he thanked her for sharing her sandwich with him; he asked what she was doing; he said he's an old soul; she said it's kind of bad at her age, and he said something like "nah we're perfect."; he said he wished she lived closer so they could grab drinks. Then that was pretty much it.
for me calling that flirting, sexting, or cheating would be a really big stretch. Seems like he's just having a convo with a classmate.
the fact that he ran almost immediately to another woman leads me to believe that he already had her "on deck".
It's concerning that, following an argument, you've jumped to such large suspicions, because he had a conversation with a female you don't personally know. This seems somewhat controlling or passive-aggressive, like you need to vet his friends and 'approve' of them before he can establish a friendship. Or like he can only be friends with people if you're included in that friendship. While that's likely not your intent, and is more likely ptsd paranoia, that's still a big accusation (especially if he doesn't have a history of cheating).
he said if he were to go through my phone, he's sure he could find something that could easily be misconstrued as well. Hmmm not sure what to make of that
He's feeling defensive and hurt, and is throwing your accusation back at you.
Anything can be taken out of context and used as a weapon if we look hard enough.
I told my sufferer I was "so done" after a big fight
Although irrelevant now, what I meant by "so done" was just done with the conversation and with him in that moment after feeling pushed to the edge.
What you meant by 'done' is not irrelevant, as it's clearly causing issues in your relationship. He
may not have interpreted that word in the way you meant it, and he can't read your mind to figure out what you meant. This
may have led to him to behave in a way that is a boundary breaker for you.
It sounds like there is an issue with communication and boundaries, and clarity is definitely needed on the status or non-status of the relationship. If you and he both want to salvage the relationship, couples therapy would probably be very helpful.
I wish you all the best, while you work through this. :hug:
