Intimacy - How Open To Be In Therapy?

[anthony]

Yes, there is no hard and fast rule about this Ichbin, and therapists do do it IF really essentially required to get the client trusting them so they will openup, however; the huge negative by doing this, is that the client often becomes set that this is now a requirement, ie. you tell me something, I tell you. That is a real issue, because therapy is not about the therapists life or issues, its about your own, and this changes the dynamics and places negative consequences into the clients mind, which then the therapist has another issue to get past with them, now trying to shift them from this tit for tat type discussion method.

Its not a big no no... but its not optimal for the entire process of what therapy is. That type of logic is used in some types of therapy, children being one, teens another, etc.. where they must be led, but leading adults is a dangerous practice because then you are removing the control from them and wasting time and energy divulging things that are irrelevant to the clients problems.

If it wasn't trauma therapy... this could be gotten away with a little more, but trauma therapy? No...

 

[IchBin]

Yeah I see where you're coming from, but with a degree in psychology and a fairly good knowledge of the background principles of transference, therapeutic boundaries, and the ethics of therapist self-disclosure, I think I could handle it. I don't see how a tit-for-tat requirement would automatically become the new set-point after trying something like this, especially if the ground rules were laid out before enacting it.

 

[anthony]

Difference is... you have a degree in psychology going into therapy, which makes you the rare exception to understand the dynamics of the discussion type your talking about!

Do you think that for others without that prior knowledge it would go as well as for you? I believe experience has stated otherwise, hence why those dynamics exist in teaching and practice. Is that about accurate?

If I didn't have such prior knowledge myself, I could see me intentionally derailing sessions if allowed to ask the therapist personal questions about their experience. If I got away with it once, I would use it again and again... especially when my own PTSD was really out of control. Knowing what I know these days... no I wouldn't, as I know it wouldn't help me, it would hinder the session.

Your advice / experience?

 

[SimplyComplex]

That has got to be a tricky one. I feel ok with my T sharing minimal things (i.e. we chatted about how hard we both thought pilates was or a short story about her kids that is similar to something I am talking about with mine), and I think if she were really careful I could take something more serious. But ... wow she would have to be very careful at this point. Maybe after I do the bulk of my trauma work and we are talking just about day to day stuff. But if it were now, I would have crazy transference issues (I was sort of my mom's "therapist" since I was very young) and I would struggle knowing the "right" thing to say. I am so weary of crossing that line I tend not to say much when she does talk about personal stuff. I think I would worry about saying the wrong things that might be similar to her struggles...I would also feel sort of guilty for not seeming more "interested" (because I am trying to not ask personal questions). And I do look up to my T. She is bright and seems together and is teaching me all those things my mom never did. I think if I knew a lot about her, I would have more trouble keeping the professional line clear and wish we could be friends...ya know?

So for me, I love the line. I need it. I assume she has had hardships, struggles...she is human after all. But I don't feel like I need her to have the same ones I have had to understand what I am going through.

Anyways, just a thought or two

 

[Sammie]

100% disclosure? I think I would need like 20 hours a week of therapy to get to 80%

I hear you, SC!! I feel like that too. I think it generally takes me about 1/2 the session just to feel reconnected and that's seeing her 2x/week. UGH!!

 

[Heather]

I'm curious if anyone has ever thought of asking the therapist to share an equally personal story to partially reciprocate revelation of distressing personal things in therapy?

My therapist has done this. I've asked him questions i.e. what was the worst that ever happened to him in his life? He told me.

He's used other examples of his life too when trying to make a point about certain things that we've been discussing.

For example: recently I've been having auditory hallucinations which have been really upsetting to me. I've never had them before. I guess to try and put me at ease he's used his own experiences and told me that he's had them..... everyone hears things from time to time that aren't there. Is what his point is. Nice try but it didn't work.

 

[Heather]

And I will add there have been things that I've asked him and he won't tell me:p

 

[BloomInWinter]

You can write it all down and just hand it to them... leaving the therapist to read in their own time.

Unless your T. tells you to stop bringing in your updates to your trauma diary. ...and you're not supposed to call nor email in between sessions. Though I did, once, call.

I won't make that mistake again.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Unless your T. tells you to stop bringing in your updates to your trauma diary. ...and you're not supposed to call nor email in between sessions. Though I did, once, call.

I won't make that mistake again.

Is calling your T.'s office once in a year's time to ask a question before your next appointment strange? Because the receptionist acted like it was weird and then I felt like an idiot.

 

[anthony]

Nope... can't say it is.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Nope... can't say it is.

Hmmmm....the receptionist acted like I was being inappropriately needy. I felt inappropriately needy but called anyway...and regretted it.

Maybe hubby and I need to see what other options exist for therapy for me....

 

[anthony]

Maybe the receptionist was having a bad day?