Relationship Is Fear Of Commitment An Issue With Ptsd

[KyGirl31]

Hi I met this wonderful man who has PTSD. He's an ex marine so I'm certain the things that's endured are greater than I could ever imagine.I don't ask him because I don't even want him thinking about it. I've known him for awhile and he's been difficult but never anything but kind to me. He works ALOT..I think it's a coping mechanism.

Besides being a marine and all that came with that, he also suffered a tragic loss of his fiancée. They shared a baby girl together who was 2 months old when the accident happened. This has been 10 years ago. Now he just told me the other day he sees a therapist but only sees her twice a year now for the PTSD and the loss if his fiancée. He made the comment to me that he was aware of where his heart was, meaning still with his fiancée.

He and I just have " IT". He's worried about what he can give me. We wanna take it to a sexual level but I think he's worried he'll hurt me and so am I.

So my question is...does this have anything to do with his PTSD? Also is him grieving over his fiancée for 10 years linked to it? I love this man and he makes me very happy without even having to try but he confuses me when he says things like " I think you'll be disappointed" or " I don't know what I can give you." Help please and thank you!

 

[MoeX]

Hello,
Im also pretty new to the forum and I'm still learning all I can. I dont have much advice as I am sooo confused. LOL but just look around. I get a lot of valuable insight just by reading other peoples stories.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Could it be traumatic grief? If so, that's a different monster so to speak.

 

[KyGirl31]

Well I don't know, never thought about that but 10 years is a long time to still have your heart with someone. However to each their own but he says I put him in a place that he hasn't been in many many years. I'm assuming its similar to what he shared with her not sure. I almost think he feels guilty. I'll look up traumatic grief though.

 

[KyGirl31]

Wow! Severe longing for the deceased.. well that's even worse!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I didn't mean to scare you! Honestly I know nothing about traumatic grief. I just didn't want you to solely focus on PTSD if there's a possibility of something else going on.

Regardless, if its PTSD (in part or whole), you can get a lot of support here.

 

[Spring]

Hi Ky,
In my experience with my sufferer, yes, fear of allowing himself to let me in was a really big issue that he had to overcome. And yes, they have a very big fear of disappointing us. I know that my sufferer ALWAYS worries about this, and sometimes he withdraws when he feels as though he's disappointed or let me down. He scares himself into believing that a lifetime commitment with him will be unfair, he worries a lot about not being able to do or give me the best.

So for us, yes, it's common for him to be afraid of commitment.
~Spring

 

[KyGirl31]

Thank you so much for your input ladies!

 

[Stacelm]

Hi Ky,
And yes, they have a very big fear of disappointing us. He scares himself into believing that a lifetime commitment with him will be unfair, he worries a lot about not being able to do or give me the best.

I could't agree more. My sufferer is afraid of hurting me, and so he is afraid of letting me in all the way. He had such a huge wall up around his heart that he told me it would take a long time for anyone to get in there. Apparently I must be a locksmith of the heart because it only took me a few weeks to get in there :) And it scares him a little that I did get in there, because he doesn't want to hurt me or disappoint me. It's a loooooooooong road to go down and its definitely hard, but it's definitely not uncommon--and I am so grateful that I came on here because I know I am not alone and that alone is incredibly reassuring.

 

[KyGirl31]

So so good to hear Stacelm! I'm very happy for you! I want his heart more than anything! Only time will tell:)