Is Therapy Doing Me More Harm Than Good?

[Hush92]

My first post on here, wow.

Anyways I am really, really struggling with therapy right now. It's stupid because we have barely breached some of the worst stuff and I'm a flipping mess suddenly, all of the time. I feel like I've gone into some sort of full-blown regression and I've moved years back in the progress I was making on my own. (Though was that really progress? Trying to forcefully repress everything all day every day?) Anyways I didn't get out of bed today until probably 2 pm because I was obsessing over everything that has happened to me. Then I had maybe a few hours of productive time which was only productive because I forced myself to spend time around other people. As soon as I went back to my apartment I'm obsessing again. I've accomplished nothing and have been stuck in bed now for 6 hours.

This forum is just another way for me to obsess. Ugh. How to manage regression?? I've been having flashbacks this year worse than I have ever had. I'm almost constantly in some manner of dissociated state. I can't stop thinking. Is therapy really helping me? It doesn't feel like it right now.

 

[Deleted member 30956]

This is the process that happens when you start to heal. It's like opening a dam holding back all of those memories and trapped emotions. You are on the right track. You are very brave! Be gentle with yourself.
Maybe others will have better advice, but I think you should pat yourself on the back. Most people in this world don't have the fortitude to even get to this point; to even begin to heal.
This will pass and in some time you won't be in this "mode". But do remind yourself that the healing process is like peeling an onion, and there is a "5 stages of grief" pattern that takes place, and then repeats, but not as intensely as before, depending on where you are in healing.

By the way, Welcome Hush92! :)

 

[Hush92]

Thank you! :) Though I can't really say I'm glad to be here....anyhow when I admitted to my therapist about feeling this way she told me I would continue to have setbacks but each time would be less intense and I'd recover more quickly, sort of like what you said.

Right now it's just bad though. I wish I would've been able to start delving into this over break where I didn't have to try to keep up with school work at the same time. I don't think I've paid attention in classes really at all this past week. Gone down this road before and it's not good ;_;

 

[Flossy]

Write your thoughts down @Hush92. Be the Manager of your therapy. If you need a break, take a break. Don't let someone else tell you what you need. Trust yourself, you know what you need.

I just had 12 sessions with one of the top Trauma therapists in Brisbane and learned two effective strategies for dealing with people and challenges.

That's it. Two useful helpful items out of 12 hours of sessions. Over $1800 worth of therapy.

I asked for a list of my triggers as perceived by her and was given an outline of her years of experience instead. She thought I was telling her how to run my sessions after intitially telling me they were my sessions to be run how I needed them to be run.

You are not on a power trip, believe yourself if you feel you are being pushed or not cared for with kindness in a traumatic session.

Believe yourself if you feel you are making progress moving forward through learning and support and taking care of what you need. Most of all, keep the Stressors out of your life.

Block everyone who stresses you. Everyone. If you cant block them, control them and have contact only when and where you can control the situation and make them behave.

Be kind to You.

 

[Hush92]

I think my therapist is very sensitive and has always respected when I told her my limits were being pushed. Still I am beginning to question if bringing everything up is really going to be helpful to me.

Awful that you spent all that money for minimal help.

 

[Flossy]

To be honest, I have found studying this forum, writing out the trauma, studying library books and 12 months of Life Coaching did more for my wellbeing than seeing a therapist. I have seen six different ones and found it frustrating, expensive and it did not help me move forward or teach me how to deal with stressful people and situations.

 

[Nevermore]

Hi hush92
I might as well put my 2 bob in!
I have felt the way you describe also - and I am also one who spent a couple of decades pressing everything down as hard as I could. I also followed a well worn trail of abusivd relationships, addictions etc etc
It takes a while to get used to allowing yourself to feel your own feelings without judgment and without the old habit of squashing everything down and numbing out as best you can.
I am just learning to accept myself and my feelings also. I have a feeling that, more than anything else, is the key to my own healing.
But it's hard to do when you've lived a life of trying not to feel or running from the feelings when they come.
Keep going! It's hard to change old patterns but very very worth it.
I'm just starting to be able to see how life could be if I just let myself be me - heaven compared with how I have lived in the past!

 

[Hush92]

What did the life coaching entail?

I was doing well and recovering last week and then my next therapy session hit and I crashed again. It's distressing.

 

[Justmehere]

As others have said, it's common to feel worse when opening things up in therapy It's part of why we avoid doing it for so long.

When it begins to affect functioning, it's important to make sure someone has enough skills to cope with the increased symptoms.

Has your therapist talked with you about things like grounding and mindfulness or other ways to cope with symptoms so that the spikes of symptoms are easier to endure?

 

[Flossy]

What did the life coaching entail?

I was doing well and recovering last week and then my next therapy se...

@Hush92
I did it all online. Five years ago. I live in Queensland and I was told by a friend about a life coach in Perth. I love to write so I asked if we could do it through email.

It started off by me doing a course that went for 6 weeks. That brought me back to who I was, reminded me who I am deep down inside where the pure me is. Sounds oogly boogly but it was amazing and I loved every minute of it.

After that I decided to work with the life coach by email for 18 months.

I dont want to use the forum for advertising purposes as I am sure that is not allowed, but I think it would be OK if you wanted her details and website for you to PM me and I give it to you that way.

This was the first time in my life that I spent money on myself "selfishly" and it was hard to break that mould, but worth every cent and still cheaper than therapy. She gave 200% more than what I paid for. In the first few months, I would email twice a day sometimes and she answered every email in detail. It was enjoyable, gentle, guided by her and eye opening. It changed my life.

I considered it to be teaching a lot and healing without trauma. I found therapy to traumatise a lot and teach a little. Just my experience.

We keep in touch all the time now and consider each other to be our longed-for sister. Let me know if you would like her details.

 

[Hush92]

I'm in the US but you said it was online, right? I wouldn't mind looking her up. Doubt my insurance would cover it though and I'm broke :/