Is My T Working??

[Smile]

I've been seeing her for about a year now and I just don't know if it's working.

Yes, every time I have a session a feel relief of some kind... Even if it's a tough session. But... I think I'm worse than when I started with her.

To be fair, we were making some progress before I had to move back to my mom's house. But still! I want to be better! I'll even take getting a BIT better.

It also doesn't help that now I can only see her every 2 weeks instead of at least once a week.

Just wondering if you guys can give any insight into how to know if it's just about me wanting to give up on the hard work or if it's her methods that aren't working. How do you know??

Also, is there an expiration date on how long to see a T for? The longest I've ever seen one T for has been 3 years...

 

[Lucycat]

I have been seeing T for almost 6 years now. I judge the fact that it is working on the longer gaps between sessions and that I am able to 'work out' and analyse crises by myself - although sometimes I sill want to run them by him, just to check I have said, done, thought the right thing.

There is no one way that suits everybody.If you feel relief at each session that is interesting. What are you doing between sessions to work on and keep the 'relief'?

 

[shimmerz]

To be fair, we were making some progress before I had to move back to my mom's house.

If your mother was an abuser and you are living in her house..... well, things generally don't work out really well in cases like this. Are you and your T discussing 'mother' issues? Perhaps that needs to be the new slant to your therapy given your new situation.

 

[Friday]

Someone told me once (ahem, many people have told me many times :wtf: ) that until I'm stable? I ain't gonna be making progress dealing with trauma-stuff.

f*ck you! Will too, dammit.

LOL. They're right. I know it. Both intellectually & experientially. I'm just stubborn.

There are just times in life where there is crazy stress & or new trauma, & just have to be gotten through. Life doesn't hit pause just cause I'm sick and damn tired of being f*cked up.

What I have found, though, is that (as long as I'm careful not to take the stress cup and shake it like a bottle of champagne... Note: Bad Idea) continuing to work on shit even through hard times means I can tread water / stay roughly where I am during those times of rampant instability... Instead of doing a wild slide downward. I still usually lose ground, just not as much ground as I do if I say f*ck it. It's just working on different shit. Grounding. Not running around bridges with matches. Emotional monitoring and regulation. Bleeding stress. Sleeping/eating/self-care.

 

[scout86]

The longest I've ever seen one T for has been 3 years...

That's interesting. I've been seeing mine for going on 3 years (I think. Sometimes i lose track!) Since about the second session when he basically said, "Oh yeah, you're right, PTSD is what you've got". (and then he came up with a few MORE things I "have"), he's never mentioned PTSD again until the past few sessions. We still haven't, directly, talked about the gritty details of what I'd consider to be the classic "trauma". (I gather he thinks my whole childhood was somewhat more traumatic that I do.) So, with only 3 years? We wouldn't have gotten very far. Maybe that's somewhat him and also somewhat me. But, I don't take being pressured real well. He's smart enough to get that. There have been a lot of days when all we've talked about is dogs, or his race car, or politics...... I kind of thought we were wasting each other's time. Looking back from here? I believe they call that "developing trust". Because, low and behold, turns out I actually do trust him. Almost? A lot of the time? Most of the time? LOL

"Relief" is a good thing. You didn't get where you are over night, you won't get out of there over night either.

 

[barefoot]

If you feel relief after seeing her, that suggests to me that you're getting something positive out of seeing her...?

In terms of feeling worse...my therapist has told me several times that we often feel worse before we feel better because of the nature of the work. Things are getting prodded and stirred up - even if you may not be specifically working on the trauma(s). I suppose that, once you open Pandora's box and stuff comes flying out, you can't just pop the lid back on and expect everything to just be fine and dandy again.

There are things about me that are "worse" than when I first started seeing her, which is about 18 months ago. The biggest one is probably my response to physical touch - I've gone into crazy physical boundary overdrive and it's actually making me feel pretty stressed and miserable at the moment. On the one hand, that can be disheartening - these symptoms are worse now so the impact on me/my life is significant compared to over a year ago when it wasn't really an issue. On the other, I do recognise that these kinds of responses/behaviours/symptoms represent some level of therapeutic progress...I think it means something is shifting, that more things are becoming conscious, that I'm starting to access more information that's held in my feelings and body (as opposed to just thinking intellectually about what's in my head). It's a really difficult time. But I do feel that I'm getting somewhere....very slowly...

And I agree with @scout86 - there have been plenty of sessions where I've thought we've just been chit-chatting and wasting time. But that relationship/trust building stuff has been crucial. Without it, I don't think I'd have got anywhere.

If you feel like you need more support/contact at the moment, is there any way you can go back to weekly sessions? Or agree together more things you can do on your own between sessions?

 

[Smile]

@Lucycat , good question. I suppose I haven't been a model patient in that I've really been struggling on working on the homework she gives me to do in between sessions. I know how important it is & im trying really hard... But sometimes that's just not good enough :(

@shimmerz , my mother was not an abuser... I don't think so. She is emotionally controlling but I think that could be more my problem than hers. Meaning, I take things more to heart that she may not have even meant.

@FridayJones , haha! I feel the exact same way :) a difference between u and I is that u sound like u have a lot more courage than I do... And more of an ability to view your life objectively?

@scout86 , I like what you wrote. It resounds with me. A previous T of mine would do the same thing. We'd talk about nothing sometimes. I did like the reprieve but also felt like I was wasting valuable time & money. With my current T... Well she's the first trauma T I've had & she's all about staying in the present & always reminding me whether what I'm discussing (I usually ramble off about a family relatives issues) is really what I want to spend my time talking about. And I like that but... I don't know maybe sometimes it just feels too much. Like the pressure of constantly having to find something "meaningful" to talk about is hard! I blank in my true feelings a lot when in session (which is why I have notes about what I want to discuss beforehand). I'm really happy for you that you've gotten so far :)

@barefoot , I hear you & agree with you about new issues that may come up due to what is being unearthed. And I do. Have that. But I'm specifically referring to the same issues I came to her with... They haven't really improved. Or I'm just forgetting and I really was doing better before moving back to this hellhole.