Is he a sociopath or why did he act this way? I cant sleep anymore.

[sedara564]

Hello (sorry for my english) i am from an another country..

So I just wanted your opinion to what happend to me, because i am very confused.

I was on a dating app, and a pretty good looking guy texted me. We wrote like for hours and connected very vell. Like everything he said, i could relate to, like he is reading my mind. But then he told me a story, and i was a little confused about his behavior. He explained to me, that he was in a club extremely drunk, and he told a very christian women, that some voice told him she is going to heaven, and she cried. I asked him, why he did that and he said, i just like playing games with people minds sometimes, but i feel bad about it now and its a long time ago and he was drunk, so he learned that its not okay. I just thought hmm, wow he can be very manipulative, but what ever its years ago.
One night he called me facetime, and we talked a bit he wanted to meet his friends, and he said one day we can meet too if you have time and i said yeah that would be cool, and he said you know i can tell my friends that i am not coming today, and meeting you and i said hmm, but its very late. I dont know. He said i understand, you‘re right but then i thought hmm but i wanna meet him, so i said to him okay, when you come, we stay in my place (because i have pretty bad experiences with men) he said yea thats totally fine. We went to a bar together then in the near of my place, he came with the car 22:00 am and we were there like for 4 hours, and talked a lot, he had a look in my eye that mesmerized me, like extremely intense. I felt connected. I never had that before. Then i shared my storys with him, and he shared a very sad story too and described that in the past he wanted to kill himself. I extremly empathized with him. But then he just changed the topic immediately and talked about other things. After that he asked me if i am hungry, i said yes then we went to a restaurant. After that, it was already 4:00 AM, we were in his car, we talked a lot, laughed a lot, and then he grabbed my neck and kissed me, we kissed extremly intense like in movies. I was very shy then. He noticed that and asked me if i wanna smoke a cigarette (i think to calm me down) and i said yes, when we finished he pulled me to himself softly and kissed my neck, and grabbed my boobs. I knew that he wanted to have sex with me, but i am virgin. So i asked about his bodycount, and then i told him that i am virgin. He respected that, but later he asked me if i wanna try it, i said no. He said everything needs time right? Thats okay and kissed me and we just did petting.


