Ironic Failure To Distract

[Sandstone]

I'm working on the distraction and self soothing part of the DBT workbook. I'd put together my list of ten usable distractions, from a long list of 38. One was watching something funny, so I decided to set up a list on Netflix, ready to go when needed. I browsed on my laptop, found lots and decided to check the list had come across to my Smart TV.

Netflix wouldn't load, I just got the spinning progress wheel. I googled, and found there was a recent recognised problem with my Broadband supplier and this TV app. Tried some of the suggestions, none worked, and it seemed the only answer was new router. Went to my suppliers website, and found it was next to impossible to write a question, they wanted live chat or a phone call. My frustration was rising. I tried the chat, and after 7 minutes of being told I would be connected in 2 minutes, no - in 45 seconds, no - in 90 seconds, no-- I found the complaints form and sent them a snot-ogram.

At this stage I recognised I was well wound up; there was a distinct physical sensation in my lower throat and as soon as I thought about it I knew the problem was my powerlessness, made worse because it was linked to something I needed for recovery. I did realise at that point that I needed to distract and soothe, but instead went down my usual route of ignoring it and pushing on. I wasn't going to give in. On the providers community forums I found a 16 page thread discussing the problem, with their mods and community managers saying it was "an incompatibility between one of our older hubs and the Netflix app running on a small number of Smart TVs", while endless frustrated customers said contacting their Tech Help was going nowhere.

By now I was so wound up I ate a whole box of meringues. Now, eating is suggested as both a distraction and a soothing tool, but I'd omitted it from my list because I'm still so overweight from meds. Besides, eating while still reading others frustrations isn't distracting.

Eventually, I was stopped by the desire to watch "Doctors" and then decided to abandon my plans for the day and sew instead. Both are on my distraction list, but I did neither as conscious decision to distract.

How long does it take to move from knowing what you need to do, to actually doing it? I could even get as far as reminding myself that distraction is there to reduce the suffering I experience in response to a source of pain, but I could not get beyond my old pattern of pushing through.

(Complaints called me late that evening, tried in three ways to suggest it was a problem with my equipment or Netflix, but as soon as I started reading out their posts changed instantly to agreeing to send me a new router.)

I'm reliving that frustration now, so I'm going to act as I should have before, and do something soothing. And there I was thinking my life is so restricted by avoidance that I have no chances to practice those skills.

 

[Hope69]

How long does it take to move from knowing what you need to do, to actually doing it?

Wow, that does sound frustrating! The fact that you even know what you need to do though is a win. It is ironic that the thing that was meant to sooth you ended up being the thing that caused you to need more soothing. I suppose that having healthy reactions to our needs will take practice to become automatic. I think you are on the right track by identifying your need and then recognizing that you weren't able to respond to it right away.

 

[Sideways]

I'm truly sorry for your distress, but I did get a giggle from this, because isn't that so damn typical. "Watch a funny tv show" they said. "It'll be a soothing distraction" they said.

I can imagine me shrieking insults at the dbt book while I hurl the tv across the room. Take THAT for a friggin distraction:mad::cool:

 

[rosey]

Oh no that was all you need when you were trying so hard to help yourself. You should be proud of yourself for the initial efforys starting is usually the hardest part. Dont let it put you off practising those dbt skills. A case of needing a distraction from your distraction. Self soothing is a great thing stick with it the effort will pay off.

 

[Sandstone]

Yes @Ragdoll Circus , I can see the humour in the whole situation. That, I suppose, is a plus.

It is so frustrating trying to change myself. I can see that my poor responses are a set I've learned. The inclination to rage at times like this come direct from my father, who was probably a PTSD-er, the dogged refusal to act my needs even when I can recognise them is from appeasing my mother, the eating and pushing through regardless are old negative coping strategies. I want to jump up and down with frustration over the difference between KNOWING stuff and DOING it.

Onward.

 

[jaccat]

I had a similar experience trying to contact a company a few days ago. I was doing so well, proactively dealing with something that previously would have sent me into panic, until the company in question put me on hold for over half an hour and their webpage refused to load (with a statement on it saying it was my fault!). About the only good thing I managed to do was direct my increasingly out of control anger at something I couldn't break for a change.

I think stuff like that is challenging enough for people who don't have other things going on.

Well done for recognising it though.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Be patient @Sandstone, Ive owned the book for like 6 months or more and in still working on distracting and self soothing. I started to get to know what actually distracted me after about 2 months and the self soothing worked a tiny bit about that time too.

Practice, practice, practice!

Im sorry you had a frustrating experience! That sounded very frustrating which doesnt help huh? You're doing great! :hug: