I know the thought of opening all that up again will be terrifying, trauma does leave us with an incredible amount of pain and yes, the process of therapy takes us back there. But, with the right therapist, it takes you back there in a safe, trusting, accepting relationship which is so healing in and of itself. Not going back there ever is a decision you can make but your body and mind will take you there anyway in flashbacks, intrusive thoughts etc which are part of the PTSD package.
It's so hard, I've been in therapy for a good 2.5 years and the work we've done has been excruciating at times but, I'm much less symptomatic, understand my triggers better and have a model of a good relationship to help me figure out what is and isn't ok for me in other relationships. I've literally had to learn how close, safe relationships work because I felt much more safe with people who treated me badly. The work has been so painful but I wouldn't now have swapped it for the world. I know it's scary but book work will only take you so far, damage done in relationships need relationships to heal.