It was 6:00 am (night) then i asked him if we wanna go home, because its very late and he said omg i absolutely forget the time. (His Home was 1:30h away from mine with the car) and he said okay. While he was driving he was holding my hand. After that night, i was totally mesmerized, but the next day he seemed to be uninterested. So i didnt text him, and he asked me then if something happened, i explained to him that i feel that he is uninterested, and he said noo i am overthinking so much, and he is totally interested and i am so sweet, and that he wants to meet me again. After that, he was very sweet, he texted me every day. Asked me a lot about my life and what i like, what i want. We texted a lot. But i just felt like something is different, my gut wants to tell me something.. One day he didn‘t text me whole day. Then in the night he was sending me a reel, and i didn’t open the message, then he wrote me again, he didn‘t even explain why he didn‘t text me the whole day ( i mean thats okay, but suddenly after you normally text me all day?) anyway, we talked and then he said out of nowhere, i am gonna beat someone, and he didnt answer my messages anymore. The next day he wrote my like everything is normal, and i asked him if he did that and he said he just felt like it but didnt do it. I just thought maybe he was stressed or something, sad and became angry, and i asked him, but he didnt answer and changed the topic, so i thought he just dont wanna talk about it. So we changed the topic and we talked about manipulation and he told me that he manipulates a lot of people, but he genuinely cares about a few people in his life and i am one of the persons he finds interesting and i just thought oh no, he tries to manipulate me right here. He also said that there is no difference between a good speaker and a manipulator. But i don‘t know why i couldn‘t accept that. So i talked with him about my concerns and he said he understands me 100% and he would like to explain it to me tonight, because we actually wanted to meet on that day. I said okay. So we chilled together, and we visited my friends on s spot. They liked him very much and they said he is charming. He said to me we can stay with them if you want,but we planned to do something alone, so i said no its okay. We went to a restaurant then, ate something and parked on a spot. I felt uncomfortable on that spot, and told him that and i explained why. On that spot some guy slapped my face and touched me and i didnt want it and he asked me a few times, why i didnt go to the police station, and that was wrong and the guy should get punished for that. After that the talk we wanted to smoke a cigarette, he asked me for one and i realized my bag got stolen on the toliette of the restaurant. We went back and we searched. We didnt found the bag. He said block all your cards and helped me but he was extremly pissed, I didnt understand why? because it was my bag. So after that happend, we chilled in his car and he said i‘ll let you forget that and making you happy. He drove to a very hidden spot, and we had petting at first. Then he took a condom out of his bag, wanted to f*ck me, without asking me if i want that. I said a few times i cant, but he didnt accept that and slapped my face slightly and said shut up. (Exactly the same story with the other guy i told him and he said he should get punished) but he was worse. The other guy wanted to touch me against my will, but he even wanted to f*ck me against my will. And while he was trying he asked me a few times if i am okay, like bro why you‘re asking that you‘re doing something against my will right now? I said i really can‘t! and he stopped. We didnt talk for a few minutes, i was extremly scared and he went out of the car and said lets smoke vape then, i said no i am fine, its too cold he said come here. Because i was scared i listened to him. He looked at me all the time, and asked me again if i am okay, i said yes. He pulled me to him, kissed my forhead and said i am sorry because of your bag. We should go to the police station tomorrow. I was so confused. I said i just wanna go home and sleep. He drove me home, on the way he kissed me and hold my hand and said, i wish i had a copy of you so i can take you everywhere with me, and asked me if i wanna chill with him more but it was already 6:00 am and he even came to my door and waited til the elevator came. I caught him looking at me animalistic, extremely obsessive and I asked, why are you looking at me like that? He just meant it. I got into the elevator and was just happy that I got away unscathed. The next day he asked me how I was and then I told him everything I was thinking because that evening I didn't dare because I was too afraid that he would do something to me.


He then called me, apologized, said he felt bad because I felt bad. And I said I didn't want the contact anymore because he was only interested in sex and he said I thought you wanted it too because we wrote stuff like that in the chat. You just said I can't, not I don't want to and I wanted to help you overcome your fear. I said I still didn't want any contact. On the same day I broke off contact, I saw him online again on the app and confronted him, he said you were the only girl I was interested in after a long time, we discussed and he didn't even take me seriously, when I said goodbye he said, "see you later" I'm traumatized because of him. I blamed myself completely and have extreme trust issues.

Is that a typical behavior for a sociopath? I need answers.

Thank you.

 

[Sideways]

Is that a typical behavior for a sociopath?

No. It’s typical behaviour of a jerk.

Do you have ptsd?

 

[PerfectEmpire]

I am so sorry for everything both men did to you. Whether or not he is a sociopath is not something that matters as much as the fact that he is extremely unsafe and demented, regardless. Your healing is important and it sounds like you still blame yourself a lot. He sounds a lot like my rapist/trafficker/abuser. I am so glad you went no contact when you did. You are wise and strong! You may find it useful to read books about psychopathy and seek therapy with a sexual trauma therapist. Even if rape does not occur, experiences like this can still be traumatic. This was a horrible frightening experience. You may still be processing the intense emotions of this. You are not alone.

Whether or not he is a sociopath, he sounds dangerous, and this was a deeply frightening and disturbing experience. To process this may be a journey that takes some time, and that journey may include reading books on sociopathy/psychopathy and seeing the similarities to help process. The goal, in my experience, is not to diagnose the other person, but to see the patterns and features they have that are consistent with the literature. This helps to process and understand, and help ward off future predators.

One feature I noticed from your description of his behavior is the extreme back and forth between callous animalistic predator and soft tender human being. This juxtaposition of violent selfish impulsive callousness with tenderness is something I've observed in multiple men who raped or otherwise assaulted me. That juxtaposition of cold violence and tenderness is also noted by at least one rape researcher whose lectures I listened to.

