I ask this because my whole life I have been unable to tell what is appropriate or not. I never would tell my young children, or my teenage children, or even adult chldren up to now that I was in and out of therapy due to childhood and teenage and young adult abuse from family (and then some other traumatic events). I didn't think it was healthy for them. Now my extended family is dealing with communication problems and planning celebrations together and there is a lot of "baggage" cropping up that has to be dealth with. One of my adult children expressed their feelings to the entire extended family when something was done that made my child feel "less than" and "left out." I had a huge blind spot to this due my upbringing and did not stand up for my adult child. So my kid was hurt by me and we had this sort of argument over it last week. Not sort of. It was a big arguement. Slowly my brain began to understand that I was back there in that "trauma bonding" stuff where the powers have all the say and I do whatever is necessary to keep the powers happy, including throwing my own kid under the bus, as they say, and not backing my kid's needs and wants.
So I discussed some of these issues in therapy today and I can now really see the dynamic. I can't stand up to my siblings due to sibling abuse, and I can see my kid was absolutely healthy and mature and expressing their feelings and needs. (wow imagine that!) So I told my adult child today that I talked about this issue in my therapy session. She asked what my therapist said and I told her that I can see that I have huge blinders on because of my childhood and the way I cope with it iis to just please the all others, and have no needs or wants. My needs don't matter, the needs of my kids don't matter. all that matters is that those in power get what they want and have peace. I tried to express to my adult child today that I was wrong and that I am very sorry about my all blind spots.
Now I just don't know if I was correct or appropriate to even tell my adult kid that I am in therapy for childhood stuff. First it involves their aunts uncles and grandparents. I'm so frickin' old to be figuring this relational stuff out. Relationally I just don't understand so much. My entire life is give to others, never take, never have needs. (this is not an exaggeration.) I can see this hurt my kids actually and I made them part of the madness. I feel terrible about that. Is it ever appropriate to talk to an adult child that you are in therapy and what the topics of therapy are? I'm supposed to be the parent. I never, ever wanted my kids to feel like they had to take care of me. So I'm confused. I feel I may have erred by telling my kid I have a therapist and talked about the extended family's drama in session. (I didn't know what topic should be in-relational or childhood)
So I discussed some of these issues in therapy today and I can now really see the dynamic. I can't stand up to my siblings due to sibling abuse, and I can see my kid was absolutely healthy and mature and expressing their feelings and needs. (wow imagine that!) So I told my adult child today that I talked about this issue in my therapy session. She asked what my therapist said and I told her that I can see that I have huge blinders on because of my childhood and the way I cope with it iis to just please the all others, and have no needs or wants. My needs don't matter, the needs of my kids don't matter. all that matters is that those in power get what they want and have peace. I tried to express to my adult child today that I was wrong and that I am very sorry about my all blind spots.
Now I just don't know if I was correct or appropriate to even tell my adult kid that I am in therapy for childhood stuff. First it involves their aunts uncles and grandparents. I'm so frickin' old to be figuring this relational stuff out. Relationally I just don't understand so much. My entire life is give to others, never take, never have needs. (this is not an exaggeration.) I can see this hurt my kids actually and I made them part of the madness. I feel terrible about that. Is it ever appropriate to talk to an adult child that you are in therapy and what the topics of therapy are? I'm supposed to be the parent. I never, ever wanted my kids to feel like they had to take care of me. So I'm confused. I feel I may have erred by telling my kid I have a therapist and talked about the extended family's drama in session. (I didn't know what topic should be in-relational or childhood)
