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Sexual Assault Is no enough?
- Post starter WishfulThinking123
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You're right however I think the context of the relationship also comes into play. If it's a relationship than yes you're right. But in a lot (if not most cases) of rape the person is someone the victim hardly knows or doesn't know at all. In that case no means no. Period.
No isn't enough for predators that violate boundaries, because they feel that they are above the law. I said no over and over and over again and pushed his hands away, but he didn't stop. I eventually gave up trying to fight the dirty old man, no one was around to hear me anyway. I was powerless to stop him. Some people done respect NO.
BTW "does that make sense" is EXACTLY what this predator constantly asked me.
BTW "does that make sense" is EXACTLY what this predator constantly asked me.
Friday
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@Slkobe ... You might be surprised to find that stranger-rapes only make up about 28%, according to RAINN Perpetrators of Sexual Violence: Statistics | RAINN The vast majority of rapes & sexual assault are committed by someone you know, and a full 25% by a current or former spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.
Peronally, I think no means no regardless of the situation or relationship.
Or, more accurately, one of my fav quotes to date reads: "Aren't we setting the bar a little low with consent? Shouldn't we be aiming for enthusiasm?!?"
Peronally, I think no means no regardless of the situation or relationship.
Or, more accurately, one of my fav quotes to date reads: "Aren't we setting the bar a little low with consent? Shouldn't we be aiming for enthusiasm?!?"
- Post starter
- #17
WishfulThinking123
Gold Member
Thanks! I guess I am still learning... :p
R
Riddlesathome
This is something which i really struggle with in the context of what happened to me.
I don't understand how No could to be enough of a No. Like I said No , I pushed him off , I removed his hands and he carried on , during the moments it happened its like your brain goes blank and very little ends up registering , after saying o and pushing him off and physically doing things to block your body and him just using force to get you in position not even that seemed like enough of a No.
Like we are taught all the time that no means no , but we dont ever seem to be taught what happens when your no is not enough what do you do then ? It happened in my house , I could have asked him to leave but he would have refused (As things happened more than once , i asked him to leave at one point and things did not go well) but what do you do when that happens. Eventually after so long your brain goes blank and its like you leave your body and lose control over yourself as that seems safer than continuing to try and make it stop.
No should be enough , a good decent person would see that No as enough , and i think that is a huge part with sexual assault or rape, it is generally all about power and control and that no means nothing as they want control and power over you.
I don't understand how No could to be enough of a No. Like I said No , I pushed him off , I removed his hands and he carried on , during the moments it happened its like your brain goes blank and very little ends up registering , after saying o and pushing him off and physically doing things to block your body and him just using force to get you in position not even that seemed like enough of a No.
Like we are taught all the time that no means no , but we dont ever seem to be taught what happens when your no is not enough what do you do then ? It happened in my house , I could have asked him to leave but he would have refused (As things happened more than once , i asked him to leave at one point and things did not go well) but what do you do when that happens. Eventually after so long your brain goes blank and its like you leave your body and lose control over yourself as that seems safer than continuing to try and make it stop.
No should be enough , a good decent person would see that No as enough , and i think that is a huge part with sexual assault or rape, it is generally all about power and control and that no means nothing as they want control and power over you.
- Post starter
- #19
WishfulThinking123
Gold Member
@Riddlesathome I'm sorry that happened to you but, you should be really proud of yourself! It seems you did everything you could to fight back and stand up for yourself!
scout86
VIP Member
'No' SHOULD be enough. Obviously sometimes it isn't. :( When a clear "No!" doesn't work, things have moved to the level of "Clearly Rape" as far as I'm concerned. What do you do then? What ever you can to stay alive. Or, whatever you can to fight back, depending on how you feel about things.
The point is, "No" means something, or it should. I think, within a relationship, you owe it to your partner to both be clear and to accept their "no" gracefully. But, when that doesn't work, it says WAY more about the perpetrator than it does the victim. If your partner keeps pressuring you, that's a pretty good reason to question the value of the 'partnership'.
The point is, "No" means something, or it should. I think, within a relationship, you owe it to your partner to both be clear and to accept their "no" gracefully. But, when that doesn't work, it says WAY more about the perpetrator than it does the victim. If your partner keeps pressuring you, that's a pretty good reason to question the value of the 'partnership'.
As a male this is where I ran into these situations. First time sex is just awkward but when things move that direction it is exhilerating. At 47 things were not really discussed when I was in my teens and early 20's. That seemed to be the quickest way to kill the potential of anything happening. From what I've read rapists are very methodical. They live in the grey areas and step over the edge of what is right which is why it is so hard to prosecute. When I would mess around with someone for the first time I would test boundaries. It's not hard to figure out what is ok and what isn't. No was not even required. I had a great time with what was allowed and appreciated it. There were several times (not to be too graphic) where all that was needed was forward momentum and I got a no or do you have a condom. Disappointing? A little but I always saw sex as a gift. I do not get pushing the issue past the comfort zone. I never got discussing what I did with anyone either. I've read where colleges are going today and it's damn near signing a consent form. I've traveled a good bit and I think Americans in general have a much less healthy/normal view of sex than Europeans. I really don't know what to tell you but not only should no be enough but your reactions should be as well. I wish you well.
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Water Lilly
OMG I feel like we are the same person! Honestly! This is the problem that I am having - I will say no repeatedly, push them away, turn my head and they still keep forcing the issue. I have also been accused of playing hard to get - but I try to be open about what I am willing to do from the get go. I think a lot of men believe that because hooking up in the moment feels good to me and my body is responding - they equate that to me wanting sex.
The last guy I was with taught me the biggest lesson. H e actually said "You never say yes so when you say no, it means nothing to me". I've had non-consensual sex with him more than once. I do realize that I am to blame, I should have ran for the hills the first time but I guess I saw myself as being just as much to blame as him...and I was stupidly trusting him not to do the same thing again. The last time tho'...it was bad and I had to get really angry. I guess they only respond to anger and tears...never of which has come very easily in the past. I DO need to be stricter and scream if I have to because some of these men don't care...I've realized that no is just not enough
- Post starter
- #23
WishfulThinking123
Gold Member
@water Lilly I can relate with every word! I have a hard time becoming upset/very bold/strict with my words.. mostly probably because my boundaries as a whole were not very respected growing up and was in a abusive marriage that included sexual abuse.. It's just so hard for someone like me that is rather "quiet" and its hard for me to just say no...saying anything is a big step and then when that isn't respected...its like idk what to do
W
Water Lilly
I get you completely. It's a real problem though and we need to work on it.
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