Interview For Documentary Airing Soon

[brokenchild]

I don't know if I've mentioned this on here or not. Last summer I was interviewed for a documentary about people who were kidnapped and survived/got out of the situation. I wasn't on video or anything, just voice recorded because I was/am scared of my abusers. I talked about being trafficked, how I go out of it, how I deal with it now, etc.

After the interview things got really bad. I hardly ate for two weeks, lost 10 lbs, became very depressed/suicidal, etc. The interview is the reason I went back into therapy. Things got so bad, so fast. I thought I was "over things" and it was made very obvious that I wasn't.


I had NO WANT to know when the series was airing or anything. Today, because of Facebook, I now know the series starts this Sunday. Even though my face will not be on T.V. and hopefully they altered my voice as well, I am still terrified. I didn't think it would bother me, which is why I went along with it to begin with.

I really hope I can hold myself together. Luckily to do not have a T.V. so I will not be watching it. I just need to keep myself from getting obsessed with it. I definitely do not want to find out when the episode with my story will air.

The old recordings are already starting. I have no idea how to deal with this this time around either. It completely blindsided me the last time but even with "warning" this time (by that I mean knowing it was going to air) it doesn't change the fact that I have NO IDEA how to cope.

This could be interesting. :(

 

[cherryblossom]

You were really brave to speak out about what happened to you. Try not to be fearful - like you said your face will not be shown. So long as you are now safe from your abusers, there is no reason to be scared. Try instead to be proud of yourself, of your strength for speaking out. Also be especially mindful to look after yourself. Lots of self-nurture if you can. If not, just basic self-care. You did the hard part, when the interview was done. Let us know how you are doing.

 

[brokenchild]

I've been struggling with basic self care, let alone anything else, since I got home from the cruise. All these things going on in my head aren't making it any easier, that's for sure.

 

[brokenchild]

Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous. I really think I regret doing it in the first place.

 

[cherryblossom]

As I've recently learnt, the only point of regret is to learn by our mistakes. By that, I don't mean that you have made a mistake (far from it - I think you are amazing for speaking out Link Removed), just that we have to learn to live with what we have done. Worrying about we have done in the past is just a waste of time, becasue we can't go back and change it. Yes, we can learn from it for the future. Again, you didn't do anything wrong. You spoke out, for yourself, and you spoke out for goodness knows how many people who have gone through similar. You have also spoken out for the next person who might walk in your shoes. Somewhere, someone (probably more than one), will be able to lead a better life because of what you shared in that interview. You have done well. You have done good.

Stay strong, and stay true to yourself.

 

[brokenchild]

I think the episode that will have my interview, if it made it into the show at all, is airing this Sunday. Ugh. Link Removed

 

[WonderingWhy]

Do you still plan to avoid it, or are you thinking about watching it?

 

[Hlost]

Wow, I had no idea this documentary was on this topic. To tell you the truth I usually avoid survivor documentaries because I haven't done all I need to there but this one really really hits close to home. I can just imagine what you must be going through having been apart of it. I don't know if I will watch or not, I'm sure I will have my husband record it if we get it here because I need to know if others are going through what I am and have...eventually. I will tell my tdoc about it just so I can deal with how, oh, I don't know:goingtocry:

Please take good care of yourself. I am sure you are going through a lot of different emotions. You can watch it or not, it's your decision entirely. Don't do it to punish yourself though, to make yourself afraid that people will recognize you or relive that time when you aren't not wanting to right now unless you are feeling securely supported, I would suggest that. We don't have to keep hurting ourselves because abuses hurt us enough for a lifetime.

Hugs,
Hlost

 

[brokenchild]

Do you still plan to avoid it, or are you thinking about watching it?

I don't have a TV so I couldn't watch it if I wanted to. And I DEFINITELY do NOT want to. No way.

Wow, I had no idea this documentary was on this topic. To tell you the truth I usually avoid survivor documentaries because I haven't done all I need to there but this one really really hits close to home. I can just imagine what you must be going through having been apart of it. I don't know if I will watch or not, I'm sure I will have my husband record it if we get it here because I need to know if others are going through what I am and have...eventually. I will tell my tdoc about it just so I can deal with how, oh, I don't know:goingtocry:

I used to be obsessed with watching/reading a lot of things that reminded me of my past, but now I avoid them. I just never know what it's going to do to me anymore and with working full time, going to school, all my activities, etc. I can't afford to fall apart.

I told my therapist and she asked if I minded her watching it and I said no. I gave her the name of the show, day it's on, and the station so she could watch it if she wants. Even that will be a little weird. The whole thing is weird to me.

I'm SO GLAD I don't have a TV