Is a healthy relationship ever possible?

[Nononab]

With a combat PTSD sufferer...is some semblance of a healthy, loving, functional relationship possible? Or is it always going to be slightly controlled chaos at best and a form of emotional masochism at worst? I hear a lot about failed relationships on here; I never hear much about any victories. Has anybody out there gotten their happy ending?

 

[anonymous]

Er... define a happy ending.

My parents have been married for 46 years and together for 53. They started dating in 1965. My father went to war in 71. He came back in 73. Cue about 30 years of alcoholism and varying levels of verbal and physical abuse at various times. Now... well, I don't know. They seem to co-exist rather than share their lives. This year they both forgot their wedding anniversary. I have no idea whether either of them consider the fact that they have stayed together a "happy" ending.

 

[Nononab]

A happy ending in the way I specified...as in not just together out of a sense of obligation or duty, but in a way that consists of a mostly healthy, loving, functional relationship.

 

[Pamisan]

I never hear much about any victories

Most people don't come to a support group for help with their victories ;) they come for help with their problems.

Speaking as a military brat, most of my friends came from happy families. Some didn't.

Speaking as a combat vet, eh. Tends to come in waves. No one's capable of a relationship, much less a healthy one. Then most people are in various shades of f*cked up relationships. Then most people are in some degree of healthy relationships. Regardless of what most are doing? There's always someone whose reverted, or who is out of cycle, or is OFP. Whether that's being all healthy when everyone else is f*cked six ways from Sunday, or :O_o: The hell are you doing? when everyone else is all chill? Doesn't really matter, none. Someone's always out of step, for whatever reason.

Speaking as a student o'anthropology? Most relationships fail (or everyone would marry the first person they ever date), & half of all marriages fail. That's before adding the military (higher rates) combat (still higher) or PTSD (even higher). Of the ones who succeed? Not all are going to be healthy or happy, much less both. Adding combat PTSD one would naturally expect the chances to be even smaller. Even 1% though, would still be millions of couples. And without digging out the research? (You'll note I said anthropology, not sociology ;) They like their numbers more than we do.? Pretty sure it's gonna be a lot higher than 1%.

Are there successes? For sure. Are you going to find most of them here? Nah. Some, absolutely. But most people don't stick around to help others; they get their help and go about their lives. Ain't nothing wrong with that. And the ones there is no helping? Even less reason for most to stay.

 

[Ire]

I'm happy with my relationship. I love him and he makes me happy more often than sad. I think I'm happy because I've adjusted. It took awhile, but I'm in a groove. Isolation doesn't bother me. He lashed out verbally at times, but not as much as he used to, and I'm a lot better at walking away from it. I make sure to really enjoy the times he is affectionate to tide me over when he isn't. Is it a stereotypical Prince Charming situation? No. But that shit is for fairy tales anyway.

There are still bad times, but there is more good.

 

[Ikopeg]

I am beginning to honestly believe the only way for a healthy, loving, functional relationship to happen is if both parties are in therapy, together and separately. Therapy for each, and couples therapy.

And, the non-PTSD partner has to be completely and totally able to be independent: mentally, emotionally, and physically (IE, has their own bank accounts, job, savings, etc), and have their own support system outside the relationship that is not at all dependent on the sufferer, if they should find themselves needing to rely on someone else due to illness or injury.

Really, it seems to require the *ultimate* in healthy relationships - no reliance on each other, separate interests and lives, and the being "together" is managing to blend when it's appropriate, but also stay completely independent and strong. I'm feeling really, I guess bitter, is the right word tonight, so I do apologize. At the moment, I can't see myself ever trusting someone enough again to be in a relationship, much less live with someone and think I have a life with them.

 

[Guto]

Speaking in generalities, supporters only really seek out a forum like this when shit majorly hits the fan.

I'm a sufferer, but I don't have combat ptsd. My partner is full-in with helping me heal, and knows about the forum, but doesn't post because he doesn't have a need for this kind of support, that is the relationship hasn't hit desperation mode where he's been left blindsided and has no idea what to do.

Just trying to add my 2 cents about why you won't get an accurate representation of happy ptsd relationships here, at least not from the supporter side.

(And I have a feeling that on the sufferer side there are a lot of people like me with functioning relationships and partners who don't have a need to post here.)

 

[Ovati]

Please don't let the "fail" stories take away from the victories. There are some golden victories here, although they do get talked about less often (as is the nature of venting). The most important component I have seen in the relationships that has lasted are two willing partners. If only one person is willing to put forth effort, I don't see how well it can work in the long run....because any relationship, but especially a PTSD relationship, requires effort.

 

[Omejez]

Yes you can have a happy and healthy relationship. We both went to therapy and couples therapy. We both work hard on the relationship. We are still working on things together. I am happy and he is also. You can have a healthy relationship, but it takes both, to make it work.