Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies

[shadowchaser]

Well lets see.... my experiences...

First guy talked like he thought he was captain Kirk. He also thought he was an Einstein and didn't catch on to the number of times I corrected his speech.

Then there was the guy who wouldn't talk much but wanted me to come over to his place to watch war movies with his war buddy. He said his buddy has ptsd also and he understood what it is like day to day. But he creeped me out and got distant after he found out I have mobility limitations.

Then they guy who contacted me after asking a friend who is on the same site how much a quicky would cost.

Finally of all things a milk man (truck driver for Kemps). We clicked and it was awesome. I thought I had finally found someone. He took all of my quirks in stride and was very understanding. I'm a shy person and even over the phone I don't open up but we talked for 4 hours via text one night. A new record for me... but I lost my phone and the next day he was already with someone else.

 

[shadowchaser]

Almost forgot the one who got mad at me for not looking my age. I looked to young for 32 and I obviously lied in my photo or doctored it up. My profile pic is me with no editing.

 

[njray]

Whether u meet at a bar, internet site, school or just walking down the street you need to exercise good judgement and for someone with unmanaged ptsd or any other disorder that may be and I suspect often is difficult. Are there successes absolutely and that is what you here about most as scientifically proven we prefer to want to hear and share non embarrassing of failure stories that are against odds. We see those on the ads or in advertisements and maybe in some posts here. But for every successful connection. I would be interested to see the cost of the failures in psyche damage and financial damage caused by bad internet dating connections as to be honest most do not report them! nor would they ever want to!

 

[Gloria]

I love your interpretations. I want to hear more stories. Yes, we PTSD sufferers need to exercise more caution. I have been having strange experiences or maybe I am just naive. But I talk on the phone and really connect but then find out the guy is totally lying. Or I meet someone and they seem to really like me and keep kissing me (like I am going to kiss back a stranger?) and then don't want to see me again. I guess they just wanted sex. Well, I am a nice person and sincere in meeting someone and on the internet dating site so why couldn't there be a nice man? The trouble is finding them. Yea and the older guys that are open to having children. Pisses me off that my ex who doesn't have any contact with his real son because he never paid child support or visited his son or gave a hoot about him - put on his profile that he wants children. He's almost 60, broke, fat and can't even keep his house clean and he wants to have another child? That's a just a lure for those 40 year olds who are childless and are desperate to get a husband and child.

I am doing this Buddhist Zen thing where I am trying not to judge people and just accept them for who they are. Apparently, these people who are doing all these crazy things are trying to fill a need - whether it is sexual or ego related, I can't say. But I am starting to realize that having loved ones in your life is THE most important thing to me. I wouldn't care if I was a millionaire if I had to be alone and I wouldn't care if I lived paycheck to paycheck if I was surrounded by those that love me.

More stories please! I think this helps everyone!!

Hugs,
Gloria

 

[njray]

I am not here to judge others but only myself.......damn if I could stick with that I would be a better person. That said the world is not a perfect place. I have hurt (Not killed) and been hurt (not killed). I will speak only in myself today as I am of humid in the brain and a bit lethargic. I think (Know) there are both men and woman that out and out lie on the sites because they can hide the screen of non personal contact and real face to face socializations..... period...What the statistical break down is of those that lie more I will not say because I do not know.(Hmm is not telling your true age or not divulging plastic surgery lying? Is taking out some of the grey before taking pic to post not telling the truth?) IMHO I do believe those m/f with disorders like PTSD might be on the sites that have notmanaged themselves do exist. Just look at the symptomologies and they tend to be people that are not out and about in social situations beyond the comforts of where there computer may lie.

Does this mean all with PTSD and such are rabid freaks? NO! I suspect not but chances are I would only think to myself that the symptoms of those disorders may rear some ugliness in a relationship at some time if not properly managed.. Even when managed there seems to me that there might be the occasional slips along the line and if the other partner is not of clear mind or in a mismanaged state themselves I again would think that chaos again may happen with greater chance as with 2 persons of things like PTSD if both are un managed...

