Okay, so I'm Laycee, in my early 20's. I do not know why I'm alive still because SO MANY people use only 1 or 2 of the 'reasons' I have dealt with as an excuse to be irresponsible or jerks, which is something I simply can not do. Please stay strong you guys, life is a b****. This was what I went through until 17.
My parents were drug addicts that would leave me alone outside drug houses or waiting for up to days after "I'll pick you up at 6." My mom would have sex with guys right in front of me or would be too busy sleeping with someone to bother with me when I was asking for something. During this same time my older cousin would rape me when he would baby sit me as traing for his new girlfriend. I moved from there at age 11 into my 'loving grandparents'. Well my grandfather sexually abused me (but not rape) for just over 6 years every single second he was around me. Then he would tell me things like 'You need to relax, you need to calm down, you need to CHEER UP?!?!!?" He would also bitch about our food bills (only ate fast food or microwaved hamburger meat) as someone who made over 80k a year, and I only ordered off a $ menu and was an anorexic while they ate like kings from these places. I sed to pride myself on living off of 1- 1/2 dried ramen a day because it was the absolute cheapest thing I could think of being only 25 cents each. During this time my grandmother had me put on anti depressant which killed my happiness centers, I feel anyway, because I was too young (11) and unhappy for very valid reasons, and since then the best way to describe how I feel is that my 'happiness threshold' went from a skyscraper to a straw hut. Now this is the rest of what she did to me:
If the phone rang from my school (it freaking happens, I have NO control over it) "Damnit Laycee it's your school!!! Why the f*ck is your school calling me?!!?!?!. I illegally took 17 high school classes in only 1 1/2 years of high school because I'm a f*cking boss that kicked ass and they refused to take me to school and I could not leave. I could not go outside front, back, or garage. There was foil over the windows and glass doors and skylight and blackout curtains so we lived in literally a f*cking cave. I would go outside and be painfully blind. I could not make a noise. could NOT. I could not open the fridge without getting in trouble for noise, the sounds of being sick would send her into a rage of me just being a complete piece of shit. This is only some of it but I thin its enough for people to understand I f*cking hate my life and myself, but myself is more of just something I was taught in a way by her. The amazing part is not once did I even raise my voice towards this woman, and the only time I ever talked back or 'complained' was by sheer accident because I was one the phone with my school. Even more so, I was dealing with it, NOT her at this point. I'm holding a phone to my ear and talking into it, she comes to me talking about a magazine, I said hold on a moment... and almost pissed my pants. Her response to 'hold on' was to slam the hall door so hard it almost broke, she slammed her room door so much harder her husband had to get her out of the f*cking room. I should mention that if I did something like used the microwave twice in a day I did NOT deserve to be spoken to for between 1 and 3 days. Often times I didn't so much as deserve to be looked at. Also, if I wanted to use the kitchen I had to clean then polish all the countertops, even if I did not use half the kitchen. This was required for any meal, or if something that needed water from the sink.
I've been sick since day 1 as a 3month premature baby under 3lbs. I have multiple food allergies as well.
My parents were drug addicts that would leave me alone outside drug houses or waiting for up to days after "I'll pick you up at 6." My mom would have sex with guys right in front of me or would be too busy sleeping with someone to bother with me when I was asking for something. During this same time my older cousin would rape me when he would baby sit me as traing for his new girlfriend. I moved from there at age 11 into my 'loving grandparents'. Well my grandfather sexually abused me (but not rape) for just over 6 years every single second he was around me. Then he would tell me things like 'You need to relax, you need to calm down, you need to CHEER UP?!?!!?" He would also bitch about our food bills (only ate fast food or microwaved hamburger meat) as someone who made over 80k a year, and I only ordered off a $ menu and was an anorexic while they ate like kings from these places. I sed to pride myself on living off of 1- 1/2 dried ramen a day because it was the absolute cheapest thing I could think of being only 25 cents each. During this time my grandmother had me put on anti depressant which killed my happiness centers, I feel anyway, because I was too young (11) and unhappy for very valid reasons, and since then the best way to describe how I feel is that my 'happiness threshold' went from a skyscraper to a straw hut. Now this is the rest of what she did to me:
If the phone rang from my school (it freaking happens, I have NO control over it) "Damnit Laycee it's your school!!! Why the f*ck is your school calling me?!!?!?!. I illegally took 17 high school classes in only 1 1/2 years of high school because I'm a f*cking boss that kicked ass and they refused to take me to school and I could not leave. I could not go outside front, back, or garage. There was foil over the windows and glass doors and skylight and blackout curtains so we lived in literally a f*cking cave. I would go outside and be painfully blind. I could not make a noise. could NOT. I could not open the fridge without getting in trouble for noise, the sounds of being sick would send her into a rage of me just being a complete piece of shit. This is only some of it but I thin its enough for people to understand I f*cking hate my life and myself, but myself is more of just something I was taught in a way by her. The amazing part is not once did I even raise my voice towards this woman, and the only time I ever talked back or 'complained' was by sheer accident because I was one the phone with my school. Even more so, I was dealing with it, NOT her at this point. I'm holding a phone to my ear and talking into it, she comes to me talking about a magazine, I said hold on a moment... and almost pissed my pants. Her response to 'hold on' was to slam the hall door so hard it almost broke, she slammed her room door so much harder her husband had to get her out of the f*cking room. I should mention that if I did something like used the microwave twice in a day I did NOT deserve to be spoken to for between 1 and 3 days. Often times I didn't so much as deserve to be looked at. Also, if I wanted to use the kitchen I had to clean then polish all the countertops, even if I did not use half the kitchen. This was required for any meal, or if something that needed water from the sink.
I've been sick since day 1 as a 3month premature baby under 3lbs. I have multiple food allergies as well.
