is this a normal part of c-ptsd? or is something more serious going on with me?

[hope4us]

I feel like i am permanently damaged and changed forever, like ill never go back to being who i use to be. I feel like i can definetely get feeling better by going through therapy, and that it helps me out, but i still feel like ill always be damaged and have issues. i dont feel like the same person anymore. everything is so stressful and i cant handle anything. the other day i took a xanax, not to get high, but just to ease my anxiety, i used it as medication. and i felt so calm and peaceful, it made me feel how normal is suppose to feel. but for me it was so weird to feel normal, because i never feel normal anymore. in a way i kinda felt like my old self again. and i miss feeling like that. i wish i could have one day in which i would be back to my old self. when my mind was somewhat straight. i wasnt anxious and keyed up 247, i was calm most of the time. i could get things done and funtion normally, and had my sh*t together, now i feel like i sit around and waste my life away because im constantly distracted by everything and it takes me forever to get anything done. i never use to procrastinate everything. i could remember things, i can never remember anything anymore. my lack of memory scares me now, i feel like i have dementia and im still in my 20's. i feel like he took a part of my soul from me and killed it, its like a part of who i am is dead now. does anyone else feel like this? is this just part of ptsd or does it sound like theres also something else is going on with me?

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Yes to everything except feeling like my old self because I’ve probably had ptsd my whole adult life.

damaged and changed forever, like ill never go back to being who i use to be.

This is very common. Text book. You may very well be changed forever but that doesn’t mean you can’t lead a fulfilling life.

Some days/weeks/months are harder than others. With the right grounding techniques and coping strategies along with therapy things will get easier.

I’ve never had a Xanax but I got diazepam (Valium) from the doctor. People do use it recreationally but it honestly just makes me feel normal. It’s like a little holiday from my brain. *chef kiss* it’s also incredibly addictive and doesn’t work the mire you use it. f*ckin bullshit.

What you said about memory as well it’s brutal I feel that in my soul. It’s so frustrating and exhausting. I do really feel like I’ve got dementia some days.

 

[Ronin]

Everything you say is also just abused people normal, even with no MI involved whatsoever, not just PTSD...

Give it time.
They are beliefs and core beliefs and feelings around them / sparked by them, but not even reality, just something that *feels* very strong, for very long.

 

[Rani G2]

Yes to everything except feeling like my old self because I’ve probably had ptsd my whole adult life.

Hi @hope4us

Can relate to what NoWhereKnowWhere says...
There is no old/new self for me-Born straight into violence, with a Bio father beating up my mother while she was pregnant with me. I don’t know how much this has affected the neural structure in the brain, Waking up to my mothers screams, and witnessing a father who is running around with weapons. after 10 years of therapy, psychiatric Ward, Yoga/Body therapy I would say I feel a bit like Benjamin Button.

/You Never know what’s coming for you/

 

[Teamwork]

I can relate. I too can relate to the feedback you are getting from others. Like any drug that brings peaceful calm it is temporary as you know. It took me a lot of practice to build a tool kit of calming strategies for a variety of situations. Learning to breathe correctly and finding an app that helped was the beginning for me. I learned a few things so that when I saw an advertisement for a device that vibrates when you are getting anxious and prompts you to take a break. I’ve been wearing it faithfully for about 2 years now. It’s called the spire stone and it works with Bluetooth on my ipad. As to memory it was affecting me everywhere so I used strategies that aided me to keep my life together knowing memory was an issue. I use notes on my iPad to write things down. I use my google calendar to email me appointments and plugged a schedule into it so that I get an email. As to procrastinating I started doing challenges. The challenges were not really about getting things done, but asking myself how long does it take to do this? Or can I do five minutes of this or that. That worked well because I learned that some things I avoided really took two to five minutes and then when done there was a feel of satisfaction. I hope some of these prompt some ideas for you to try so that you can see what works for you as you navigate your way through this.

 

[Friday]

is this just part of ptsd

Yep.

And, like every other part of PTSD, can be treated, and you can expect it to change over time, even if it flares up from time to time. It’s not permenant, even though -or maybe especially- because it feels that way.

I feel like i am permanently damaged and changed forever, like ill never go back to being who i use to be

i feel like he took a part of my soul from me and killed it, its like a part of who i am is dead now.

Criterion D

Persistent negative alterations in mood or cognitions refer to thoughts such as, "I have always had bad judgement" "People in authority can't be trusted" "It's all my fault my Uncle abuse me" and such thoughts.

These criterion also shift towards cessation of activities that you once enjoyed and looked forward to, such as team sport, exercise or social events. You were once a happy, outgoing person, and now you can't feel happiness, joy, satisfaction, tenderness or intimacy with your partner.

Ptsd diagnosis

&

. i dont feel like the same person anymore. everything is so stressful and i cant handle anything.

i wasnt anxious and keyed up 247, i was calm most of the time. i could get things done and funtion normally, and had my sh*t together, now i feel like i sit around and waste my life away because im constantly distracted by everything and it takes me forever to get anything done.

i could remember things, i can never remember anything anymore. my lack of memory scares me now, i feel like i have dementia and im still in my 20's. i

Are found right here...

Criterion E

Criterion E is quite behavioral, such as suddenly yelling at people, getting into fights, reckless or self-destructive behavior (dangerous driving or a sudden urge for extreme sports) excessive drug or alcohol use, self-injurious and suicidal behavior. Criterion E also covers threat potential, such as thinking you will have a heart attack at any time, will die or other accident waiting to happen. You may be jumpy, hyper-aware of your surroundings, suspicious of others and have a difficult concentrating, remembering simple things or even doing multiple things at once like you once could. This all often leads into sleep problems, sleeping a couple of hours nightly or changing your sleep patterns completely.

Ptsd diagnosis