Is It Transference?

[Sarah2732]

I posted this question midway through another thread but the thread died and I didn't get an answer so I thought I'd try again, because the question is still bugging me:

Say you have a history of abuse by a male and as a result you are simply more aware of the fact that men can and do sexually assault women. The news every single day reinforces that that is a fact.

If you were to see a male T and be very, very cautious about the fact that he could be a predator and you were frightened by any sudden movements he made, would you be experiencing transference or simply hypervigalent about a statistically legitimate risk?

 

[Wyakin]

Unless I am transferring my feelings on to everyone I would say it was hypervigilance. I am naturally cautious of everyone (worse with men) and even worse in one on one situations with new people. I do not think that is transference just me being hypervigilant.

 

[Justmehere]

It could be both. Even if a feeling is based out of transference and/or hypervigalence. - it doesn't mean it's not a real or a less valid feeling.

Part of why transference happens at all is because is our brain's way of attempting to keep us safe.

The important thing is to recognize something from the past is stirred up by present circumstances and to evaluate the present circumstance with that in mind.

 

[kmatel710]

I don't know if this is transference but I understand the feeling. I have trust issues and am extra sensitive/aware of certain things/people due to past experiences. I think it's important to trust your own instincts, "gut feeling". Although not everyone is a predator(male) or abusive there are some people out there that are just not good for us and we need to avoid them. A part of me believes, Feels, that all men are pigs. I "know" this is not true but when this part is especially active, I have to consciously reason through the feeling. Above and beyond this feeling though, I do trust my gut. If I'm wrong-no harm done. If I'm right, good for me.

I had one male T for a couple years and he was a good, regular guy and he helped with issues at work. But I did not feel safe to trust him with abuse issues. I believe this was because of my history and not because of him.

I went thru an intensive trauma therapy program in April. One of the T's was a male. He was ok.

 

[Seasounds]

I think both are true.

We project/transfer our hopes and fears on to others. Therapist expects us to do this. Therapy can be a place to work the negative stuff out-by talking about things, if the therapist is mature enough. You might explore this.

When we are not feeling safe, hyper-vigilance is a set of behaviors, that are survival skills.

Then, there is the case when your hype-vigilance may or may not express itself, with each individual. It can be a sign, in the moment you don't feel safe. I've done well when to listen to this sign. I like it when I find a therapist who doesn't trigger regularly my hyper-vigilence; in not transferring fear, I relax, and can approach deeper issues. I've been triggered by both genders, and found safety with both genders.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Hi @Sarah2732. From what you say in your post, I am inferring (I could very well be wrong, and if so, please correct me!) that this apprehension, hyper awareness, is something you experience around most/all men, not exclusively your therapist.

If that is true, I would be most inclined to attribute it to hyper vigilance.

Transference typically refers to the redirection of a specific emotion, often from early life experiences, onto (or toward) ones therapist. For example - one who had an unfulfilling child/parent relationship, upon finding the understanding, gentleness, care, from their therapist, may find themselves feeling a sort of attachment and/or affection toward their therapist that they "should" have felt - and so wanted - to feel with/toward their parent.

So that's my two cents, for what it's worth! :)

 

[Hashi]

I agree with @TimeToHeal. The way I've experienced transference is that it's particular to that person, and I believe they actually are a certain way rather than suspecting or feeling wary.

I think transference would be more like being certain that your therapist actually is a predator, interpreting what he says as grooming you, or feeling convinced that he's abusing someone in his life. (Or possibly, catching yourself believing things like this and having to reason with yourself that it isn't the case even though you have strong feelings that it is.)