It's absolutely normal to have anxiety or fear about sex, especially after trauma. I had that problem for a long time and would self-medicate just to be able to do it--I do NOT recommend this method.
One of the things that helped me get over it is a truly supportive partner who I know won't hurt me. e have similar inclinations regarding sex, and similar beliefs about what it means spiritually and psychologically. We talk about it fairly often, and about what we want/need and how we're feeling. There's never any pressure, and when I talk about my trauma he's not put off by it, but appreciative that I shared with him. So that matters.
Finally, I'll give you some advice that a therapist gave me: masturbate.
I know a lot of people (especially women) are put off by the idea, but it is a great way to get comfortable with yourself and your sexuality and is also a great stress-reliever. For women who have survived sexual assault of some kind, vibrators are recommended because it eliminates the sensation of physical touching and calms the nerves in that area in ways that hands can't. You can get good ones fairly cheap. ;)
