Pinkcookie456
New Here
Referring to my previous post regarding my guy, recently he brought up the idea of visiting me after he is done with the experimentation phase of his PhD.
I was very puzzled but open to the idea. At first he said we should just meet up as friends for coffee and all. Then drifted off saying that he wouldn't be able to contain himself and he would want to kiss me and touch me. I got very shocked because..he had said explicitly before that he was suffering from emotional numbness and that he has no feelings currently.
He asked what would I like to do. I just replied I would like to make it memorable (since we are countries apart) and go a normal date. The topic drifted off to sex. And I firmly said that I am not sleeping with him. I need emotional intimacy before I can even think of it.
To which he answered he was of the same opinion and that sex is something where he would be giving himself 100%, no shutting down and mind going blank.
I was blunt enough to ask if he was being driven by lust or feelings. He wasn't offended by my question but calmly stated that if it had been lust, he has been living abroad for a decade now he could have just slept with anyone. As far as the feelings goes, he remained quiet for what seemed a long time saying he just didn't know what he was feeling, especially when he is overwhelmed with the pressure of his PhD. Should I be seeing this as some sort of emotional breakthrough?
Our meeting up is months away for now. But it got me thinking about a lot of things. I am afraid he might be just using me or something. After all he did say he couldn't commit to me for now. I just feel there is a lot of imbalance, mainly me being totally in love with him and him not being sure about his feelings. His actions though seem to scream he loves me. But I am not sure. I might be wrong.
A week ago he texted me at night, saying he was going through a strong depressive episode. I stayed up to listen to him. He didn't open up much apart from saying he had a lot on his plate and that the gravity of time was burdensome for him (he has to submit in his research by March)
I reassured him that I am not going anywhere. And that if he needs anything I am just a phone call away.
As he started on his work, he became increasingly distant, withdrawing. I reached out to him last night asking how he was holding up. He was emotionless at first, it took him an hour to warm up to me then was back to his cheerful old self talking about various things.
I feel he feels better when I reach out to him, or fuss over. The most reaction I have gotten from him is when he sees me getting mad at him over not taking care of his health etc.
I can't seem to understand when should I be giving him space and when I should be reaching out to him.
Should I even meet him when he comes to visit me?
Is this normal in PTSD?
I was very puzzled but open to the idea. At first he said we should just meet up as friends for coffee and all. Then drifted off saying that he wouldn't be able to contain himself and he would want to kiss me and touch me. I got very shocked because..he had said explicitly before that he was suffering from emotional numbness and that he has no feelings currently.
He asked what would I like to do. I just replied I would like to make it memorable (since we are countries apart) and go a normal date. The topic drifted off to sex. And I firmly said that I am not sleeping with him. I need emotional intimacy before I can even think of it.
To which he answered he was of the same opinion and that sex is something where he would be giving himself 100%, no shutting down and mind going blank.
I was blunt enough to ask if he was being driven by lust or feelings. He wasn't offended by my question but calmly stated that if it had been lust, he has been living abroad for a decade now he could have just slept with anyone. As far as the feelings goes, he remained quiet for what seemed a long time saying he just didn't know what he was feeling, especially when he is overwhelmed with the pressure of his PhD. Should I be seeing this as some sort of emotional breakthrough?
Our meeting up is months away for now. But it got me thinking about a lot of things. I am afraid he might be just using me or something. After all he did say he couldn't commit to me for now. I just feel there is a lot of imbalance, mainly me being totally in love with him and him not being sure about his feelings. His actions though seem to scream he loves me. But I am not sure. I might be wrong.
A week ago he texted me at night, saying he was going through a strong depressive episode. I stayed up to listen to him. He didn't open up much apart from saying he had a lot on his plate and that the gravity of time was burdensome for him (he has to submit in his research by March)
I reassured him that I am not going anywhere. And that if he needs anything I am just a phone call away.
As he started on his work, he became increasingly distant, withdrawing. I reached out to him last night asking how he was holding up. He was emotionless at first, it took him an hour to warm up to me then was back to his cheerful old self talking about various things.
I feel he feels better when I reach out to him, or fuss over. The most reaction I have gotten from him is when he sees me getting mad at him over not taking care of his health etc.
I can't seem to understand when should I be giving him space and when I should be reaching out to him.
Should I even meet him when he comes to visit me?
Is this normal in PTSD?
