Sexual Assault Is My Body Trying To Tell Me Something?

[Pauline]

Hey guys ok so I am 23 and have had P.T.S.D for a while now since I was a teenager... recently I have been wondering whether I was sexually hurt or witnessed something distressing in a certain sexual nature reason being is that my body gets very tense and scared mentioning sex or being intimate with anyone I am a self harmer and I have not been in any relationships I have had dissociative amnesia and suffer dissociation I act a lot like a child and I have huge trust issues

I was wanting to discuss this with my therapist when i next see him but I am scared to do so as I haven't ever really talked about sex with him maybe because he is a man but I don't want to change therapist as I have been with him for three years and trust him I am just scared to ask him maybe it is all in my head but for some reason I am obsessing over it in my mind and my body feels extremely awkward when I think if it happened to me or not

can someone please shed some light on the matter so I feel like I am not going completely crazy !!

Kind Regards

Many Thanks

 

[joeylittle]

Hi @Pauline, and welcome.

What was the traumatic event that led to you developing PTSD initially?

 

[GMW]

I would be concerned about anyone who instantly tells you "YES" because the fact is, we don't know and to tell you yes, make you believe something to be true when it might not be would be highly dangerous and not fair on you. .

I would be interested to know when these feelings towards sex started becoming an issue? Have you always had them or is it a recent thing?

I would definitely talk through this with your therapist. If you feel you cannot actually talk and get too embarrassed, write him a letter and hand it to him. That will help the doors open, he'll know what to ask to help you talk and I am sure you are not the first and will not be the last client he sees with this issue.

 

[Justmehere]

Feeling awkward and tense when talking about sex or being intimate with anyone is common for a number of people who have never been in a relationship. It can been awkward and stressful even without trauma,

Could the difficult be heightened due to sexual abuse? Yes. It is often more difficult for survivors of sexual abuse. Does it mean you have for sure been sexually abused? No, not for sure.

I agree with the suggestion to bring this up with your therapist. He's probably dealt with it before, and it's not such a big deal with therapists to talk about intimacy and sex. If it's too hard to say directly to him, writing it down or at least talking around it might be a way to begin to broach the subject. You can even tell him there's a difficult subject you are uneasy to bring up with him, and that you feel tense and awkward about dealing with in general, and ask him for his help in figuring out how to share it with him. That alone might help make it a little easier to broach the subject with others too.

The good thing about recovering from PTSD is that while it can be helpful to remember all the trauma, it's not necessary. The body and brain can heal even when the mind doesn't remember all of it.

 

[GMW]

You can even tell him there's a difficult subject you are uneasy to bring up with him, and that you feel tense and awkward about dealing with in general, and ask him for his help in figuring out how to share it with him.

I like that idea, might steal it for myself! I often struggle with talking to my T, she can expect letters galore from me! This might help me get used to talking more than writing. Thank you. x