Is It Possible To Be a Victim of Violent Trama and NOT have PTSD?

[missy8888]

Simpleman, Life Not so Simple

Eddy,

yeah he definately doesn't feel 26... he has said he thought of rejoining for the same reasons you mentioned.. But he does have a purpose....So do you hun.. We all do.. I will tell you the same thing i tell him.... Try (and i say try, cause i know it isn't that easy for u) to let some of the good in..

The world IS a scary place (i have seen it all to well during my course of employment)...and it seems it is falling apart one country at a time... BUT there is STILL alot of good out there... it is just a pain in the balls weeding through the bullshit to find it.

Thats why, when something good finds you.... ACCEPT it....and don't go running and screaming in the opposite direction....lol.. just because something feels foriegn... doesn't mean it isn't good..

I also would have to agree with childhood having possibly contributed to your PTSD in the sandbox. Without even asking my bf, i can tell you he grew up in a home with both parents having substance abuse issues..and i can also tell you he had insecurity and anxiety BEFORE he went into the military.. So i definately think he was at greater risk for developing it..

Argh..... This is just hard......I wish i had a magic wand, and could tap you on the head ..... and poof.... u would forget all the hurt... Since i cant' i would give you a hug instead.

I am so sorry for everything you have gone through Eddy..Thank you for your post... oxooxoxox

Missy

 

[A-RON]

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum... You'll hear my story eventually.

As for this thread:

Missy, I think that anytime a person thinks they might need counseling should probably get it. Even if only 27% or 13% or 8% become PTSD sufferers, you'll never know for sure unless you investigate by addressing these issues with a counselor.

You might get a dummy counselor. That sucks. But atleast you would be taking that first step in recognizing that you can't do it on your own and that you need help. And you can always get a different counselor.

I read one of your other threads about war-related PTSD concerning your boyfriend, and personally I think it's important for both the carer and the sufferer to each get counseling seperately. The reason is that counseling could help you (the carer) to better equip yourself for the relationship that you are endeavoring in. The more you know about yourself, the more valuable you are to the person you are trying to help. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it just means that you are a smart and logical carer by consulting with a professional. Sometimes it's a great achievement just to realize that you don't have to do it all on your own.

On a related note, a lot of people with good intentions become what's known as an enabler to addictions and escapism. Enablers are usually carers. A PTSD sufferer might not have any issues with addictions such as alcohol, sex, drugs, etc. (or maybe they do), but sometimes all it takes is a caring person to say the wrong thing, which leads to the sufferer feeling isolated, misunderstood, and trying to escape. This is when bad habits form, and they typically don't end until after the enabler can accept that it is a mutual problem. The carer has so much power in directing the situation either toward growth or toward destruction, but if the carer doesn't have professional help, it will almost certainly lead to destruction.

Carers don't have to be saviors. They just need to be incredibly humble and honest, and ready to change their behavior as soon as they recognize any destructive patterns in the relationship.

By the way, my thoughts are just my thoughts with the experiences that I've had. My advice, like most advice, is not professionally qualified. I wish you and your boyfriend the best of success.

Truly,

Aaron

 

[patrick]

Reducing Effects

Missy,

The book you just ordered goes into a fair amount of detail about how warriors in other cultures are prepared for war and welcomed back afterwards, and how that reduces PTSD. Unfortunately, the author thinks that sort of thing is really hard to provide with the kind of wars we are waging now. I'll be interested to see what you think.

Eddy, what the WWII vet told you while you were in the hospital rings true for me. When I came back from Vietnam, I still had a year to go in the Army, which I spent at Fort Bragg. Everybody in the company was in the same boat I was, back from VN and just waiting to get out of the Army. I think we all got to do a lot of processing, and that it helped. At least when I finally did get out of the Army, I wasn't as nuts as I was when I first got back from VN. I guess it wasn't a complete cure though. I sure as hell spent almost 40 years making a mess of things before I learned I had PTSD. And it's gotten quite a bit worse since I learned I had it a month and a half ago.

Stick with getting better, Eddy, whatever it takes. So much better than being my age and looking back with regret for what could have been.

 

[Tinyflame]

Patrick/ Eddy,

I have spent 26 of 40 years of my life not knowing why I was the way I was and thinking it was just "me". I too believe that if the impacts of what people had gone through could be acknowledged and openly addressed and validated after they occur- in the military and otherwise- that it would substantially reduce the "frequency" of ptsd developing. There's nothing strange about us or our reactions, they are normal reactions to abnormal stress and situations. Sometimes I think that because other people don't know how to handle it it is easier to "sweep it under the carpet" and not talk about it. Speaking for myself (about my own traumas, past to ppresent) I always chose to do that for various reasons as well and it didn't help one bit in the long run.