Your description also captures well his lack of empathy and sense of annoyance at the suffering or vulnerability of others.

Your description does seem consistent with what I know about sexual predators and psychopathy. I hate knowing he's out there preying on vulnerable people. One of the traumatic elements of this is that there may be nothing you can do to protect others from him specifically. You may also need to process that. But you can use this experience as a catalyst to educate yourself, heal, and become an advocate and educator on these issues. You seem to have a really good intuition and understanding and that might translate to being able to help others who have also survived these situations to process their own story.

 

[Weemie]

It doesn't matter. He makes you uncomfortable, so stop interacting with him. It isn't court and you don't need a lawyer. People are allowed to dislike others for any reason at all. Even if he isn't a sociopath or didn't actually do anything inappropriate, you are still uncomfortable with how he's behaving and it's causing you stress. Thus there is nothing wrong with choosing to leave him.

 

[SallyO]

Hello (sorry for my english) i am from an another country..

So I just wanted your opinion to what happend to me, because i am very confused.

I was on a dating app, and a pretty good looking guy texted me. We wrote like for hours and connected very vell. Like everything he said, i could relate to, like he is reading my mind. But then he told me a story, and i was a little confused about his behavior. He explained to me, that he was in a club extremely drunk, and he told a very christian women, that some voice told him she is going to heaven, and she cried. I asked him, why he did that and he said, i just like playing games with people minds sometimes, but i feel bad about it now and its a long time ago and he was drunk, so he learned that its not okay. I just thought hmm, wow he can be very manipulative, but what ever its years ago.
One night he called me facetime, and we talked a bit he wanted to meet his friends, and he said one day we can meet too if you have time and i said yeah that would be cool, and he said you know i can tell my friends that i am not coming today, and meeting you and i said hmm, but its very late. I dont know. He said i understand, you‘re right but then i thought hmm but i wanna meet him, so i said to him okay, when you come, we stay in my place (because i have pretty bad experiences with men) he said yea thats totally fine. We went to a bar together then in the near of my place, he came with the car 22:00 am and we were there like for 4 hours, and talked a lot, he had a look in my eye that mesmerized me, like extremely intense. I felt connected. I never had that before. Then i shared my storys with him, and he shared a very sad story too and described that in the past he wanted to kill himself. I extremly empathized with him. But then he just changed the topic immediately and talked about other things. After that he asked me if i am hungry, i said yes then we went to a restaurant. After that, it was already 4:00 AM, we were in his car, we talked a lot, laughed a lot, and then he grabbed my neck and kissed me, we kissed extremly intense like in movies. I was very shy then. He noticed that and asked me if i wanna smoke a cigarette (i think to calm me down) and i said yes, when we finished he pulled me to himself softly and kissed my neck, and grabbed my boobs. I knew that he wanted to have sex with me, but i am virgin. So i asked about his bodycount, and then i told him that i am virgin. He respected that, but later he asked me if i wanna try it, i said no. He said everything needs time right? Thats okay and kissed me and we just did petting.