AGAIN THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS! THE WORLD IS NOT PERFECT! That said I believe we all have different expectations, needs and wants and if not communicated clearly whether over the net or in person the chances are greater of failure. Please do not beat me up here... If you have certain symptoms of PTSD that may lead u to the net to find comfort in your social/primitive needs you may not find if you did not have the computer and because of this disorder you may find the need to lets say not tell the whole truth to obtain them. (F i am just guessing through some limited education i will admit) "Jesum crow" I feel like a bad Dr. Phil.......

I have refrained from looking for a relationship beyond friendships period at this point! Because I know I am vulnerable to myself and I may harm another (Psyche that is ) because I am in mismanagement at this time. Does this mean I cannot be social? ...absolutely not. Am I an animal just on the prowl? Nope! but in my personal past experiences there has been times I did not want relationships to get to the physical but because of my personality and I guess sometimes physical needs and the needs of the woman I am with sex happened (in this case of I speak of only me) But often with great remorse on my, my partners or both of our parts some time after as there really was not connection beyond the physical... Even though deep down inside we might want more than just physical because of clouded minds and disorders in mismanagement the physical aspects took over which should not have.

Hey I have both a right and left hand should I need to be with a different woman in my dreams. TMI or what ..but it is the F-ing truth....Ikes and please woman if i see one more vibrator infomercial at 4 in the morning? I Know i aint buyin them for me...... So please lets get off our high horses fix ourselves first the best we can be honest to our selves and find friends first and see where it goes slowly....... (Again I hope to practice what i preach but no lie it is hard) as for me and me only I am on the sideline trying to manage myself and if a friend comes along they may be in for the shock of there lives because I am going to try my darndest to not live the un truths I have been living with any more.........

Not sure if this is what u were looking for "gloria" but i can spice it up if you like It may take me a day or 2 but only kidding!!! lol...no LMFAO...... as I type into the glare of a computer screen baring my soul........ believe me this is not baring U want baring revisit here in about 3 years (hehehe snicker grin)and you will see shit that will make you never to want to have sex again until you have been with one for at least 2 years dating as friends again in my opinion and again I speak of only my self today as of one with mismanagement in my disorders that I am and will learn to manage to be the whole person I know I can be... To which i would be wholly proud of and the person that may chose to be with me will be proud of also for the "right reasons"..........

Done and ready for the stones as I am under the garbage in the pool but hurry up as I have limited oxygen!

 

[Gloria]

I kind of kind of get lost in your thread a little. I guess you don't feel ready for a relationship. Yes, there are people with PTSD on the sites and not getting treated or working at recovery. I already know that. I don't think that PTSD in itself destroys a relationship. I have read a lot of books and gone to a lot of retreats that talk about this. People with PTSD must work consciously to overcome their symptoms. My therapist told me that I have made extremely good progress and should be symptom free within two years. I think PTSD sufferers have a problem with trust (it's either black or white) and they can get hurt.

I know from my reading and retreats that dealing with someone with PTSD can be difficult but PTSD sufferers also are usually very appreciative and loyal to their mates. There are worst things to have than PTSD. I don't drink, smoke, gamble or anything like that. I would think that having PTSD is better than having an out of control addiction.

Anyway, I just would like to hear other's real life experiences. I think it makes the whole loneliness, dating thing a little more bearable. If we can kid around about it or laugh, that's a good thing.

 

[mamachick]

njray-I agree, we might all be a bit dishonest, its to what degree and does it hurt the reasonable other person. If I color my gray-is that deceiving? Much differently deceiving than Mrs Weiner might feel as she has just discovered she is pregnant by a man tweeting his weiner across college campus. We are not saints and have all hurt others if we have lived at all-that is being human-as is forgiveness-but we know the difference between not divulging our true hair color or uncovering our nut to the world with a pregnant wife at home.

Gloria-no support, 60,fat, broke, cant clean the house and is luring some woman into having a child. I guess the woman that he lures will have to cope with the same that you and I have in order to get stronger and wiser. It is very sad yet when I read your words above, I laughed so hard because I dated a guy that said he was a former FBI agent and was now a driver for a major corp. That was plausable for me, someone is an FBI agent-not rocket scientist. Did not impress me. That was his former job.

