Sufferer Intro, To Can It Really Rain All The Time ?

[Tami Marie Cross]

I keep feeling as if I am going to break into hundreds of pieces and feeling so alone and overwhelmed and yet trapped in my own prison, yet trying my best to over come all I can in a very short period of time , to resort my life to feel me again, I keep telling myself I can be brave and continue to face the world and all it has to keep putting in my way to get over, just to feel human, loved, wanted, needed and not betrayed anymore by so many people that have continuously done thru out my life since I was born, and then learning to re trust is hard and difficult at many times, especially after being sexually abused a lot since I was 8 and on and beat and left for dead, and then as time is carrying on my night terrors of all of it are returning to a horrifying lot.

I find myself sitting and zoning and crying alot thru out the day and needing a cuddle from the biggest supporter I have ever had in my life, who then disappeared and i was then left to my own thoughts once again entrapping me inside myself and shattering my heart to unbelievable measures and pain, yet I force myself to get up everyday and deal with the awful loneliness and pain I have had to endure on me own, this past year which has been so shattering to awaken my ptsd triggers to immense proportions, :( very alone Welsh girl stuck alone in NY :( xxxxxxxxx

 

[franciemarnie]

Hi Tami Marie Cross and welcome. I am so glad you are here where you will find support and information and more. I am sorry you feel so alone and about to shatter. I know the feeling well. Some days it's just one foot in front of the other until a moment comes and I feel better again. Can't write much now but welcome!

 

[Tami Marie Cross]

Thanks Love ;) I am grateful for the response back by atleast one person , xx

 

[stephen cross]

Hi tami cross. I understand fully how you feel right now, it seems as if you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. We both know its there, you are a strong lady and have been through this torment a few times before and you will get through this. I promise... just try to keep going and not like me when times get tough head straight for the tablet bottle, which I'm getting help with

A little blessing from wales ...

 

[Tami Marie Cross]

Diolch yn fawr cariad, cwtchs, stop with all the tablet talk, cant give up ever, goals in front of me as you, so there is never a give up option anymore, have to overcome and get to the goals ahead, please, for our sake it will sort itself soon.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[stephen cross]

Hey tami cross, who said about giving up?? I'm the worlds biggest coward. I run away from things I'm meant to be responsible for in my life, my kids, but as everybody knows we have internal turmoils. Nobody can see, then poke fun at the nutter crying in the corner. Well I may be nuts but I'm honest. I just need a little help with life is all, I will give you a quote of a friend here, give me the child till they are seven and you make the man ... well we both were abused as children and we will support each other through the tunnel of turmoil. I keep fighting but I'm human and sometimes slip over. Lose sight of goals, but my goal is you tami cross... yes group I left tami in the usa, at this moment I wish I was dead but I'm going to keep fighting these flashbacks and voices ..... thanks xx

 

[Aussie42]

Welcome Tami, Thank you for sharing and expressing so generously. I understand your loneliness and longing just for a cuddle and understanding. Each step forward can lead to positive steps, that is what I tell myself everyday.

 

[naturebaby_85]

Hi tami,

I can't write as much as I'd like to right now,

But please know that you are not alone in your battles.

I too suffered child sex abuse, by brother, and last year discovered my partner was unfaithful, I COMPLETELY relate to the overwhelming pain in people betraying you and the intense hardships in learning how to trust again.

Please know the journey to healing is not linear, we will fall down, we will feel as if we leave in a 24/7 "funk" state where the clouds are only ever grey, but we will always have some unexplainable flicker inside that keeps us searching for answers to healing.

I too question whether I'll ever be the old me again who felt joy at the simplest of things, whose head was not so invaded by soul destroying triggers.. But I try to be patient, the journey to healing things that happened years ago will take a lot of time and effort. And whilst it's hard to see positives, at least we have the opportunity for such deep character growth - At times it seems a unfair consolation when weighed up against the pain we endure everyday - but I do try to find positives, when I'm not stuck too far in the corner.

Here if you ever need a chat, it appears our battles are very similar!

N =)

 

[Tami Marie Cross]

I am having trouble it seems as I have received two warnings off the admins here , for how my Grammer is etc. So I not sure and do not get the messages , as I am Welsh, not American and have been to two universities and am trying the best I can to express my PTSD. So therefore I do not know how to express myself any other way, considering the fact I have had my own groups etc. Sorry but I am new on here and just need a place to rant and express my human thoughts about how I feel nad my PTSD. Sorry , but am trying hard at this xxxxx

 

[stephen cross]

I have recieved warnings too. I'm trying to sort my grammar. But me and Tami both have ptsd groups on face book. We are both used to writing in face book . This site has a lot more information and help than on there. So please have patience with grammar. We are both here for help ...Thank you ...

 

[intothelight]

Hi Tami,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

This site has been created specifically for those individuals that have experienced trauma and suffer from PTSD, and for those that support them. One area affected by PTSD is cognition, so the easier and more clear posts are to read, the greater the understanding by the reader. That is why it is important that posts be written clearly and basic grammar rules followed.

This is an international forum and there are many members here whose first language is not English. There are also tutorials in the "Help Pages" section that you may find beneficial.

This site is full of information and support here amazing as you work on healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[wicked child]

That is why it is important that posts be written clearly and basic grammar rules followed.

Hello Debbie. Just to let you know that I have had a stroke. I sometimes make mistakes with spelling. It is not something I can help.