Invited two siblings to session but

[intheprocess]

I poured my heart out to two siblings who don't believe me and invited them to join me in a session with my counselor. My brother skirted the issue but at least answered. My sister wanted to meet with my counselor first, which of course my counselor wouldn't do. Tonight I explained it's not family therapy, just one session to talk. Don't know how she'll react. I have been up and down with this. Due to how I feel, I am going to say no to attending my niece's baby shower. I just can't be there and act like everything is okay. Maybe after more years of therapy. Has anyone else been through something similar? What did you do? I haven't been sleeping well and am hypervigilant.

 

[EveHarrington]

Let it go?

This is your reality, not theirs. If you push, be prepared to lose both of them.

 

[Friday]

My sister wanted to meet with my counselor first, which of course my counselor wouldn't do. Tonight I explained it's not family therapy, just one session to talk. Don't know how she'll react.

Do you know why she wanted to meet the counselor, first? I can think of roughly a dozen reasons why someone might, from checking credentials to making sure she doesn’t say the wrong thing in session, and a whole lot in between. If she’s said why she wants to meet with them for a session, first, there might be a way to work with that. Like having 10 or 15 minutes at the start of session 1:1 before you join them.

 

[Innordinate]

I was going to say the same thing. let it go.
easier said than done but you can't force people to believe you
and if they don't believe you, that says more about them than you

trying to will make it worse for you, like banging your head against a brick wall
i wish i could give you better advice but i banged my head against this particular wall with my dad for way to long and its done more harm to me than convincing of him

 

[intheprocess]

Thanks, everyone. My big problem is I am stuck and feel like I can't let it go, in my mind. Why would I lie about incest? My other sister told them she had a couple of experiences. But I can't force them. My other sister, more advanced in therapy, is at a point she can accept everyone has their opinions. I hope to get there some day.

Do you know why she wanted to meet the counselor, first? I can think of roughly a dozen reasons why some...

I don't know why. She doesn't say.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t think it’s a matter of you lying.

The bonds between a parent and child are incredibly strong. If they weren’t abused, you are essentially shattering their view of your parents. Is this fair? On one level, I’d argue not as it could throw them into a tailspin. If they were abused, you could be opening Pandora’s box, causing great instability and hitting rock bottom. My point is that it’s not about you. The bottom line isn’t about believing you or not believing you. There are much more powerful dynamics at play.

I speak out of experience. I was the only one abused. I made accusations and my siblings know. I would never force them to validate my reality as I know I’d risk losing my sister and my nephew, and it’s just not worth it. My reality is not their reality. Abusers oftentimes have target children and don’t always abuse all of their kids.

 

[intheprocess]

Thanks. I will have to reflect on your words, your experience.