Undiagnosed Is It Ptsd?

[Etoile]

Hello all!

I really don't know where to start so I will do my best to describe what is happening to me.
I went to see my GP few days ago as had the worst case of anxiety over the last three weeks I have ever experienced in my life. Palpitations, anger burst, headaches, sudden tiredness, nervousness, pin and needle...
I am truly happy at the moment and believe me nothing stressful is happening in my life. So I was feeling very stupid and totally lost. THEN it did hit me: 3 of my close friends are going through depression/ separartion with their husband. And what it did to me??? Basically I think it took me back to my childhood.

My childhood- What I remember.
Very happy memory until, age 14, I come home to find my mum lying in bed, next to her a letter and empty box of medicine. I called the emergency phone line, she was saved. She went to
A mental hospital. She came back after few weeks. Life is good again, few months later : she does it again.
And that latest 4 years, until I left to go to Uni.

I have two little brothers and I always felt guilty leaving but for my own mental stability I know I had to go and never come back!

My parents are now separated. I see them few times a year, I live abroad!

My mum has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, manic depression and she had electro Therapie. Although she lost a lot of memory during electro Therapie, she has been stable for 10 years.

My childhood- what I have been told.
Age 1 or 2, I have been found by firemen on a sofa in the arm
Of my half dead mum. I have no real memory of that BUT as a child fr years I had a recurring nightmare where I was on a sofa and a red devil would grab me and take me away.


The situation now- recollection of that last event triggers: intense shiver, heart palpitation.

My gp says my heart rate is too elevated ( could be due to anxiety) and put me on beta bloquers. It has been two days, I feel calmer.

Do I live it there or do I dig in my past?

Does it sound like PTSD to you?

Do I need to find out what exActly my mum
Did to me as a child?

Any help welcome, I am totally lost, some people are telling me I should leave the past dehind but tome it feels like it is slapping me on the face all the time.

 

[Eleanor]

Hi Etoile, welcome to the forum!

No one on here can diagnose what you have. You need to find a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in anxiety and has some expertise in PTSD, and talk to them about what the problem might be. There are a lot of anxiety disorders that could lead to what you've described, and depending on what it is, different things will help or not.

I'm sure you would love to "leave the past behind," it sounds pretty unpleasant. The problem is that it is not in your control, yes?

I'm sorry your childhood was so uneven. Stuff comes back (mostly) when we are in position to heal it.

Wishing you peace and healing.

 

[TeddySue]

My daughter has nightmares similar to yours; her's is not a red devil but someone cornering her and she can't get free. It took me a lot of years to allow myself to say out loud exactly what happened to make me the child and now adult that I am. I had to acknowledge what had happened before I could start to heal. I went back to my first remembrance and then slowly went back further using a photo and glimpses of my past that would fleet through my mind before I stopped them from going further. Once I gave words to my memories, they kept on going back further until I found myself as a baby of 18 months. Once I recognized the crying I was doing daily as the cry of myself as an 18 month old child, I was able to speak forth the truth I had held all these years. And the truth was not something made up, but was memories I had pushed down every time they came to the surface. I saw a therapist and we talked for 5 years. I've talked enough for now, but it took all those years to get to the place where I could acknowledge what my mind knew but wouldn't let me speak forth. Maybe it would help if you did find someone to counsel you.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I second what Eleanor said and suggest you take her words to heart.

Take care.

 

[reallydown]

Welcome to the forum, Etoile. As the others have said, nobody here can diagnose you. It does sound like it could be ptsd but again, only a qualified professional can make that determination. Good luck.