Insomnia

[Jen93]

Okay, so I've had insomnia since I was about 2 years old. I keep waking up, and then I'll try to fall asleep and I will. I guess normally it's more interrupted sleep than not being able to fall asleep.

I'm having nightmares as well: but also weird if the fact that I'm seeing flashbacks in the dark at night when I'm awake, but there's no trigger, just me and my thoughts.

I've been seeing the "scenes"- new and old, however, in the dark. So, I end up in my Mommy and Daddy's bed, and I can't sleep there either sometimes because I'm so worked up.

Is this normal? I'm eighteen years old, but I just feel like I need to be hugged in the middle of the night and kept safe. (Is this like my inner child or something telling me I need my Mommy?)

[Just a note: Yes, I am eighteen and still call my mother Mommy. I refuse to call her Mom. I think it's connected to my trauma somehow.]

 

[intothelight]

Jen,

I have girls 27, 21 and 19 that have suffered some really bad abuse. When things in life, or memories, hurt them, they just want to be held and listened to. Yes, i have cuddled with them as they cried until they could fall asleep. When it is dark and they are hurting and feeling all alone, I am mommy. I am there to love and to comfort. I don't think it is weird, I think it is human. I am 51 and wish I had a mommy.

If your parents were not your abusers, then it is perfectly normal to turn to those that love you for emotional support. As you work on healing and get stronger, you will find that you will sleep and will feel more independent. Please do not feel bad for needing to be loved and comforted when things are rough. But work to address the problems that cause the pain.

 

[lifeguard17]

Is this normal? I'm eighteen years old, but I just feel like I need to be hugged in the middle of the night and kept safe.

Hi Jen, this is the same thing I do! I'm 20, but when I was home over the summer and in a really bad way, I just went into my parents room and stayed there. I do it because it reminds me of when I was little and used to do that, before everything went wrong. I don't sleep, like you, but it helps me to calm down just lying there with them knowing they are the same people they have always been, and maybe if they haven't changed, I haven't changed that much either.

Don't worry about being seen as normal. It is normal to seek comfort from people who have always comforted us, it is human nature to want to be held, and it is normal to want to feel safe. If it helps you sleep, if it helps with your symptons, do it, and if anyone asks, tell them it's NONE of their business, no matter what they think, they won't change how you seek comfort from PTSD!

My sister tries to wind me up whenever I do this, and it took a long time for me to be able to say f*** you, you don't know what I'm going through! At the end of the day, my PTSD is getting through each day, and (most of the time, I'd be lying if I said it was always) I'm able to not care if people think I'm being anti-social, or immature, or rude because it's a marathon not a sprint, and I have to do what will get me through each day, not what they, or society, says I should or shouldn't be doing!
Best of luck

 

[Kb3]

In the early days after my most recent trauma I would frequently need my husband to hug me when I would have trouble falling asleep. Even though I knew that I was safe, I didn't feel that way, and having him do that for me would help me ground myself in the here and now.

In the end, you have do what it takes to get through the difficult moments. Hugs are positive ways of managing fear, so good for you for looking after yourself positively. Things won't always seem so frightening.

 

[Jen93]

Thanks guys. Still trying to handle it. I just went to my parents room last night after not being there for a month. Apparently I never slept as a baby. I kept crying and I'd need to go for a walk at two in the morning to go to sleep-just found this out from my father this weekend. I guess it's just how it's always going to be-I'm functional on an hours sleep-just not always in the best mood. Oh well-if it's not broken, don't fix it.

 

[ericaboo]

When I was young the only thing that would work is if my Dad would rub my tummy until I fell asleep - maybe relaxed those abdo muscles that were keeping me from hyperventalating. bless him.

 

[712xx]

I've never had any real lasting warm connection with anyone, but do know what it is like to have issues with sleep. I didn't have a structured schedule as a kid (when I was at my family's houses). Wherever I fell asleep is where I fell asleep -- and sometimes would wake up and not know where I was and get scared. If I woke up, I did a lot of weird things like go outside to the neighbor's backyard and slept with their dog ... or found a bedding closet to sleep in.

When I was an inpatient, I'd have a regular schedule to follow. I don't ever remember having any problems sleeping as a kid during those times in the hospital. Of course, I was given medications to help get to sleep -- but, I'd be so tired even before they gave the meds; I'd be half asleep already and be mad they were keeping me awake to give me medications for sleep, lol.

Now, as an adult, I live alone. I sleep with the lights on, and have special blankets with a certain smell that comforts me. Having a regular schedule helps a lot. I do sometimes fall off the schedule (like now) and problems start getting worse because of it. So, I'd suggest a sustainable schedule you can easily follow (I need to follow my own advice, lol).