Invalidation: The Root Of All Evil?

[soulofLC]

The other thing I am thinking about is "caregiver burnout" for friends and family of PTSD survivors. I read this somewhere, wish I could remember (LOL). If we can look at it from that perspective, perhaps it will help take the edge off of losing support from friends and family. Yes, setting boundaries is hard. Not everyone can deal with it; not everyone is willing to go that deep into their own psyche. It stirs the heart, memories. Just think how many people never get beyond appearances...don't think deeply about life, what is important, etc. It is easier to remain ignorant. As Socrates wisely knew so long ago, and what we are called to do because we have to to survive: The unexamined life is not worth living for a human being.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes it feels like packing many more years, experiences and thoughts into a shorter time.

 

[soulofLC]

Yes it feels like packing many more years, experiences and thoughts into a shorter time.

I hear you. There is also a lost sense of time passing for me, so it is either compressed or I realize it is almost Christmas and I meant to do so many things this year that just eluded me....

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I am the same.
I sometimes wonder if it's because it takes (sometimes) so much energy/ will/ resolve etc, to deal with the present.

 

[Helliepig]

I think too that we forget that other people sometimes have no comprehension of how desolate or desperate we feel, generally, or about connecting with others. If they have had a stable upbringing then they cannot imagine the depths of pain in someone with PTSD and so may not realies what is in front of them. Not connecting deeply with you doesn't mean they don't care. Sometimes I think we then get angry out of fear hurt and frustration, or start behaving weirdly, and THAT drives people away, not our intrinsic "us-ness"

I have experienced myself, how, when you heal something big, a whole weight that you have carried all your life, lifts, and you suddenly realise it's possible to be alive without that weight - and that possibly, just possibly, it doesn't feel like that everyday for everyone else.... the poison of the past seeps into every waking moment and it is our normality but isn't necessarily a common human experience.

Maybe that "insenstive" friend just cannot comprehend what it is like to be so hurt.

 

[soulofLC]

Maybe that "insenstive" friend just cannot comprehend what it is like to be so hurt.

Yes, we have to remember that we are like "unicorns," that not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD. So it is hard for some to understand why we have been so affected. One may have the same experience and be able to overcome it with much less effort...

 

[angel2write]

Sad unicorn.

 

[soulofLC]

View attachment 8458

Sad unicorn.

Thanks...you validated and made me laugh at the same time!

 

[soulofLC]

Ok, angel2write, how bout "canaries in the coal mine?" There must be a good visual metaphor for us! Not all canaries are sensitive???

 

[angel2write]

Ok, angel2write, how bout "canaries in the coal mine?" There must be a good visual metaphor for us! Not all canaries are sensitive???

I thought the unicorn was a good metaphor, but the canaries work, too. Although, instead of toxic gas, I always felt like there was some essential element missing in my home... like I was the only person in the house that needed oxygen to breathe. Everyone else seemed fine. No one else even particularly noticed, but I felt like I was constantly gasping for breath. Like I needed some rare, trace mineral to survive...

Feeling that sense of lack still sends me into a panic, but my husband recognizes it now. The solution to that gasping lack feeling turns out to be ridiculously easy. All he has to do, all I ever needed, was a little hug, some praise, and a couple reassuring words. Takes less than a minute. If I'd gotten it five times a day, I might be normal. Three times a day, I might be reasonably well. Once a day, and I might not have PTSD.

Oh well.

 

[soulofLC]

You are fortunate to have such a loving and sensitive husband. Yes, I can relate to the missing element in my home...it was loving attention and affirmation. But there was also toxic gas in my home...and it is still hanging in the air. Still working to get past the fumes!

Are these your drawings? I love them!!

 

[angel2write]

Are these your drawings? I love them!!

No- alas. Just stuff I googled. But I've posted some of my art on my diary, if you can dig past all the garbage to get to it.