W
Wagon
Hello All. I'm Wagon.
I thought since there are so many new members on here and I am one of the bastards that polices around asking people for intro's, perhaps I should introduce myself again. I've been on this forum for over 2 years and at times it has been my primary care. Saved my life in fact.
I served in the US Navy active duty from 1986-1990. 2 Ships USS Fulton AS11 (built 1939) and USS Iowa BB-61 (Built 1942-43) During my 3 years 2 months and 20 days living on these ships I fought 8 fires, 2 serious floodings, and one weapons situation (dropped a nuclear warhead torpedo on a submarine....ooops). Yeah, Uncle Ronnies (Reagan) Navy was kind of a wreck. Trustworthy crew was few and far between because we were recruiting gang members, prisoners and the mentally challenged.
But the defining moments were probably when the Battleship gun turret blew up, powder flats started on fire and we flooded the ship so much we became unstable and came close to capsizing. Unfortunately that tid bit is all outlined in Wikipedia and they wrote a book and made a movie about it "A Glimpse of Hell" After that, one month later we deployed and ended up in lovely Lebanon. Spec ops, Russians, Syrians, Hezbollah....One big party.
I guess I can remember back something being wrong during my last 6 months in. I was a holy terror to the newbies we had. I even remember checking myself and thinking. "Was I bit over the top there, a bit too mean?"
When I got out...I was wild. Went to University and had no idea what anything was about. Alcohol and any drug that presented itself was my friend. Every single relationship ended in a train wreck. I feel sorry for most of those girls....most. After University I ended up homeless, completely off the grid and flat busted. Parents did not even want to talk to me.
Somehow I managed to get my shit together and ended up with a decent job in my field. That took me around the world allot. Working with ships. I had no idea this was a major trigger for me. ALL the triggers were in this business. Lose a ship..Wagon ends up drunk for days. My standard procedure was at least 7 pints, 3 to 4 shots of Jaegermeister and 2 hash joints per day.......and I still could not get to sleep. I was very overweight and basically just trying to slowly kill myself.
So my last hurrah's was being married with two kids and operating my own company. Then the wife left and I ended up suicidal and alone far from home and once again......homeless. Thats when I found this forum. My end was already planned out. I just had to take that walk. But finding out that there were others exactly like myself was a life saver.
So now it is over 2 years later and 24 years to the day since my last year of hell in the Navy started. I'm in the fight now. Lost 80lbs, and getting my life slowly back together. There are set backs, there is still that urge to drink myself into oblivion.....which I do every once in awhile. But I do know I don't fight this beast alone. It is an honor to be able to be here with such great people and be able to make progress and yes...sometimes fail.
Thats me.
Iowa 47
RIP
4-19-89
I thought since there are so many new members on here and I am one of the bastards that polices around asking people for intro's, perhaps I should introduce myself again. I've been on this forum for over 2 years and at times it has been my primary care. Saved my life in fact.
I served in the US Navy active duty from 1986-1990. 2 Ships USS Fulton AS11 (built 1939) and USS Iowa BB-61 (Built 1942-43) During my 3 years 2 months and 20 days living on these ships I fought 8 fires, 2 serious floodings, and one weapons situation (dropped a nuclear warhead torpedo on a submarine....ooops). Yeah, Uncle Ronnies (Reagan) Navy was kind of a wreck. Trustworthy crew was few and far between because we were recruiting gang members, prisoners and the mentally challenged.
But the defining moments were probably when the Battleship gun turret blew up, powder flats started on fire and we flooded the ship so much we became unstable and came close to capsizing. Unfortunately that tid bit is all outlined in Wikipedia and they wrote a book and made a movie about it "A Glimpse of Hell" After that, one month later we deployed and ended up in lovely Lebanon. Spec ops, Russians, Syrians, Hezbollah....One big party.
I guess I can remember back something being wrong during my last 6 months in. I was a holy terror to the newbies we had. I even remember checking myself and thinking. "Was I bit over the top there, a bit too mean?"
When I got out...I was wild. Went to University and had no idea what anything was about. Alcohol and any drug that presented itself was my friend. Every single relationship ended in a train wreck. I feel sorry for most of those girls....most. After University I ended up homeless, completely off the grid and flat busted. Parents did not even want to talk to me.
Somehow I managed to get my shit together and ended up with a decent job in my field. That took me around the world allot. Working with ships. I had no idea this was a major trigger for me. ALL the triggers were in this business. Lose a ship..Wagon ends up drunk for days. My standard procedure was at least 7 pints, 3 to 4 shots of Jaegermeister and 2 hash joints per day.......and I still could not get to sleep. I was very overweight and basically just trying to slowly kill myself.
So my last hurrah's was being married with two kids and operating my own company. Then the wife left and I ended up suicidal and alone far from home and once again......homeless. Thats when I found this forum. My end was already planned out. I just had to take that walk. But finding out that there were others exactly like myself was a life saver.
So now it is over 2 years later and 24 years to the day since my last year of hell in the Navy started. I'm in the fight now. Lost 80lbs, and getting my life slowly back together. There are set backs, there is still that urge to drink myself into oblivion.....which I do every once in awhile. But I do know I don't fight this beast alone. It is an honor to be able to be here with such great people and be able to make progress and yes...sometimes fail.
Thats me.
Iowa 47
RIP
4-19-89