I worked in an area that I have seen a lot of trauma. One day on a 2 mile walk, this man starts telling me about a shoot out drug deal where he shot a man and his 8 yr old kid saw the whole thing. The kid was crying, daddy, daddy, etc.
My boyfriend had tears in his eyes telling me this. Then I got tears in my eyes. Then he showed me his abdomen, where a bullet piece was lodged. He was hospitalized for 6 months and his partner was killed in that incident-that is when he left the FBI. More stories that I wont share.

Later his mother tells me about his appendicitis attack when he was 20-thats where the gunshot would was. He was a big fat liar. Finally after confrontation, he confesses that he made the FBI job up because he felt bad because I have a masters degree. I feel sorry for him and stay awhile. Then he gets fired from his job for writing bad things on a bathroom wall-he is 50 -fat-bald-no job. I am 50-built well-intellegent-lots of hair-you get the picture. I dump him.

Now he has to put a gun to my head to get me to leave the state with him. This resulted in his arrest. We must find humor in these pathetic lies otherwise we would ever get out of bed.
Ummmm Maybe I didnt tell him my real hair color but so the F----what, So we all know Truth
None of us are completely honest-this is true. We do know right from wrong.....

 

[njray]

Gloria, I misunderstood what the intent of this post was as I did not read all the threads just mostly yours...I shall step aside...

Brat - Love the Weiner reference as I have many thoughts re; "Right vs. Wrong" and the difficulties for some of us to separate the different levels, grades or perceived meaning of such that are diagnosed with PTSD. However I do not think this post is where I should express them. So again I graciously bow out...

njray

 

[mamachick]

njray-well I was enjoying your contributions and I do have the ability to be all over the place anyway. While I think it was intended for topic of internet dating sites, I listen to the news and it doesnt get me any closer to trusting dating in any form. Bet mrs weiner didnt meet mr weiner on match, or tiger wood, or the foot tappers wife and all the others. Maybe the vibe is the way to go....hehehehe
I had coffee with a guy friend yesterday that just ended an internet relationship. He talked about how great and fun it was but just that she is not the person that he would want to be with one year from now. Are we all expecting too much? I just know that I have not worked getting out of one to get with someone Im even less compatable with.

 

[Gloria]

njray, Please don't bow out. I am slang language challenged. As a child, I didn't know how to jump rope or roller skate and as a teenager, I didn't know who the musicians were. I have an advanced degree but I am totally clueless as far as slang and street smarts so I need some help deciphering these nuts that are messaging me on the internet dating sites.

Brat, you cracked me up! I'm telling I've met the biggest liars on the internet. If I date them for a week, I start to think that maybe this guy is kind of normal but sure enough some crazy weird thing pops up and I run (not walk) away.

I'm so stupid that one guy called me at work and told me that he slept in a tent thinking of me. I thought he was an idiot and everyone in the office heard me ask him over and over why he slept in a tent. OHHHHH! I guess there was some kind of pole holding up his sheets???? For goodness sakes! I know that I have been propositioned without having a clue what the guy was talking about.

OHHHH! I didn't know that when you meet someone in a bar, they tickle your palm with their middle finger. I always wondered why men did that. THEN I found out!!!! Then I was at church holding hands saying the Lord's prayer and this pervert did that to me. I had a fit. How disgusting to do that in church praying. He was preying all right.

Come on guys, just educate me here.

 

[mamachick]

Did you know there is a web site called dating psychos dot com? Some have pictures and I guess there is no such thing as bak publicity hahahah

 

[Gloria]

OMG! I just advertised for a WOMAN to travel with me on my next cruise. I got a picture a proposition and a picture that you wouldn't believe. Oh I guess you know exactly what I got. It was under PLUTONIC.

Oh well. I don't believe that the guy sent a true picture. Probably some 80 year old bald guy getting his jollies!!

Oh, why can't just be married to some boring guy that puts up with me?