Intrusive Sounds In Session

[watundah]

I would appreciate some feedback as to whether I am being unreasonable. My T moved her office to above her garage in June. My first session in the new space, I was really triggered by the strangeness and dissociated which was exacerbated by hearing her spouse go in and out of a door into the garage space below. I made a big deal of it, and she said while she couldnt guarantee it would never happen again she would do her best and made an effort to put a statue in the second floor window as a sign for the guy to stay away.

Since then, we have uncovered a memory that someone came into the house and raped me when I was four years old.

This week, her spouse was in the garage banging and clanging around quite a bit.

A few things come to mind:
1. It is a fact of life in office settings and so on that external noise will creep in; however,
2. If the rules changed where the sign in the window is no longer in place and the man has full reign to bang around at will, it should have been discussed with me,
3. In light of new info re rape, it becomes apparent how sounds of an intruder can be upsetting, especially if Im already upset, triggered or dissociating.
4. She has assured me that safety is important and that it's a priority in her office space. However, knowing someone is downstairs doesnt make me feel like we are alone in that space- even though we are upstairs in a closed space with outside entrance, etc.

So, should I raise the issue or accept extemporary noise as a fact of life?

 

[Snowflake]

Hmmmm-I would freak! I'm not sure what I would do-maybe if there was soft music in background or "white noise" (if that's what it's called).

You may also start a new thread on this -more people may offer more suggestions.

Good luck

 

[Snowflake]

ok. moderator, please delete my above post. thanks

I think it's an important topic -and I want you to get the responses you need. So that's why I said what I said. Only a thought. I apologize if I upset you.

 

[WendyVictoria]

If it's interfering with your sessions then I think it's completely within your rights to make a big deal of it. I once made my t move a clock out of the room when in session because the ticking was too loud so I think it is completely fair to have your t ensure her spouse is quiet during your sessions. Having ptsd and undergoing therapy can make you sensitive to a lot of things that most people wouldn't mind and as a therapist she should understand that.

 

[Justmehere]

There are sounds and distractions that can't be controlled - such as an unexpected parade going down the street (this actually happened to me in therapy once.)

Then there are sounds that can be controlled - such as choosing to work at home but failing to secure the home environment as a peaceful setting to focus.

Home therapy offices are tricky, and I personally avoid them like the plague. When they are set up right, they can work. But they are more often not set up well.

Communicate to your therapist what you need in therapy to do the work that you need to do. Focus on the eleimination of the distracting sounds, and don't get into agreements she makes with others in the house - that's completely for her to manage and resolve without even taking up therapy time to discuss those agreements with you (unless it is reassuring to you.) You have hired her to provide you a service and it's reasonable that the service would come with a location that's not distracting on a regular and on-going basis.

She could possibly invest in some white noise machines and make better agreements with others - but all this is for her to solve.

Chances are, her other clients are struggling with the same issues with her new location as well.

 

[watundah]

heck no! not upset - thank you for your concern. :-)

 

[watundah]

So true, @Justmehere I think she has an emotional attachment to her newly built space, is quite pleased and proud of it, and loses sight of objectivity. I was so distressed the first time I went in and heard doors below, that I didnt go back for a month. She is not.good at personal confrontation and we.got into a huge push and shove email discussion about the situation while I was taking a break so it is painful to think my wants have been quickly put aside and we have to muck through it again. Then part of me thinks I need to grow up and quit being a so sensitive about it, but Holy crap, I pay a lot of money for this time and space.

 

[Friday]

So, should I raise the issue or accept extemporary noise as a fact of life?

Both?

Personally, I would rate my own willingness, first. As in, is this a big enough issue that I'm willing to walk over it? Yes/No/Maybe ...And then keep going down the spectrum until I can find the different places I am on it, and what I'm willing to do about it. For example, if banging is happening in session, am I willing to stop the session for either her to go speak to him, or full stop & continue next week, this session gratis? Where are my boundaries, here?

Once I find my own boundaries (not acceptable), and the wiggle room I'm willing to push them (my acceptance), the actions I'm willing to take once my boundaries have been crossed... then I'd raise the issue. Or not. Depending on what I'm willing to accept, and how far.

 

[watundah]

I think the fact that we have already gone back and forth on this and she assured me she didnt want him there either, and now he is, is a clear boundary crossing.

I guess Ill kick up the dust because as mentioned, this is about me getting my needs met - feelings of safety and privacy.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I would not be able to cope with that, I hope you can find a solution. What a shame this has happened. :hug:

 

[barefoot]

Friday raises a good point, which now she's said it seems very obvious but I would probably never have considered it myself (and that probably says a lot about my squiffy boundaries!)

I know you have gone back and forth on email after the initial upset of going to the new space and hearing someone downstairs and that she then said she would sort it out so that it's not an issue for future sessions. But have you mentioned it mid-session while the noise has actually been happening at all?

I.e. Did you say the other day "Wow, there's a lot of noise crashing around all of a sudden and that's really distracting/making me anxious/whatever". Would you mind going and seeing if you can make it stop?"

If you didn't do that, do you think you would be able to do that if it happened again?

I know you've discussed it offline and that she pledged to do everything she could to ensure it won't happen again and I totally get that you feel annoyed/let down that she hasn't stuck to doing what she said she was going to do with that and that the subsequent noise/presence has impacted you.

My therapist can be very forgetful and it annoys the hell out of me, yet I know there's no malice in it and I've decided I can live with it. Perhaps this has slipped off her radar and either she doesn't notice the noise herself when it happens or she is aware of it but thinks you seem ok with it in the moment.

If it were me, I think I'd be inclined to remind her (either on email or at the start of next session) about our previous discussion and her commitment about noise (well, specifically about the presence of the other person nearby) but I would also now think about what action I want to take in the moment if it happens again and what I need in order to feel able to do that.

 

[watundah]

Thank you. It's reassuring to know that I am not being unreasonable.