Introducing Myself

[Malian]

Hello,
I am very happy to find this forum. I have been suffering from ptsd for more than 12 years, plus trauma from childhood ; these last years, I had to cope with ptsd again while I had not healed from previous ptsd. I wonder if I am now suffering from complex ptsd. Looking forward to read your experiences and tips.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Welcome Malian

I am a supporter but can tell you there is so much helpful info on this forum and lots of people who have more experience than me.

Not sure what you mean by 'you had not healed from previous ptsd'. Perhaps you have received a formal diagnosis and had therapy. If so, I think it would be best to go back to your medical team to discuss this new trauma sooner rather than later.

LH

 

[Ron]

Welcome!

 

[Nighthawk]

Hi
Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome to the forum, Malian!

I have complex PTSD from physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect all throughout childhood. I have also experienced medical torture by having surgeries performed on me without anesthesia. The doctors in Germany thought I was profoundly mentally retarded and therefore could not feel. Of course my dissociation beginning in infancy was their evidence that they were right. I managed for a while by diving into the world of books and academia, thus being to superficially hide the scars. I had to numb my body and could not experience any of the joys having a body can actually bring you (e.g. feeling the sun shining on your face). I am only now learning to unnumb my body and learning to feel very basic sensations through therapy. Luckily, therapy is a safe place where I am allowed to ask any question on any topic I am curious about. My therapist will either answer, help me discover other answers, or we will try experiments to help me learn.

I have learned so much from reading everyone's stories on the website. I don't feel quite ass much like a freak anymore because there are bits and pieces of the stories that I can usually relate to. I hope that you find the site equally informative and that you make connections with people too. This forum and the sister forum on survive sexual abuse are my little safe havens. Finally I have found a place in which I can relate to the experiences of others even if their experiences are completely different.

Take a look around and join in on any of the discussions!

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Malian,

Your question on whether or not you have a C-PTSD should be evaluated by a specialist. Can you have an appointment with the specialist who diagnosed you with your PTSD ? If that is the case, then you would be a C-PTSD and not just PTSD. They don't say PTSD 1, C-PTSD 2, etc. It is either one or the other.

You might be interested by the wiki articles which will help you better understand what you are feeling and what is going on inside of you. Take your time, this is a great and safe place for support and reflexion.

 

[Malian]

Hi Lady Hope, when I started ptsd for the first time, I had no idea of what I had, it was really scaring. I made some search and finally understood that it was ptsd ; but I couldn't find any sort of help. I bought some books about ptsd on the net and tried to work on my feelings. It was after years of suffering. It gave me some good relief but I felt I was not healed. Then when a second ptsd arrived due to attacks during a few years, the situation got really bad. I couldn't handle it at all. At the moment, I think I am suffering a lot from retraumatization due to the total lack of understanding and respect of the illness from the people I am surrounded by. Starting reading the experiences of the members is giving me some hope. What a nice forum, so necessary ! thanks a lot for your care, looking forward to read more and participate.

Thanks Ron and Nighthawlk for your kind welcome.

Thanks a lot for sharing what you have been and are still going through, Global Deaf Nomad, I try to imagine how deep your suffering must be. Such terrible abuse during childhood must be so profond in your body as a child has no way to escape. I am so happy to see that you are on the way to recovery through this place. Yes, reading others stories helps to feel our own feelings. Take care, wish you to keep on very well, courage !

Hi Froggie,
The problem is that I didn't see any specialist. But when I saw the list of symptoms for ptsd, I had nearly all of them. For this second ptsd, I don't have flashbacks, but I react like if a bomb enters my body when I am reexposed to any little thing reminding me of the attacks. I should have to make some more search, as you say, in the wiki articles. Thanks a lot for your encouragement. I just feel like crying to be here after so many years of isolation and misunderstanding.
Take care all !

 

[Froggie]

Hello again Malian. Unfortunately no one can do a self diagnosis as there is specific treatment (therapy and chemical) for PTSD. Many things may ressemble without being really that or it being exactly that. For your own sake, bring your list and hypothesis to your family doctor. Through our Drs, we usually get into the system faster and have the adequate care. No one should be left alone with that as there is professional mental health greatly needed. This forum is a peer support group and therefore we are unable to go over and beyond that barrier. Hope this clears some things up.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Malian, welcome to the forum.

There is some great advice above. I agree with Froggie, it would be good if you could see a Doctor and receive specialist help. I would not be at the stage I am now, without the guidance of my wonderful T, I have my last session with him tomorrow.

The forum has also been invaluable for information, support and friendship. I felt so alone and isolated when I joined, now I have friends around the world and it was such a relief to know others felt as I did.

Take care
KP

 

[Malian]

Hi Kp,
You are so right, I really need a specialist but I live with mcs (multiple chemical sensitivity) and can't go in closed places safely and travelling is always difficult. Ptsd is making my mcs worse too, a vicious circle. If there is a way that somebody here advises me of a right person (not too expensive) to work with on the phone or by mail, I would really appreciate. Not sure it can be done on the forum.
Nice to see you are doing well here, I already get some relief reading all your comments in my thread.
Thanks a lot, take care too.

 

[Malian]

Hi Froggie,
I appreciate your advise. In my country, I couldn't find any specialists understanding ptsd. Ptsd left me like paralysed and scared of people too, then I even couldn't do more search to find proper help. And now my other illness (mcs) doesn't allow me much. Sadly, here, family doctors don't understand these type of problems. I understand the limit of the forum.
Being here, I am confident something better will come out for me. Looking forward to read more, thanks a lot again for helping me, take care !

 

[Icon Nikon]

Dear Malian,

Welcome, my friend. And sorry that I have been in the hospital (no worries) and missed seeing your introduction.

I too am relatively new to this forum, and have a long history of abuse and neglect. I also have rare autoimmune disorders, and an adult life that has stuttered along and been shaken by even more trauma and loss. And more recently that life just seemed to come to a screeching halt. So I feel as if I can relate to you and your plight to keep looking for the help/answers you so desperately seek.

When I read what you have written, I was both moved and sadden. And even though your replies show sincere gratitude, I hear, very loudly, your frustration, somber sadness, and sense of hopeless. I think if you read my introduction you would see much of the same. I know it must seem pretty bleak, and in that darkness it is extremely hard to reach out to professionals and people around you who just don't seem to understand or be able to help. I urge you to continue reaching out as you are doing here with us.

But please trust me, when I say that this forum is a warm and friendly and embracing place. A place to find solace, information, inspiration, connection, laughter, and most assuredly hope. On one of my darkest days, these friends on mine here warmly took me in and generously supported and encouraged me. And they haven't stopped since...

I am here for you (as is everyone else). Let this be a place you turn to and find at least some of what you need. Please do let me know what I can do to help.
Alex
PS - Thank you for liking my post in the Emotional Neglect thread, for it gave me this chance to meet you and to welcome you. I guess you might call this an "indirect" introduction of sorts. :)