Is It Me Or Her Ptsd?

[Kirill617]

I started dating this girl i havnt seen in years. Everything was perfect we loved to be around eachother doing anything. She had briefly told me she had PTSD because of her abusive boyfriend that she had the during the time we didn't see eachoher. She told me sometimes she would not talk to me or wanna hug or kiss because of flashbacks. We hooked up a few times and had sex once. One day she did not feel like having sex so I asked if she would want to give me oral, she has before so I felt it was ok. She got real mad and I think had a flash back because she told me to stay away and she was breathing heavy. She had to leave to get her medication. After that She doesn't answer my calls or text for a few days, and then I find out she was missing for sometime and her mother tells me it's not a good time when I came by to see her. She's been ignoring me for a week and then I find out from her Facebook post that she went to the hospital for the weekend with security wTching her room. I'm completely confused, she won't tell me what happened, is she mad at me, is it over between us, i don't know anything and don't want to text or call anymore because I feel like I'm making her more angry. She won't tell me anything, I don't know what to do, I care about this girl, don't want to lose her. She talks to her friends on Facebook but won't say anything to me. Please help

 

[goingonhope]

IMO, she's very afraid, likely hurt and presently not interested. Accept this, be a friend and leave her alone; Not a situation or relationship you want to attempt to try and control. You care about her and don't want to lose her, so when she calls you, chat with her, and get to better know your new friend.

 

[Kirill617]

Known her for years, we wanted to be together but she was with her abusive boyfriend. She got a restraining order on him and we got together. She was real happy her friends and family told me. I though it was the flash back that made her afraid or embarrassed to talk to me. I didn't think she would lose interest so quick.

 

[Jawn]

Please read the articles on the home page about PTSD. Especially the cup article. It will help you begin to understand her reaction. However, the ball is in her court and pressing the issue right now will only make things worse. Educate yourself and try to be there if/when she reaches out to you again.

 

[Tinyflame]

Known her for years, we wanted to be together but she was with her abusive boyfriend. She got a restraining order on him and we got together. She was real happy her friends and family told me. I though it was the flash back that made her afraid or embarrassed to talk to me. I didn't think she would lose interest so quick.

Probably all of the above Kirill.The others have given you good advice.

 

[anthony]

Its not going to be that simple Kirill... you're going to need to get to know the real her, because you obviously don't, as you are only just starting to see one small glipse of PTSD due to her abusive past, and it has lost you. The girl you knew, is their, but not there. You need to take on getting to know her all over again now she has been abused. She needs to feel safe and secure, if sex was abused, ie. raped or assaulted, then she has a lot to work through.

I doubt your comment was anything to do with what you said, but more about what has happened to her that you do not yet know.

 

[Kirill617]

Thank you guys this helps alot. I'm hoping I can talk to her soon and explain to her that I would never hurt her and would protect her and make her feel safe. And that I understand her situation better now after reading about PTSD. Would it be bad idea to try to see he in person?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think communication in person is better (as regards communication itself) but sometimes it can be too much. I think considering her 'weekend' you mentioned I wouldn't do more than a message saying what you said above and leaving it at that. And I'd leave out the part about the ptsd.

 

[anthony]

Just be honest is my suggestion... tell her that you simply don't know where you stand now, nor that you understand PTSD, but are trying to learn.

 

[Kirill617]

I'm hoping she will contact me soon when she's out of the hospital, i hope I was not making things worse when I texted her a bunch last week asking her what happened. I want to know if it's over between us or not

 

[AmyO]

You will have to take it slow. There are so many aspects of Ptsd that aren't so simple. She may just need the time to get back to grounded. Even if at first you just have a family member or a friend she talks to let her know that you still care about her and that you will give her space, you just want the chance to be with her. Put out there to her that you are there if she needs you with no expectations. You need to be patient first and foremost when dealing with someone with Ptsd because any aggravated gestures or even a simple change in your facial expressions will trigger a flashback.

Then let her think and get back to where she needs to be emotionally. And if you truly want to be with her, research the heck out of it. Read the articles that Anthony has posted, and just be the compassionate partner that brought you here. Any relationship takes work, a Ptsd relationship takes a whole new meaning of work. Love can conquer a lot though, just let your heart be your guide.

 

[anthony]

Once she feels safer after time with you, then the same type of comments to her won't provoke the same response; but whilst it is just new again... you are for all intensive purposes, dating from scratch due to PTSD.