Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies

[Gloria]

Orsino,
Long distance relationships do work out sometimes. I know a couple from two differenet countries who met on-line and married after about a year. The only problem I could see (because I was involved in LD relationships a couple of times) is that when you kind of act differently with someone when it's only for a weekend. When I have friends over to my farm on the weekend, I don't sleep late and I put on makeup and smile a lot more than if it were just an ordinary weekend. Your gal seems really nice. I think you are a lucky guy and welcome to the forum! You know she can join also but she would be a carer and be able to communicate with others who are in relationships with people with PTSD. I dated a guy that wanted to join this site but I didn't want him to because I knew I didn't think he was my type.

Hugs,
Gloria

 

[anthony]

That's the problem IMO as well Gloria. Short bursts of time together are like the honeymoon period of a relationship. If your relationship remains that way, short bursts, it can survive. If you suddenly land in the same place, living together, reality is far different, which is what changes relationships IMO.

You have to be able to accept that reality, and remove the honeymoon period near immediately...

 

[mamachick]

Follow up of events since my last post about the internet date who invited his friend and declined rapidly in communication. The man is an attorney and lives two hours away. His self report...
He is very concerned about his reputation so he doesnt date women in his small town. Says that when things end badly its not good for business...um some truth in that, but just didnt sound right...

Turns out that he is a closeted gay and folk are getting suspicious. He is seeking some arm candy to maintain his image. I am good friends with several gay men and appreciate them dearly, my gaydar is pretty good but I avoided saying what I was thinking to him or anyone because I was uncomfortable seeing him again so it made no difference. However, he continued to pursue after I said no. Finally it came out, he is seeking a beard (woman to present to public).

I am sorry that people are so insecure that they are afraid to be who they really are. However, it is really hard to have an ounce of respect for someone who attempts to trick you for their own benefit. Now he wants to be friends-of course I declined that tempting offer-lol. Funny thing is, Im not even a bit mad. Reinforced the need to trust my intuition-and his behaviour had nothing to do with me. I guess there are a lot of things worse than having ptsd!!!!

 

[Gloria]

Brat,
What an experience! I love my gay friends but I have not gaydar. I met a man at the stable who had a great body, very handsome and extremely well dressed. I thought he was gay. He mentioned to me that he had to wear rubber gloves at work one time. So I assumed that he was a dishwasher in a restaurant and had a sugar daddy who bought him the horse. WRONG!!! :eek: I'm asking him to ride, sharing my apples and trying to really buddy up with him. Then one day in the tack room, he nails me up against the wall and kisses me and tries to touch me!!! It turned out that he is THE TOP Surgeon for kidney transplants in the area. He was married and his wife was pregnant --- but he was Italian and I find Italian men to be very nice dressers. He never left me alone. I would try to get away from him for a couple years. Now I have my own farm and besides my tack getting stolen, women having cat fights and men making passes at me, it is heaven on earth. I even let him try to ride my horse because no one else was brave enough as she was/is quite a handful.

Well, I may have met someone who is somewhat normal. He is from Europe and has a strong accent. I sure like him better than American men. I've dated men (and married) men of all different ethnic groups and religions and one from another country. I always say that European men are my most favorite flavor. I have been to Europe and I think there is some truth in the Ugly American. Europeans see us as fat and wasteful and rude. That is what they told me.

Keep the stories coming! We can write a regular instruction manual on internet dating with this material!!
:p

 

[Roger]

I have dabbled in the online dating since being diagnosed with PTSD. It can be bad or good depending on the type of people you meet. I think mostly I enjoy the communication with people and tend to back off once they want to meet in person. Plus, I find that a lot of people don't understand and don't want to deal with people who have PTSD. I did go on a date about a month ago with someone who I really hit it off with. We had a great time and were planning a second date. Out of the blue she said my problems were "too intense" for her and that was that. If you are going to do it just make sure you are strong enough to handle stuff like that, I know at one point I was not and that would have devastated me. It still hurt that someone I was starting a relationship with would dump me because of that reason but we all just have to move on I guess.

