Is It Possible To Dissociation Unnoticeably?

[GWhizz]

So in a recent therapy session, we were onto a difficult subject. I did my best to avoid the topic, but my T, being good at getting around me, got me to discuss some of it. I just remember feeling really exposed and literally blocking her out. I don't remember anything until I'd gotten home having self harmed. The next week she asked me had I done some work she'd given me at the end of the last session. But I didn't remember any of it. She told me she didn't notice but that I'd just gone quiet (I find it difficult to communicate anyway so I guess she figured it was usual).

So question, can you really dissociate without someone that close noticing? I know there are varying levels of dissociation, and I suppose I'm struggling to accept that I lose time at all.

ETA: I know that I dissociate, I'm diagnosed with dissociation. Just wondering how my T didn't notice

 

[Bloomy]

Very good question and Im eagerly waiting for more responses on this. Dont hink I know my self well enough to know if I do. I know I choose to dissociate sometimes to remove my self from situations I cant handle.
But yes - from earlier years I can reckognize loosing time with out knowing what happend so prob I was dissociating. I can actually hardly remember anything before late twenties.

 

[sedna]

Yes it is possible and even common. I had to be told when I was doing it a lot of the time. The problem is that I knew when I was doing it severely, like if I had sat in one spot staring out the window for 8 hours without moving, or if I felt that weird drugged out of touch feeling come on really fast in a situation. But if it was not either of those I was rarely aware of it.

It's good that a therapist points it out when they see it, but not if they're making it sound like you have control over it or did it on purpose. They should ask you how you felt or what you were thinking about just before you started to drift off. If you dont know because you didnt realize you did it, then ask them to tell you when you drifted off.

It is good to learn when this happens and why.

 

[GWhizz]

Yes it is possible and even common. I had to be told when I was doing it a lot of the time. The problem i...

But in my case my T didn't notice it to point it out. That's what scares me.

 

[Lucycat]

I think sometimes when I dissociate I go into 'auto-pilot' so others would not be aware as they see me acting normally. However afterwards I will have no recollection.

I think my T however is very astute and he would be likely to notice. He has in the past stayed with me beyond a session as he wanted to be sure I had 'returned' before he left me. At these times he would start me doing grounding techniques until I was recovered. He is so familiar with dissociation that he recognises it quickly. However Trauma is his specialty so he has studied it greatly.

 

[Abstract]

Unless I'm deep in it is apparently not easy to see that I'm in. I've had lots of problems in therapy as a result. I can also be in less deeply and apparently respond seemingly normally and yet have no recollection of what has happened at all. Or other times have a very broken up recollection with no emotion attached and can be hit by emotional content suddenly way after. There is other dissociative stuff that messes me up in t.

Personally I don't think of this for me as loosing time as I associate that term with having another part of the self experiencing things without the rests knowledge but thinking about it I guess that is what happens in a literal sense.

 

[Megyn]

My T notices when there are "signs" that I'm going to. For example, I'll start rubbing my forehead. I never even knew I did that. But other times I'll just "leave" with no signs. She'll only then notice if I don't answer questions.

What scares me most is when she's saying something and it's like she's literally speaking a foreign language. I don't understand, the words she says aren't even familiar to me. It hasn't happened much, but def frightening.

 

[EmmaOwl]

But in my case my T didn't notice it to point it out. That's what scares me.

GWhizz: try not to be scared is all I can say. It's really good that you told your therapist the next week! Now, maybe you can do something, like you said she noticed "you went quiet" .... Maybe you could work out some kind of signal or question she can ask to check what kind of state you're in.
ESPECIALLY when you are leaving therapy. That's a vulnerable time. (My therapist usually has to "throw" me out - no, not violently! - just walk me to the door, see me get to the car, etc - all while I am still talking! I get very attached. But one thing that has been valuable in my work with this particular therapist is he's able to "bring me back", sort of shifting gears, so we're not necessarily doing actual work on actual PTSD issues in the last ten minutes or so - it might sound like a waste of time, but I find it incredibly helpful. He'll distract me, get me talking on random stuff - books or tv - he's always telling me comedy shows I should watch on netflix :)

I have close to an hour drive home after therapy, so it works out very well for me. Everyone's relationship is different but maybe your therapist can at least check in with you...to find out if you are just quiet or if you are really dissociating badly. I know it's disconcerting - to say the least! :(

 

[sedna]

But in my case my T didn't notice it to point it out. That's what scares me.

They really should notice something like that. Its their job to be focused on you. If they say that they dont notice because you're so adept at covering it up on auto pilot then that is BS. It might be true for a family member or friend but not someone who's trained and sitting across from you with the intention of helping you with PTSD.

It's possible that they did notice but for some reason didnt want point it out to you the way you would've expected them to. I've had a good therapist tell me a year after what he'd noticed about me in previous sessions and he turned out to be much smarter than I thought.

I'll ask him next time why he didnt let me know what he was noticing at the time.

 

[Sideways]

Totally do it without people noticing, including me, alllll the time!

Thing is - your T did actually notice. Noticed you'd gone quiet. Now that you can feed back to your T "that's what dissociation looks like for me", your T is more likely to pick it up.

Getting to know what I'm like when I dissociate is something I actively have to work on. Looks different for different people, and even for the same person it looks different depending on the degree to which they've dissociated.

Moving forward, it will be key for your T to recognise "Okay, you've dissociated, time to stop and ground". But even more important is learning to recognise yourself when it's coming on, so you can take a moment to ground yourself and stop it in its tracks:)

 

[pixel]

Dissociation thrives on secrecy.
It's our way of becoming invisible - we disappear from our reality, from our own minds.

Sometimes, when we're lucky, no one can tell.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, it's very possible to dissociate with nobody noticing. I'd even say that it's quite common.