MaggieRose6117
New Here
Have been thinking about the behaviour of the guy I love.
I am the first 'relationship' he has had (at age 25), and the most we have ever done is talk. We have discussed dating, but nervously. Before he went overseas on his first ever trip, for training, we were very close and he said he'd make sure he found WiFi so we could chat. But I felt that he might not have time as he was working hard and was with his boss, so I didn't pressure him - contacted him just once. When he came back, he was cool towards me, so I gave him space. We train at a dojo together and a few weeks ago I didn't greet him immediately I walked in, which I usually do. He looked a bit upset during class. The next class, he was there first and I walked in second (it was just us to for a while) and he couldn't even greet me - he was beyond upset and angry. I asked him if we could talk and he snapped "Okay" at me. I asked him if he was okay and he said, "No". I said, "I guess you meditate when you feel bad" (because he usually does) and he said, "No. I don't meditate anymore. Nothing helps." He looked very desperate. I spoke quietly and soothingly to him until he calmed down and even smiled and got back to normal, but stared at me very intensely all through class.
A week later, he suddenly informed sensei that he won't be at the dojo for a month as he has a lot of work. He is a black belt and a teacher at the dojo, so sensei was very shocked, as he has only ever missed training in eight years due to illness.
We have had times when he trusts me enough to get close and he opens the door, but also times when he pushes me away hard, is rude to me, etc. But this time around he is just distant and takes a long time to answer my texts. I told him I would leave him in peace for a while and that he should take care because he is loved. He said "Thanks".
Is it possible I am a trigger now? I used to be the one person he could talk to and confide him. Now it's as if it's all too intense for him to handle. :(
I know he needs therapy, etc. - but I would love to try to understand what may be going on in his mind.
His history is: childhood trauma (unspecified), mom tries to kill herself x 2, brother tried to kill himself x2, dad got shot when hijacked in their driveway but survived.
I am the first 'relationship' he has had (at age 25), and the most we have ever done is talk. We have discussed dating, but nervously. Before he went overseas on his first ever trip, for training, we were very close and he said he'd make sure he found WiFi so we could chat. But I felt that he might not have time as he was working hard and was with his boss, so I didn't pressure him - contacted him just once. When he came back, he was cool towards me, so I gave him space. We train at a dojo together and a few weeks ago I didn't greet him immediately I walked in, which I usually do. He looked a bit upset during class. The next class, he was there first and I walked in second (it was just us to for a while) and he couldn't even greet me - he was beyond upset and angry. I asked him if we could talk and he snapped "Okay" at me. I asked him if he was okay and he said, "No". I said, "I guess you meditate when you feel bad" (because he usually does) and he said, "No. I don't meditate anymore. Nothing helps." He looked very desperate. I spoke quietly and soothingly to him until he calmed down and even smiled and got back to normal, but stared at me very intensely all through class.
A week later, he suddenly informed sensei that he won't be at the dojo for a month as he has a lot of work. He is a black belt and a teacher at the dojo, so sensei was very shocked, as he has only ever missed training in eight years due to illness.
We have had times when he trusts me enough to get close and he opens the door, but also times when he pushes me away hard, is rude to me, etc. But this time around he is just distant and takes a long time to answer my texts. I told him I would leave him in peace for a while and that he should take care because he is loved. He said "Thanks".
Is it possible I am a trigger now? I used to be the one person he could talk to and confide him. Now it's as if it's all too intense for him to handle. :(
I know he needs therapy, etc. - but I would love to try to understand what may be going on in his mind.
His history is: childhood trauma (unspecified), mom tries to kill herself x 2, brother tried to kill himself x2, dad got shot when hijacked in their driveway but survived.
