Introversion

[Deleted member 19804]

So recently my dad and I had a discussion about what introversion really means and I thought it was an interesting topic. I told him that my (soon to be ex-) therapist said that I seemed to have a version of social phobia because I avoid difficult situations (like negative confrontation) and I'm a little shy when I meet new people. In both society and psychology in general there seems to be a very thin line between calling someone introverted and saying they're socially awkward or even antisocial, or that they have social anxiety.

Now I know I have been an introvert my entire life. I was a little more outgoing when I was a small child, but I'm starting to get some of that back. I like being with my friends, but I don't like being with them 24/7. I also hate being the centre of attention. Does that make me less social?
I once read something that explained how introversion works ad it kind of stuck with me. It said that introverts do not dislike people and may very well not be shy. They can have a lot of fun hanging out with their friends. The only thing is that this costs them a lot of energy, so after a while they need some alone time to 'recharge'.

This explanation is what appeals to me, but I am curious about what you all think. What do you think it means to be introverted? If you're an introvert, hoe do you experience it? And have you ever had people misinterpret your introversion as you being less social or socially anxious?

 

[WildMermaid]

extroverted and socially awkward (about half the time) here, just giving you :hug:s

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes that is how it was explained to me, that we get energy (re-charging) away from people, or perhaps rather being on our own, versus getting energy from being with people. I think that is true because it is draining. I would say it could go either way as to whether you like people or not, or whether you are social or not, etc. But sure there will be that introspection/ thoughtfulness even in social settings which by it's nature will make you feel more reserved. Add in ptsd & it's hard to tell where one begins or ends. I was always an introvert, but everyone thinks I'm an extrovert. I genuinely like people though, but I like to hear about them, not talk about me. But ptsd put a different spin on things too.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, my definition of introvert is exactly what you describe!

When I'm asymptomatic, I can enjoy being in a group, have lots of fun, and be outgoing. But, I have my limits, and at the end of the day I need my "ME" time in order to recharge.

Funny, I've done a bit of googling of the topic, and I'd just like to say that the public perception of introverts isn't always nice. We are viewed as antisocial hermits. One article suggested that an extrovert could learn to relate better to an introvert by changing the way they approach things with them. Some of the replies weren't so kind, snarky in fact, to the effect of "I'm not changing for THEM, they need to change to be like everyone else!" Well, these people simply did not get it. Introverts have been adapting to an extroverted world for their entire lives (no matter how short or long). Is it too much to ask someone to help you by meeting in the middle? Yes, as introverts, we have indeed learned to adapt to an extroverted world as these are the traits that everyone seems to want----friends, employers, etc. What many don't realize is that some of the world's greatest genius' have been introverts (science, technology, art.....the list goes on!) Yep, we're in good company!

I like being an introvert because I am never bored. Nope, never. I can always find something to do whether it be with another person or by myself. And honestly, I never truly feel lonely, either. I don't have the constant draw of always needing someone, so when I am single, I don't ever feel like there is a great hole in my life. I love how I can entertain myself and make my own fun. I really do think introverts get the best of both worlds because we like to be alone at times, and can venture out when we feel like we need more interaction. I've known many extroverts who would perish if their lives weren't a 24/7 whirlwind of activity and full of people. That is, they cannot stand being alone.

 

[holdenmonty]

I'm one of those confusing people. I use to be really introverted until I met my wife who is more extroverted and now I enjoy my time alone and re charge when I'm alone but sometimes I enjoy my time with others and am re charged when I'm around others. I think it mainly is about the people I'm around. I think the main thing for me is I have to feel emotionally safe before I can re charge

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I think that's exactly right @holdenmonty .

 

[Friday]

Outgoing Extroverts (classic, rare)
Shy Extroverts (wallflowers, common)
Outgoing Introverts (usually mistaken for extroverts, common)
Shy Introverts (classic, rare)

My understanding of introversion / extroversion is the bell curve above... And most often find that people mistake whether a person is outgoing or shy with introversion or extroversion... When in reality, they are 4 distinct things. Introversion & Extroversion describes where a person gets their energy from (being alone to recharge, or being with others to recharge... And conversely, are either exhausted being around others, or exhausted being on their own*). Being shy or outgoing, however, can happen to anyone. Regardless of what exhausts them.

