'm sure not Jesus. And that's right, I don't love unconditionally, because I did expect to be treated with basic regard, as even a dog or stranger would be. Did I deserve that much? Is that not what I see others expect? I withheld thinking and saying 3 words to each and everyone of them, that is true: Go.To.Hell. Better still, allow me, since Heaven ain't worth being forced in to with your presence. Each and every one of you. Thanks for the true colors. Thanks to your influence I have zero vestiges of the meager faith I had left. Did I deserve that? Because you all seemed pretty happy with dishing out your own hate and disgust, in words and in silence. I hear non-stop of your needs, did you ever ask me mine? Go F yourselves you make me puke. Love doesn't hurt, lie, threaten, harm or turn a blind eye. I am pissed, disillusioned and disgusted. Or maybe, enlightened. // Rant over. Blah blah blah.
 
Thank you @ladee , but tbh it just feels shameful. And not very gentle-hearted. 😢 However it also is true. Yet too anger makes for mistakes and I can't afford them at work, have too much to stay present with and too many t's to cross and i's to dot. It's no one's fault other's words set me off. But compared to anyone and everyone else I see, my expectation is not too high. It's actually too low. And I still believe, if other's intent is to treat poorly or want to harm or make you feel badly, or to control, through threats or silence, their actions say what they feel about me too. I wish I could fly off, based on them, and I wish I could crawl under a rock until then, based on me. My fault they caused me hurt? Idk. But I feel like the chapters shouldn't be closed the whole book should be burned. 😢

ETA, I also think, I have apologized, they do not. They don't feel there's cause or motivation to, I guess.

I saw this, all I noticed was his dog tags, and looked like someone I'd get along with, end up at the bar with. It is too much a religious bent for me, but it was funny/ ~not funny. True enough, given ptsd. If you have to bail from the rant go to the 5 minute mark. But you know, who can you expect to understand ptsd? Other than here. Who can you expect to treat you with understanding? Idk but my stress cup is full, and I think my heart now is empty, or gone, or will stay closed and baracaded. I do feel like a shell.

 
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I'm sorry I missed the edit but I will say this @ladee , for those we gave to or tried or overlooked or accepted their struggles, they had no idea what it required of us to do it. Best to stick with people who do understand what it takes, and therefore what it is worth.

Thank you, as always. 🌹💙🤗
 
MOTHER f*ckER
f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ckITY, f*ck

SON OF A f*ckING BITCH.

I am not where I need to f*cking be to deal with you like a reasonable person, not that your f*cking putrid bullshit deserves a reasonable response. You asinine, egocentric, smug motherf*cker.

But I f*cking allow it to stay in my life, so f*ck me too. Stupid ass.
 
the sign on the side of the road with a smaller lane MERGING with the bigger lane and continuing on upwards to the arrow and onto an implied destination now means " look out! Assholes from another lane are going to try to cut in, defend our lane against the intruders!" I was not aware that there had been a change.
I think there is a lot of stress in everyone's lives and maybe the race car/demo derby drivers are doing their level best to be sure they are causing some and not just receiving it. Don't know if it is helping them to drive like that but I can say that they are creating stress in my life, if that was the goal it has worked assholes.
 

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