I, have found that like you Patrick, the last 4 months have been the hardest months of my life and I would consider these months as both feeling (and doing) substantially worse. However, I believe in my heart - now- that this is just part of the "nasty facts" of healing and management of ptsd. For the first time I can say I believe that I can actually learn sufficient tools to foresee and feel (dare I say) "hope", now that more of the denial is gone and acceptance is there in it's place.
You have much life to live yet (even though I know- believe me I know- that you probably don't likely feel that way now.)

I DO Thank all of you Vets and everybody in the Military for taking on what most of us do not have the guts, generosity or selflessness to do.

NO ONE in the Military has EVER wasted their life. -Sacrificed so much, yes- but wasted it, never.

 

[missy8888]

Aaron

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum... You'll hear my story eventually.

As for this thread:

Missy, I think that anytime a person thinks they might need counseling should probably get it. Even if only 27% or 13% or 8% become PTSD sufferers, you'll never know for sure unless you investigate by addressing these issues with a counselor.

You might get a dummy counselor. That sucks. But atleast you would be taking that first step in recognizing that you can't do it on your own and that you need help. And you can always get a different counselor.

I read one of your other threads about war-related PTSD concerning your boyfriend, and personally I think it's important for both the carer and the sufferer to each get counseling seperately. The reason is that counseling could help you (the carer) to better equip yourself for the relationship that you are endeavoring in. The more you know about yourself, the more valuable you are to the person you are trying to help. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it just means that you are a smart and logical carer by consulting with a professional. Sometimes it's a great achievement just to realize that you don't have to do it all on your own.

On a related note, a lot of people with good intentions become what's known as an enabler to addictions and escapism. Enablers are usually carers. A PTSD sufferer might not have any issues with addictions such as alcohol, sex, drugs, etc. (or maybe they do), but sometimes all it takes is a caring person to say the wrong thing, which leads to the sufferer feeling isolated, misunderstood, and trying to escape. This is when bad habits form, and they typically don't end until after the enabler can accept that it is a mutual problem. The carer has so much power in directing the situation either toward growth or toward destruction, but if the carer doesn't have professional help, it will almost certainly lead to destruction.

Carers don't have to be saviors. They just need to be incredibly humble and honest, and ready to change their behavior as soon as they recognize any destructive patterns in the relationship.

By the way, my thoughts are just my thoughts with the experiences that I've had. My advice, like most advice, is not professionally qualified. I wish you and your boyfriend the best of success.

Truly,

Aaron

Thank you for your advice. I definately want to do anything i can to help my boyfriend.. I do want to go to therapy with him when he is ready, and i also am looking into going myself to help deal with his illness, cause i want to help him with his recovery.

I do know what you are talking about as far as enabling someone.. Just so you know that is not my case.. I know u read my other thread.. My point of all that.. Is my toughness is what he is drawn too.. He is able to open up to me cause i am strong.. Something he coulld never do in his previous relationships... He likes the fact he can talk about iraq, and see that i dont get all sqweemish... He doesnt pull away cause of stuff like that.. In fact he gets closer and communicates better cause he feels i don't judge him for what he has done..

so that was basically my point.. I am not like other girls... with me its like he has found a good buddy, best friend and girlfriend all in one package..he can talk to me like one of the guys....hang out like one of the guys......then go home with me and.....have the benefits of having a girl friend....so to speak....lol

I don't ask him questions about anything.. I let him lead the conversation. I always offer possitive support. I am careful with my words.. I am patient. and i am reasonable about my expectations of him..i respect his need to be alone or to be silent if that is what he needs at the moment.

I love him unconditionally. I am a good girl and my intentions are good..
Still kinda nervous finding a counselor cause i have heard some horror stories.. I do have a friend who is an OIF veteran, he is going to school right now for pys. So i do talk to him when i can. He is just really busy with school. He is married with a kid, and his wife is awesome.. So i know it can work. cause they did it... He tells me to keep doing what i am doing cause it will make a difference.. he also gave me a referral for a place for my bf (in our area) to go to other than the VA..

anyways thanks for your advice. I hope things will get better for you as well, cause you deserve to find happiness too..

 

[fin]

hey missy...
I wasnt sure whether to respond to this as many of the responses you have had refer to combat.