* My son is an outgoing extrovert. Raising him is what made me actually able to "believe" in extroversion. It is as painful for him to be on his own, as it is for a shy & introverted child to be thrust into a huge and raucous party.

I think it's funny that the "classic" introvert & extrovert are actually the very rare exceptions. Indeed, that most of us are either shy extroverts, or outgoing introverts (c'est moi).

<chuckling> & then one adds in socializing (and socialization)! Adds even more shades of grey. Deborah Markus (Secular Homeschooling Magazine) published the absolutely hilarious "Bitter Homeschooler's Wishlist" some years back which has the best definition I've ever come across

# 2. Learn what the words “socialize” and “socialization” mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you’re talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we’ve got a decent grasp of both concepts.

This is the part that my PTSD f*cks with. When I'm doing badly I may still be socializing, but my socialization skills are out the damn window. Gone all feral, and have to relearn standards of behavior and require the skills that allow me to socialize "successfully & pleasantly" LOL Aieeeeeee :banghead:

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

It said that introverts do not dislike people and may very well not be shy. They can have a lot of fun hanging out with their friends. The only thing is that this costs them a lot of energy, so after a while they need some alone time to 'recharge'.

This is a big part of my belief about introverts. I am a definite introvert. I understood a lot more about myself and introversion and how the world sees it after reading the book "Quiet".

 

[SabrinaB]

Introversion and extraversion are either end of a continuum, so we all have at least a bit of each in us. And yes, the Myers-Briggs definition focuses on energy, as others have already shared.

I am on the shy side by nature, and am introverted, but when in comfortable and familiar surroundings most people assume I am an extravert. Not now though. Since the trauma and PTSD I'm pretty reclusive and not sure I'll ever get back to that place again.

It's tough being an introvert in an extraverted society. In management they teach that it takes approx. 6-7 introverts to balance each extravert on committees and projects.

Love the book Quiet by Susan Cain!! Fascinating read and highly recommend it for all personality types!

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I am an extrovert but I am shy and afraid of being judged - people mistake me for an introvert.
Has anyone done the MTBI?

 

[Saria]

I'm an introvert too, and I'm most comfortable in groups with less than 5 people (give or take). I feel that something happens with the dynamics in a group as it gets bigger, tending towards more "shallow" conversation topics. Which I guess is kind of natural, but just not what I prefer. I also experience the need for being alone, and find social interactions with a lot of people to be draining, like a lot of you've already mentioned. Introversion is definetely not the same as being asocial in my opinion, and I enjoy being with a small group with close friends :)

I used to study psychology, and found Eynsenck's theory of optimal arousal really interesting. He proposed that there's a difference in brain physiology of introverts and extraverts, and that there's an optimal level of cortical arousal for everyone. As introverts are thought to have higher levels, they need more alone time to stay within their optimal/comfort zone. Extraverts on the other hand, are understimulated, and need more stimulation (including social interaction) to feel their best. An experiment forund that introverts produced higher amount of saliva in response to lemon juice than extroverts, supporting the physiological hypothesis that they have higher levels of cortical arousal. I also remember a study who found that extraverts preformed better on a test if they had background noise/music (supposedly because they then had an optimal level of arousal), while it had the opposite effect on introverts (which left them overstimulated).

As I'm just writing this from memory it might not be 100 % correct, but hopefully it gets the gist of it. I just thought I'd share it, as it intuitively rang true for me. What do you guys think of it? Can a possible mechanism be that introverts get "overstimulated" much easier, and then need to withdraw to get back into their comfort zone?

 

[Saria]

@Lemontree If you're referring to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, you might wanna check this out :)

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/myers-briggs-types.47256/