It was 6:00 am (night) then i asked him if we wanna go home, because its very late and he said omg i absolutely forget the time. (His Home was 1:30h away from mine with the car) and he said okay. While he was driving he was holding my hand. After that night, i was totally mesmerized, but the next day he seemed to be uninterested. So i didnt text him, and he asked me then if something happened, i explained to him that i feel that he is uninterested, and he said noo i am overthinking so much, and he is totally interested and i am so sweet, and that he wants to meet me again. After that, he was very sweet, he texted me every day. Asked me a lot about my life and what i like, what i want. We texted a lot. But i just felt like something is different, my gut wants to tell me something.. One day he didn‘t text me whole day. Then in the night he was sending me a reel, and i didn’t open the message, then he wrote me again, he didn‘t even explain why he didn‘t text me the whole day ( i mean thats okay, but suddenly after you normally text me all day?) anyway, we talked and then he said out of nowhere, i am gonna beat someone, and he didnt answer my messages anymore. The next day he wrote my like everything is normal, and i asked him if he did that and he said he just felt like it but didnt do it. I just thought maybe he was stressed or something, sad and became angry, and i asked him, but he didnt answer and changed the topic, so i thought he just dont wanna talk about it. So we changed the topic and we talked about manipulation and he told me that he manipulates a lot of people, but he genuinely cares about a few people in his life and i am one of the persons he finds interesting and i just thought oh no, he tries to manipulate me right here. He also said that there is no difference between a good speaker and a manipulator. But i don‘t know why i couldn‘t accept that. So i talked with him about my concerns and he said he understands me 100% and he would like to explain it to me tonight, because we actually wanted to meet on that day. I said okay. So we chilled together, and we visited my friends on s spot. They liked him very much and they said he is charming. He said to me we can stay with them if you want,but we planned to do something alone, so i said no its okay. We went to a restaurant then, ate something and parked on a spot. I felt uncomfortable on that spot, and told him that and i explained why. On that spot some guy slapped my face and touched me and i didnt want it and he asked me a few times, why i didnt go to the police station, and that was wrong and the guy should get punished for that. After that the talk we wanted to smoke a cigarette, he asked me for one and i realized my bag got stolen on the toliette of the restaurant. We went back and we searched. We didnt found the bag. He said block all your cards and helped me but he was extremly pissed, I didnt understand why? because it was my bag. So after that happend, we chilled in his car and he said i‘ll let you forget that and making you happy. He drove to a very hidden spot, and we had petting at first. Then he took a condom out of his bag, wanted to f*ck me, without asking me if i want that. I said a few times i cant, but he didnt accept that and slapped my face slightly and said shut up. (Exactly the same story with the other guy i told him and he said he should get punished) but he was worse. The other guy wanted to touch me against my will, but he even wanted to f*ck me against my will. And while he was trying he asked me a few times if i am okay, like bro why you‘re asking that you‘re doing something against my will right now? I said i really can‘t! and he stopped. We didnt talk for a few minutes, i was extremly scared and he went out of the car and said lets smoke vape then, i said no i am fine, its too cold he said come here. Because i was scared i listened to him. He looked at me all the time, and asked me again if i am okay, i said yes. He pulled me to him, kissed my forhead and said i am sorry because of your bag. We should go to the police station tomorrow. I was so confused. I said i just wanna go home and sleep. He drove me home, on the way he kissed me and hold my hand and said, i wish i had a copy of you so i can take you everywhere with me, and asked me if i wanna chill with him more but it was already 6:00 am and he even came to my door and waited til the elevator came. I caught him looking at me animalistic, extremely obsessive and I asked, why are you looking at me like that? He just meant it. I got into the elevator and was just happy that I got away unscathed. The next day he asked me how I was and then I told him everything I was thinking because that evening I didn't dare because I was too afraid that he would do something to me.


He then called me, apologized, said he felt bad because I felt bad. And I said I didn't want the contact anymore because he was only interested in sex and he said I thought you wanted it too because we wrote stuff like that in the chat. You just said I can't, not I don't want to and I wanted to help you overcome your fear. I said I still didn't want any contact. On the same day I broke off contact, I saw him online again on the app and confronted him, he said you were the only girl I was interested in after a long time, we discussed and he didn't even take me seriously, when I said goodbye he said, "see you later" I'm traumatized because of him. I blamed myself completely and have extreme trust issues.

Is that a typical behavior for a sociopath? I need answers.

Thank you.

He could also be a malignant narcissist. Whatever it is it isn't good. I grew up the scapegoat with 2 alcoholic parents and I have ended up attracting narcissists because i came out with an unconscious belief that I was unloveable, always wrong and a fear of abandonment. Because of that I was a magnet for narcissists who can never be wrong, manipulative and great at gaslighting and lying. I went to CoDA and it has been very helpful in me trying to heal my side of this.