I'm wanting to know if its possible to prepare loved ones least it happen.
Guess it also goes back to the old time argument - those left behind after a suicide feel its selfish of the dead person to have taken they down life; buty isn't it just as selfish for those around th person to expect them to keep on living half dead, and suffering mentally, just so they can still have that person around? How would it be any different to when my father was dying of terminal cancer, if I had insisted he 'stay around' and not die? wasn't it better for him, to be free?
I'm not a sufferer, so I can't imagine how bleak life must seem. My grandfather committed suicide though, so I understand what it is like to have a loved one go through with it. I'm not judging anybody's feelings or choices, but rather offering my perspective as one left behind.
There would have been no way he could have convinced any of us that it was for the best. He was healthy physically, and still active. He was an alcoholic however, and although he had never been diagnosed with any kind of mental illness or emotional problems, I have no doubt he was going through some depression at the time he took his own life. Nothing was terminal though. Nothing was wrong that couldn't have benefitted from treatment. We loved him dearly and would have done anything we could have to help him. He may have felt alone, but he was not.
When your loved one commits suicide, you don't go through a normal grieving process. You still have all the sadness and grief you'd have with any other loss, but you are also angry. Just plain pissed off at the waste. Then you feel guilty that you couldn't help them or didn't stop it. That guilt never goes away. Logically we know that it was not any of our faults, but emotionally, it's a different story. There is also guilt because you are angry and think your loved one was selfish for doing what they did. They may have felt like they were dying, but they were not, so what good did it do to take their life on purpose? Nobody who is mentally stable is ever going to understand it. A lot of times when there is a natural death, it causes some tension in the family. Suicide causes that, but on steroids. My grandfather's suicide tore our family apart. There was a rift, and we had an aunt who decided that the rest of us didn't do enough to prevent it. She passed away without ever speaking to any of us, including her own mother, ever again. Her kids, my cousins, do not have contact with us either, because they grew up listening to their mother. If my grandfather knew the chain of events that his suicide caused, he would be rolling in his grave. He saw the suicide as an answer to HIS problems. He didn't consider the mess that would follow on its heels, or that he would destroy his family.
I have very happy memories of my grandfather. I was the oldest grandchild, and he doted on me. I cannot enjoy my happy memories though, because the thoughts of how he died always creep in.
I'm pretty doubtful that any loved one would ever be at peace with the idea of somebody committing suicide. Even in the case of extreme terminal illness, it may sound good in theory, but in practice it would be a whole different ball game.
Again, I'm not judging. I'm just offering a different perspective. I wish you peace and hope you are feeling better after you rest tonight.