Oh and there there was the one who "loved" me from the first message I sent her, lol. I kind of got a kick out of that. She actually downloaded pictures from my profile and made a collage of her and I. So yeah, some interesting people out there for sure :)

 

[anthony]

Weird...

 

[mamachick]

Sorry Roger, rejecton or ms fatal attraction. You are better off alone. When time is right, it will happen. Dont settle.

The goof texted me tonight. I think he also drinks too much for me. Anyhow, I had the opportunity to do something thats not real nice, and after such great hesitaion I found such pleasure. OMG. The I prayed, Lord just make him go away and I will never be mean again-I promise. It was not that bad and not something he did not deserve, just out of character for me. I cant write it here.. I wonder how people can be so devious? Then he had the odasity to text an insult, and my comeback was priceless. Will make the drunk think twice or maybe three times ....Sick of crazies......

 

[Gloria]

Dear Roger,
Great insight. So you are one of those that message and message and then disappear when it comes to meeting. It happenedto me all the time. Brat, you are right there is a lot of hot and cold. Either they don't answer or disappear or become obscessed with me. I had a guy calling me about ten times a day - no exageration. I was so annoyed to find all these messages that I just didn't answer thinking he would figure it out in a week??? Nope. It went on for 3-4 weeks until finally I sent him a nasty e-mail telling him that I will report him to the police and to keep calling me when we never even met was insane. Roger is right that you have to be thick skinned in order to do this because it's ball busting even if you are a woman.

Brat, what did you say to the guy? I might be able to use it. If someone is not being polite to you, I think it is just perfectly fine to be rude to them. I talked to someone who I met on an internet dating site and he sent me an obscene e-mail on Christmas Day. I was so angry and said really mean things to him in reply. The jerk still e-mailed me for months. Yes, I did block his e-mail address but he would use new e-mails that would get through. I just deleted them until finally months have gone by and he hasn't contacted me.

 

[mamachick]

Hey Gloria, It wasnt even that funny or mean, I guess it was to me at the time. Last weekend, I trusted my gut in feeling something was not quite right and cancelled plans with him. Well, he attempted to lecture me (I have told him nothing) that we need to take chances in life and live or we will miss out. Basically that we need to throw caution in the wind and have fun. Well he was lecturing the wrong person but I was clear and firm with him but not rude. What an insult to someone with ptsd-but he didnt know that.

He continued to invite me out of town and I said no and ended the conversation. He continued to text me invites. There was something about him that was just not right. Besides my intuition, seemed somewhat boring, pretentious, and arrogant. Also seemed really old for his age, Im only 5 yrs younger but he seemed old. He did have hair, teeth and a job. Anyway, in a conversation I addressed what I suspected but with great hesitation. Alas, the guy is not straight but seeks women and doesnt even have shame about what he does. I know I have a bit of brain damage but I have to wonder about others when someone has so little insight as to their effect on others and tries to portray themselves as the funnest guy in the world when in fact he is quite boring. Talks about millionaire friends, as if I care. Ive dated millionarires, there are idiots amongst them too. Is concerned about his professional reputation-does he really think others dont know. Its all so stupid. I do think I have heard the last from him though.

Moral-trust your intuition, dont settle for less than you deserve, never hesitate to say no, change your mind, or even back out at the last minute when things dont feel right. And never take it personal

 

[Roger]

I honestly give you women a lot of credit for putting up with those sites. I know you must get like one hundred times more messages then men do :( Gloria, I wouldn't just disappear just keep making excuses not to meet :) It hasn't been all bad, I have made a lot of friends that I talk to and go out with sometime just for a bite to eat or coffee. I till have a lot of that "numbness" when it comes to feelings so it is hard to meet people. I am actually going out tomorrow night with someone I met and became friends with online :)

 

[mamachick]

Good for you Roger. I have made one very good friend from that. We work in the same profession and while we worked on some of the same cases, we had never met in person. He is a great guy and a good friend.

Since this morning, getting text again. Harmless just babble...

 

[Gloria]

I am actually going out tomorrow night with someone I met and became friends with online :)

Good for you. I don't want to discourage people but you have to have a strong ego to take the rejection. Most of the time you are not even being rejected - just people don't know what they want.