I have complex PTSD and while that covers sustained and related and unrelated trauma over a long time...
I have noticed in one of my sessions that one relationship I have had that was pretty bad for me...( I was repeatedly beaten etc) well I do not think this is part of my PTSD as i cant remember having flashbacks or triggers from this relationship at all- of course that doesnt mean that I dont, maybe i just cant remember ...(but i dont think so)

I tend not to really discuss this because my therapist said she didnt think it was relevant and Im not sure that it is. Although my therapy is only just starting also.

although I am pretty sure that it did feed into my low self worth etc and at no time do i think it was a healthy relationship... I was able to be proactive and got the hell out of it...maybe that was the difference I wasnt able to do anything about the others

Hope you find your answers
~fin

 

[missy8888]

Thanks Fin

your input is always welcome...i have ALOT to learn...and since PTSD isn't a cut and dry illness the more info i get the better.. So thank you for sharing.. :kiss:

 

[Auroch]

My take is that yes, it is possible to be a victim of a severe trauma and have no long term damage. Short term damage is a given.

I think different people have different tolerances to trauma, and somewhere along a sliding scale, you will find a trauma that is severe enough to cause PTSD for even the most resilient person. There may be a gray area, but PTSD comes in different severities as well. Your definition of "severe" also might be different from person to person. Having lived through what I consider to be pretty high on that scale, I have been pretty insulated from things that I wouldn't rank as highly (From my perspective) when they did happen to me.

My wife and I were hit by a drunk driver a few years ago - No physical injuries, we were in my massive tank of a pickup truck - but it was still scary. She was shaken for a while after it. It really didn't bother me at all. Given our dispositions and previous life experiences, we had very different reactions to it. Luckily, there was no real long term PTSD indicators, but she might well have (It was a pretty bad wreck) - but I don't think it would have bothered me even then. I can say "it's just a car wreck - Ive been through worse", while she cannot.

 

[Mina]

I'm no expert on this, but from some of what I've read, a lot depends on how the trauma was dealt with right after it happened. If a safe, caring support system is available so the victim can process the experience right away, the lingering effects can be reduced.

I've heard this as well, and believe it to be true, at least just from personal experience. I had virtually no support after my trauma, particularly not from the usual places I would go for support. I was on my own. Before, I'd always had a good support structure, but due to circumstances, I didn't right then. I know people who've been through more violent traumas than me, and they do not have PTSD. However, they had a lot of people who loved and cared for them rallying around them, supporting and helping them, and in some cases, doing a "de-brief" with them.

 

[patrick]

Mina,

Precisely. I think that's why you see counselors being sent out to schools after disasters. And I have a friend who is a trauma counselor with the Red Cross. He goes to natural disasters, like floods and fires, to offer what emotional support he can to the victims, right along with the people providing shelter and food. It's so amazing to me where the knowledge on this disorder has come in the last 25 or so years. Maybe some day nobody will have to go through what we have.

 

[Luthien]

Yeah, apparently it is. The ones who go through a trauma and don't develop it tend to be up on a pretty high horse though.

I remember being in a group therapy session and it was my turn to talk. You could choose to pass, but after a couple of weeks, I wanted to talk.

I shared my trauma, and many of the details. I will never forget the response I received. One of the other members got up and explained that she too had been raped, that her skull was even fractured in the attack, and that she didn't develop PTSD, so it must be due to a lack of resilience.

I was shocked that she said this, but even more shocked when the others, including the therapist seemed to agree. They said I must have been weaker in some way.

I already struggle with feelings of weakness, for not being physically strong enough to stop what happened, and for developing PTSD, and having all the symptoms I do.

I just don't know why some of us get it, and some don't. It is awful. It was really awful having to sit and listen to a whole group of people tell me it is due to my own weakness that I developed it though.

Sometimes I reject their opinions, and am able to see past what they said, but it is really hard sometimes. Are we really weaker for having developed PTSD after a trauma, or is there some explanation as to why some are unlucky enough to have to deal with it as well, while others seem unaffected by their trauma??

 

[patrick]

Luthien,

For almost 40 years I thought I didn't have PTSD. Couldn't have - I was just too tough for it. Granted, I made a complete shambles of my life in the process. I am now pretty much convinced I do, and have had all these years. There are a lot of factors that go into who gets it and who doesn't, and the exact nature of the trauma, if I'm not mistaken, is one of the smaller factors. I have had so many people tell me that I'm not a wimp for having PTSD that I'm starting to believe it. Some people (like me) are in denial, some have less troublesome symptoms, and some get what they need before and after the trauma so they don't develop long term symptoms at all. We're all different, but we're not weaker for having developed PTSD. If that were the case I sure as hell wouldn't be hanging around the forum as much as I do. I much prefer to spend my time with strong people.