Is there anyone else who feels like in every accomplishment, ptsd shows up and steals a piece?

[arfie]

I'm at the 'why do I bother?!' point in my life. I'm struggling not to sink back into it for another major depressive episode.

empathy on the "why do i bother?" score. apathy is one of my meaner psycho demons. there are all too many days when my give-a-damn is busted. at the beginning of my own recovery from child sex trafficking, i bothered with awful lots of worries that weren't worth a bother. capitalistic narcissistic racist rapists i will never meet are pretty high on that list. my hyper-active metabolism keeps depression from being much of a problem for me, but my over-developed flight instinct can carry me to other continents quicker than a depression can create atrophied muscles.

fast forward half a century and i have experienced much healing but those "why do i bother?" phases keep on coming. these days i look closer to home for things i can quit bothering with. stuff i have actual access to. i don't have much access to the capitalistic narcissistic racist rapists at the helms of our world governments.

 

[it's on point 👉 👈]

empathy on the "why do i bother?" score. apathy is one of my meaner psycho demons. there are all too many days when my give-a-damn is busted. at the beginning of my own recovery from child sex trafficking, i bothered with awful lots of worries that weren't worth a bother. capitalistic narcissistic racist rapists i will never meet are pretty high on that list. my hyper-active metabolism keeps depression from being much of a problem for me, but my over-developed flight instinct can carry me to other continents quicker than a depression can create atrophied muscles.

fast forward half a century and i have experienced much healing but those "why do i bother?" phases keep on coming. these days i look closer to home for things i can quit bothering with. stuff i have actual access to. i don't have much access to the capitalistic narcissistic racist rapists at the helms of our world governments.

Your truthful analogue gives me courage, and faith. It's difficult isn't it, navigating through all of this. My friend, your message comes at a time of empowering moments, I would hope to provide something of a positive nature in my response to you. Having just complex 157 pages of defence bundle, and public sector equality duty failings, I feel confident ahead of an upcoming hearing. Whilst I didn't expect for things to take as long to reach a resolve, and I didn't know how I'd manage to be around to hear the news flash update, I have somehow just barked day and night to have my side of the narrative heard. Turns out, although tougher reprimand was set about, punishable options are limited, nonetheless I am being treated punitively and I hope that the truth shall prevail. You say worries, I say woahs!
Keeping you in my thoughts... and thanks for your kind words!

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

I’m sitting here at work and feel so alone. Granted they’re not the most talkative people but I feel I have to stay quiet because I can’t seem to strike up any conversation. Being autistic doesn’t help but my social skills were ruined by bullying as a kid.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I’m sitting here at work and feel so alone. Granted they’re not the most talkative people but I feel I have to stay quiet because I can’t seem to strike up any conversation. Being autistic doesn’t help but my social skills were ruined by bullying as a kid.

Is there anything particular you want to talk to a co-worker about or general convo to feel less alone?

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

Is there anything particular you want to talk to a co-worker about or general convo to feel less alone?

I have short sharp blasts of convo which helps but most of the time it’s not easy. I’m a volunteer so I’m not in all the time.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I have short sharp blasts of convo which helps but most of the time it’s not easy. I’m a volunteer so I’m not in all the time.

If there's something on your mind, repeat the sentence a couple of times in your mind, go up to them and say it.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

If there's something on your mind, repeat the sentence a couple of times in your mind, go up to them and say it.

I do rehearse and sometimes it flows but other times it’s like I think the person I’m talking to is thinking “this man is a fool”

 

[parrotthepolly]

I do rehearse and sometimes it flows but other times it’s like I think the person I’m talking to is thinking “this man is a fool”

I get think that too sometimes but usually most people are too caught up in their business to analyse the way other people speak. Also if you dissociate at all then it can seem like the sentence don't make sense shouldn't exist in a way but I'm pretty sure most of what you're thinking are in no way ideas that haven't been thought of before, there aren't as many perspectives as people think.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

I get think that too sometimes but usually most people are too caught up in their business to analyse the way other people speak. Also if you dissociate at all then it can seem like the sentence don't make sense shouldn't exist in a way but I'm pretty sure most of what you're thinking are in no way ideas that haven't been thought of before, there aren't as many perspectives as people think.

I’m not making excuses but I do get paranoid with people. There are so many who are effortlessly charming and have so many friends yet all I get are sub human scumbags.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I’m not making excuses but I do get paranoid with people. There are so many who are effortlessly charming and have so many friends yet all I get are sub human scumbags.

Who said you are making excuses?? Are the people actually bad people who done bad things or you view them that way. Serial killers are generally charming so it might be one of them.

 

[Metropolitan Nomad]

Who said you are making excuses?? Are the people actually bad people who done bad things or you view them that way. Serial killers are generally charming so it might be one of them.

I've had so many people in the past saying I'm making excuses for not doing things or not doing them right. My hometown is a bad place filled with bad people and bad memories and its left me with the impression that 99.9% people are against me. (I thought my family was on my side)

I've never knowingly met any serial killers but If I ever meet anyone who has a selection of knives I'll make my excuses and leave

 

[parrotthepolly]

I've had so many people in the past saying I'm making excuses for not doing things or not doing them right. My hometown is a bad place filled with bad people and bad memories and its left me with the impression that 99.9% people are against me. (I thought my family was on my side)

I've never knowingly met any serial killers but If I ever meet anyone who has a selection of knives I'll make my excuses and leave

Ah I see, so it's the environment... I mean serial killers use charm to lure victims and I'm guessing if they're smart they won't make their weapons so obviously clear.

Was the majority of people blaming you and are there people like that in your workplace too? Maybe it's better to spot whoever's clearly against you and actually don't interact.