Is She Sick Of Me?

[Tardis1]

I know that there are many effective treatment models for PTSD, but my therapist and I just talk a lot about my symptoms and traumas. I find it really helpful because I've never disclosed much of it and being honest is so liberating.
However, I recognize that listening to my story would be hard for some people and sometimes I sense she's uncomfortable... So supportive, but also uncomfortable. I really feel like getting it off my chest is worthwhile...but am I dwelling on it too much? And when will I stop shaking every time I talk about it? I know I should talk to her about all this, but I don't really want to...

 

[HappyJock]

It's great that you're talking to your therapist about what you went through. No, she is not sick of you; especially if she's a good therapist! Any therapist would be uncomfortable hearing about the trauma someone else went through. It's hard for therapists because sometimes they too, are people, and want to hug you and tell you that "it's okay", but they aren't allowed to. They aren't there for that. But still, we're all people here and I think it's natural for a therapist to feel uncomfortable when listening to something traumatic someone they are trying to help went through, that's all. However, if she's stopping you in any way just because she's uncomfortable, that's when you know something's not right. Print this out and show it to her; I'm sure she'll be happy you brought it up! You're fine. I think you're just over-thinking it. I tend to do that too!

 

[Justmehere]

When my friend told me she was raped, was I comfortable? No.

Was I glad she was talking about it? Yes. Was I glad to be there as a listening ear? Yes.

Was I sick of my friend? Not at all.

It's a friendship, very different from therapy, but I think the same general idea applies to therapy too.

I hope you do talk to her about how you feel about sharing and the possible affect on her, and ask her if she is sick of you or not. Sharing about trauma can be liberating, and so can sharing about the fears and feelings and thoughts that come up in the process of sharing. It's an important part of the work.

 

[EveHarrington]

I hope that at some point your therapist takes you from just talking about the trauma into processing your trauma. You may not stop shaking until the trauma has been processed.

 

[Chava]

Doubt it. I've worried about my therapist's feelings and projected onto her that she probably thinks I'm disgusting. What do you do besides talk about the trauma? How does she respond to your shaking? Do you work on grounding things or skills to help you feel more stable and calm again? I understand it feels relieving to be able to share, but just telling your trauma isn't what it's all about.

I'd suggest you ask her about some of these things if you are very curious or feel like you can't get these fears off your mind. You could tell her you don't feel like talking about certain things, or that you are also afraid it is too much (she will likely have a supportive response). I've told my therapist I was worried she hated me. I knew it wasn't rational, but it's always helpful to share where I'm at. But you could just continue as you are, knowing it's not too much for her and she's not sick of you. I'm just a little curious what kind of things you do or work on besides talking about the trauma.

 

[Panda Bear]

She is human, and has feelings too. I'm not sure uncomfortable is the right way to view it.

What you're saying might be hard to hear and it might elicit an emotional reaction in her. One that she can't share or show you, because it's partly a boundary line and you might not be in a place to be able to tolerate that side of her.

I doubt she is sick of you....sad and empathetic? Yes. Hard to hear your pain? Maybe....

Ive told my T a lot of things, and about a year ago he started to tear up after I shared some pretty hefty information....when I asked him what he was doing, he shared(I thought he was annoyed with me) He also shared that it wasn't the first time he'd felt that way, but I wasn't able to tolerate that side of him and not freak. He, up to that point needed to remain as calm as possible. And he's right, I needed him to be super human in my mind.

Today...again, he expressed that reading my last email caused him to well up with tears. Last week, I had been crying and had tears on my cheeks. He abviously couldn't wipe them for me, so he expressed concern and care by telling me they were still on my cheeks.

Anyways, what I'm saying is that we're so used to others being upset by our feelings that we automatically assume the worst. That they are annoyed by our expression of feelings.

 

[barefoot]

I wonder if "uncomfortable" is the word for it...I think that word implies something quite negative about her reaction and perhaps also your feeling that maybe you have caused her to feel that discomfort?

Therapy certainly isn't a comfortable experience - and I think that's sometimes true for both people in the room. It's difficult work and there's, for want of a better word, challenging content being shared.

Therapists are human. They sometimes have emotional responses to the things we share with them. It's their job to self-manage that so that their emotions don't get in the way or have a negative impact on us. But that doesn't mean that they don't ever have emotional reactions in response to us and sometimes those feelings are expressed in some way.

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking and my therapist started tearing up. I stopped talking and asked if she was upset. It wasn't annoyed/upset/freaked out by her doing that, but I was curious about what was happening for her. She said she wasn't really upset...that she was ok...but that she was moved by what I was saying. And then we both just sat with that for a bit and then we just carried on again.

As others have said, I think it will be useful for you to bring this up with her. If it happens again, just name it - "It looks like you feel uncomfortable...do you?" Something like that. A good therapist will readily answer something like that, so she'll either say yes and explain or she'll say no or she'll say it's not that but it's X instead. Either way, it will probably provoke an interesting/useful conversation between you both.

 

[barefoot]

I just thought - I guess a possibility of how/why she might actually be uncomfortable is if she feels out of her depth. Is she a trauma specialist? If she's not, she may be listening to you talk about your traumas and she may be supportive of you because of what you've been through, but she may not actually know what to "do".

Or I guess she could be uncomfortable because she may have her own stuff that is similar to your stuff and you may be triggering her to some degree. But that would be very poor self-management on her part. And if she was struggling with that, I don't know that she would be able to be as supportive of you as she seems to appear.

Sorry...I think I'm rambling...I'm very tired!