Relationship Is it caution or is it over the top?

[Never_falter2]

My husband gave me a gps tracker so he can know where I am. How do you think. Is it the normal caution of a PTSD sufferer or over the top? Is it necessary?

Just asking because people seem to think it is odd I feel the need to be protected. Is it protective or over the top?

 

[asadafagahajakal]

What was his reasoning behind it? Personally my wife and I have been in a couple situations where I'd make her pop me a text every half hour to make sure she's safe. But a gps tracker? I'd never do that unless my wife and I were in the middle of nowhere

 

[asadafagahajakal]

Just asking because people seem to think it is odd I feel the need to be protected. Is it protecti...

Being protective would be like asking to check on him so he knows your safe. Or him giving you a weapon or teaching you how to protect yourself. I couldn't justify tracking my own partner with a gps unless we knew for sure our lives were in danger.

 

[Never_falter2]

His reasoning is that in case of emergency he might be able to find me/us. Say I don't come home and he has no idea where I am and maybe I am hurt or dying or whatever.
He makes me text him every day when he is away on a job, but every hour. No, I have got other things to do.

What is the purpose of having to text if she does not have a gps tracker? So she does not text. You know something might be wrong but cannot find her.

 

[Justmehere]

Did you ask to be followed with a GPS tracker? Do you want this? Do you feel better with him doing this?

It's not "normal" and I don't think it's healthy, but even more so, no matter his diagnosis, you get to decide what is and is ok for you. That is what is most important.

Are you ok with this?

I have PTSD but I personally can't imagine tracking a partner with a tracker. It would feel like such an invasion of their privacy. What happens if you are not where he expects or wants you to be?

He is dealing with a high level of anxiety (crossing into paranoia) to feel compelled to track you like that or to request a text every hour. The fact that he is escalating from texts to GPS tracking is a sign this could be a very obsessive and controlling expression of his anxiety. And unhelpful to his recovery. I personally would say no, set a boundary, and allow his anxiety to compel him to seek more treatment for his symptoms - not to try to solve his anxiety through his constant monitoring of you. It's a way to try to escape dealing with the real issues that are causing his anxiety. I suggest helping him find a healthier solution.

 

[Never_falter2]

It was not me who had to text every hour. That was somebody else. I would not do that.

Personally I did not want him to track me but I said it was okay as a saw it made him feel at ease. After a while I thought " Who knows. May be it really is helpful in case of emergency".
Being with him sometimes makes me feel like the world is a dangerous place because he sees danger behind every corner.

I know he is not spying on me and I have got nothing to hide. He just wants to be sure that I am safe!

 

[Never_falter2]

"In case of emergency" is btw one of his favourite lines. "In case of emergency humans lifes depend on ..."
Who likes to endanger the life of themselves and others, 7Ps and so on?

 

[Justmehere]

There are apps (like Lifeline in the US) that allow someone to notify selected people of their location in an emergency. Some have the option to turn them on and if the users thumb comes off the screen, they have 15 seconds to type in a code or it alerts police and the selected people of the location and need for help. So I get it, there is a place for the user to use tracking technology to ask for help.

In this case though, it's all in his hands 24/7, and you didn't want it or ask for it. While it might seem like it helps his anxiety now, it may be reinforcing the distorted thought that there is danger all the time. Not everything that leads to a PTSD sufferer feeling better is actually healthy or good for their long term recovery.

As a sufferer, I have a bazillion "in case of emergency plans." I am miss over-prepared. I've found a healthier balance for it over time, and I feel lighter, better. Some of the tendency to be ready for every possible emergency is healthy, and some of it isn't.

To decide what is and isn't ok - focus on what you are ok with and not.

 

[Never_falter2]

I really don't know what is okay and what not. I think I have poor judgement skills. I just know that before I met him I never thought about those things (and somehow managed to survive nevertheless, but maybe just lucky ;).

He also gave me a strategic flashlight to always carry with me which again I felt was over the top.

I don't understand how that app you are talking about works. You always have to have your hand on the screen? Or did I get this wrong.

 

[Justmehere]

The app may not be available in other countries. I have it and the idea is that I turn to choose it on before I walk through a dark alley, and I put my thumb on it, and if anyone messes with me and this my thumb comes off, help is notified. It's not a constant tracking, and I do it for myself. I turn it on for 2-3 minutes maybe once or twice a week. No one is notified of my location unless my thumb comes off and I don't put into the code for that short period of time re on.

I carry mace too, but it's my choice. If I suggested to a friend or family member that I would like them to carry mace or any other safety device, and they said that they didn't want to, and they are an adult… that's up to them. I can advocate, but I can't make them do it.

You are also totally allowed to change your mind at any point in time. You can try it for a bit, and if it's just not your thing, that's OK. You can try not doing it for a bit and then if you change your mind and want to do it that's OK too.

Your judgment is more sound then it may feel like, and at the end of the day, it is your call. I think that's the most important thing. Not so much as to whether or not you use this or that safety device, but that you know you do have the freedom to say no, and pick and choose what you do and do not want to do.

 

[asadafagahajakal]

It was not me who had to text every hour. That was somebody else. I would not do that.

Personally...

If anything, there are trackers that won't send a beacon out unless you, the person with the tracker, push a button. There are apps for that. Tell him you'll hit the button if you're ever in trouble. Persistent tracking isn't necessary or normal.

 

[Ivi]

Personally, for me, I'd be shocked if my partner asked me to have a GPS tracker. And I've got PTSD and would never ask the same of him even though I get moments where I'm clingy and petrified he'll leave me I'd never want to violate his privacy, even if he were to start gigging again and be away for weeks on end.