Relationship Is Everyone Included In The Isolation Period?

[Roxyange116]

Just had a quick question before I step out tonight ... when your sufferer isolates do they isolate everyone? Or does it seem to just be the person they are in a relationship with? Do they still talk/hang out with friends they have known for years?

Thanks!
Roxy

 

[Jawn]

Roxy I don't have a definitive answer for you, but in my own case my wife isolated from me the most. Eventually she started doing it from her friends and family too, but it started with me and was the most severe with me.

Maybe others will chime in with their view points too.

Jawn

 

[amethist]

Hi Roxy

The pattern of isolation seems to happen in different ways for a lot of sufferers, they will isolate from anyone or anything that they cannot control. I don't mean control in a bad way, more with friends and family they can see them or not, their decision. Interact with them how they want, friends they have know for a long time, may not know they have PTSD, as they have not been told, so less stress of them asking questions. With work if they have a job, can also be a kind of isolation, as in it is a different world where they can immerse themselves into it, using it as a tool of distraction from the pain in their minds.

Very close relatives and friends may be find they are ignored and not contacted, because of the stress of trying to explain how they feel and what is going on. Tough to understand, when you would think that close friends and family could help, there lies the problem sometimes, they are too close, and the sufferer does not want to share the pain, hence the isolation.

I hope that makes sense, and give you a bit more of an idea of how this can effect them.

Amethist

 

[intothelight]

Isolation and avoidance are extremely hard on a sufferers family and friends. It is difficult to understand, and as a sufferer, they are times I do not fully understand "why" I do it.

When I isolate, there is something that is overwhelming me emotionally and/or psychologically and starting to make the symptoms of PTSD unmanageable. Therefore, I isolate to remove the stress until I feel strong and/or stable enough to interact, deal with, or meet the needs of others.

Amethist made an excellent point about work being a means of isolation. There are times I can work 20 hours a day for days on end. Work is an area that I can immerse myself into and completely control the issues I address or chose not to address. It is also an easy way to isolate, because it is socially acceptable and no one is offended when you shut them out because you are "working".

There were times I isolated from my husband, because he was inadvertently the source of my stress. Because of my own feelings of "worthlessness" I thought I was more of a burden and would remove myself, rather than address the issues and/or explain that I needed "down" time. Even during those times, there were occasions I would associate with some acquaintances because they were "safe", and more of an outlet for grounding than a source of stress. However, looking back most of these were work related and that was well within my own comfort zone.

I hope this sheds some light on the "why". I still isolate, but we have set boundaries so those closest to me know I am leaving, where I am going, and that I am safe. However, they also respect my need for this "down time" and will wait, even if they don't always understand why I need it.

ITL

 

[Roxyange116]

Thanks for replying. It seems to just be me he's not talking to, which hurts a lot but I do understand it. I guess I was just under the impression that it would be isolation from everyone. Not to just continue to go out with his childhood friends and not have any contact with me. I mean his best friend he has told a lot to, more than me and I can see how it would be ok to go out with her and her boyfriend and feel like he wont have to talk about anything especially why he is drinking because she knows everything already but it still hurts. I guess I just want to be the person to make it better when I know its not that easy. I would even just sit in silence with him, but I do understand. So I am going about my life and waiting as long as I can I guess. If he does come back then we have to set up boundaries like you have intothelight just so next time its not so sudden. That maybe he can tell me when he needs time and what I am to do so he doesn't just disappear one day and stop answering me and leave me torn.

I just needed to know it wasn't just something with me. That sometimes the people you care about the most are the ones you need to isolate from.

Hope everyone is having a good week so far.
-Roxy

 

[Isabel]

Hi

I can relate to this also. My boyfriend sometimes isolates me, is too angry to talk to me. But at the same time he can perfectly talk to our roommate or even chat with the neighbors if he has to. It is extremely hurtful and difficult for me to understand. Why would he control his anger only for strangers and not for me? Must be something that has to do with their illness. Fortunately I haven't seen him do this all that often.

Hugs Isabel

 

[Roxyange116]

Thanks Isabel but I think we're done. I mean I was giving him the time and space he needed or so I thought but I think it was his way of breaking up with me. I'd send little text to show I cared and got nothing in reply until Friday when he messaged me that he was completely drunk in his car on some random road, saying a lot of stuff that made me worried so I went out there. Attempted to give him a ride home but instead he wanted to come to my place. So I was thinking, well thats an improvement. But then I dropped him off yesterday back at his car and he said "thanks and talk to you soon" like we were just friends meeting for coffee. No hug, no kiss, no nothing. He was so cold and distant the whole time. He took all his stuff back also. So I dont know anymore. I tried and I dont want anyone else but I think I would be stupid to think he didnt just break up with me. Every time I ask if we're done I get "idk, i dont know what I want or how I feel" and it hurts too much. I feel he is moving on. He texted some other girl the whole ride to my house Friday night. We weren't really together at the moment so I didnt ask about her but it bothered me. I'm just a mess, sorry for the long reply. Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time out to read and reply. And hugs back :)

Roxy

 

[anni]

Hi Roxy,

Sorry to jump in to your thread but it kind of got to me. It is one thing to truly understand allll of it-the isolation, the back and forth between his blowing so hot and cold since certainly, this could be PTSD manifestations and if one can manage to process all this and the relationship is important to you then of course one woud wish to 'do' and understand all one could. Texting another female while in your presence, AND while you're actively helping him seems just plain rude and hurtful, plus I can't at all connect it to some random PTSD 'reason'. It must hurt terribly, but am rather pleased for your sake you've drawn a line, since noone can be expected to be pushed to this limit of plain respect and human dignity being violated.

I wish you much healing,

Anni

 

[Isabel]

I'm so sorry to hear this Roxy.

I think I have to agree with you and Anni.
Wish you the best, hugs.

Isabel

 

[Roxyange116]

Thanks Anni and Isabel,

It was hard especially since I devoted so much time into learning as much as I could to help and be there and not judge and to know what to do and then to have it just end like this. I mean we weren't technically together friday night but still he should have stopped messaging her. I mean he has a lot of friends, male and female so it might have been innocent but the name was someone I never heard of before nor met so I don't know. I wish that he could have just say he's done and moving on or whatever. I was deleting all the stuff out of my phone last night and had to ask him if he meant it when he said he loved me and he said he did. So I just said that if he needs me, honestly needs me, he knows how to reach me and I said goodbye. But I can't help thinking about him. I know break ups all suck but this was just not what I expected. Why waste time opening up to someone, really showing them who you are and then just walking away. I mean I have learned so much from him and this relationship and its definintly time I wont regret because it has seriously made me into a better person and made me want to help people and made me figure out my goals in life now. But just throws me completely at how he can say that the fact that I took the time to learn about ptsd made him love me so much more and then to just be done. Feel nothing and move on. I mean it may really just be hard for him right now and he's putting up walls, but he knows I'm here if he needs me but I can't deal with the disrespect that he showed when all I was doing was what I felt I needed to. I'm just going to focus on me and my future right now and we'll see what happens I suppose.


Sorry i ramble so much, no one else understands I guess and I just feel so lost and broken and like it was all for nothing.
I just hope he find what he is looking for and can one day be truly happy.

Thanks again :)
Megan