I need to add a bit from me. Because of my conviction I am forced by the court to get counseling. In my case *I* am paying for it, *I* have to drive 35 miles one way for it, and *I* have to pay for the fuel for the trip. They are doing exactly what is NOT supposed to be done. I need it, and I want it. Only reason why I'm cooperating. But even then, I have had to fire counselors because they tell me I had no right to use force to defend myself. Or like the second to last one, that I'm not trying to get rehab'd because I won't try EMDR, then she tells me how jail is good for me because of the networking and how I don't have to do my own laundry or cook for myself. I have a few comments about her that are best left unsaid. My question is what the hell do they expect? I have nothing to lose by not getting counseling under these conditions. I'll be sent off to prison, and there I get NOTHING. So what's the loss? As much as I know I need it, forcing me builds an internal resistance to the counseling. Doesn't matter how much I know I need help, my inner "defense" will object. I have already seen it when I get smart-assy with the counselor.
With that said, the PTSD continues to get worse. In my appeal my lawyer verbally pointed out that I was convicted for being a victim, not a criminal. The jury used that against me and decided I am a man of poor character because I was raped, assaulted, a man tried to murder me, another assaulted me with a deadly weapon, infinitum ad nauseum. So when I see that someone I never disclosed my personal feelings to points this out nearly to a "T" of how I felt, it hits me to the core. I am still stunned, though it's wearing off. The irony is there.
So, who are they trying to help? Punish me for the crimes that have been committed against me and then force me into counseling? WTF?
ETA: any referral to books reports or publications that verify the damage I am talking about is greatly appreciated.