Childhood Is This Child Abuse?

[yogaisthebest]

My parents are Pakistani and my parents hit me which is honestly, very normal for Pakistani families. BUT, sometimes they get out of control (especially my mom). I am a 13 year old girl, BTW. My dad rarely hits me, but when he does it is very painful and I often end up crying. Oh and they only do it if I do something wrong. And when my mom gets too mad, she gets really crazy and it's really scary. One time, she was about to choke me (she put her hands around my neck but that's it). My mom beats me with a wooden spoon sometimes too lol. But even though i hate them for doing it, I think I deserve it. BUT, that doesn't mean I don't feel like crying whenever they hit my 4 year old brother and 10 year old sister. My other Pakistani friends told me that their parents never lost control or something like that. Oh and they also hit me with shoes. I will never, NEVER hit my children when I grow up(but if they are old enough and they do something wrong, then I might slap them :/ maybe). I would do ANYTHING to have a new childhood. Is this child abuse? Oh and please don't insult Pakistani culture, it is changing now.

 

[hodge]

In a word, yes, this sounds like child abuse.

 

[Suzetig]

Hitting children to the point of loosing control isn't about any particular culture, Pakistani or otherwise. It's not ok to be hit with a wooden spoon or to think someone is going to choke you, yes it is child abuse.

 

[Stickler]

I think it's child abuse.

 

[hodge]

I think you need to be careful, Yoga, if your parents might buy into that whole honor culture thing.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I will not beat about the bush to coin a phrase........................ YES !!!!!!!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Pardon my phraseology but any parent hitting a child is f*ckING CHILD ABUSE, I am a father of six children and I have NEVER raised my hand in anger against any of them in the last 22 years.

If a father needs to beat and terrorize a child in this manner he is a coward, f*ck him.

I deeply apologize for my curt reply but I am horrified to even comprehend that a father can treat a child in this manner, especially a young teenager.

My father never needed to hit me like this and it matters not what creed or culture/religion the victim is from, CHILD ABUSE IS CHILD ABUSE.

 

[HappyJock]

"Even though I think I deserve it." This would be a clue to me that you'be been taught to minimize what others have done to you. Yes, I've heard that in some cultures, it's acceptable for families to hit their children for good reason, but no -- that is child abuse and that is not okay. Back to the question at hand, I'd advise you to be careful and try to stay safe. If talking helps, we're always here for you with whatever it is that you need to talk about, vent or need advice on. I'm really sorry that you're going through this, and even if may not seem like a huge deal to you, it is to us. We want you to be safe, happy and to realize that you don't deserve it. No slapping, no hitting, no chocking attempts, nothing. No matter what you do. Everything can be resolved with good communication, understanding, patience or if all else fails, talk therapy. We hope you find the love and support you need and that things change. You're brave for posting this! Hugs if you accept them. :hug:

PS: You're not alone; the whole 'cultured' thing fit in when I was a kid, I'd get hit with brooms, sticks, metal utensil things, or by her hand. Growing up, I've always thought I deserved it and sometimes I still do, but somewhere deep down, I know that it's horribly wrong.

 

[void]

My parents are Pakistani and my parents hit me which is honestly, very normal for Pakistani famili...

You are welcome here.:)
We will respect you and Pakistani culture.:)

The question of whether you are being abused or not, is NOT about culture or religion...it is about the effect that slapping, hitting and choking has on your Inner Self.

If being hit or threatened to be hit is traumatic to you, it IS abuse even if it is the norm in your society.

Trauma is the experience of something that you feel is negative and that makes you feel powerless, helpless, or afraid.

I hear you saying that the way your family treats you feels painful and hurtful to you....it is therefore abuse.

I do not know if you live in Pakistan or are only of Pakistani origin. Some countries have people who can help children and protect them from abuse. I don't know if this is available to you.

Oh, and you do NOT deserve to be traumatized...EVER.

:hug:

 

[Friday]

It isn't the hitting that makes it abusive. It's how, when, & why that determines abuse. And, yep. Losing control and attacking your child? Physically or otherwise, is abuse.

 

[Klo]

It isn't the hitting that makes it abusive. It's how, when, & why that determines abuse. And, yep. Losing control and attacking your child? Physically or otherwise, is abuse.

This. Growing up my parents didn't just give me a a swat on the butt when I was doing something potentially dangerous, in an attempt to dissuade me from doing it again. They would just lose their shit, lose control of themselves to extreme anger. And it got worse over time. It started with frenzied spankings that were more like beatings, as I would have bruises from it. Eventually it escalated to hitting with objects like sticks, kitchen utensils, whatever was handy. At some point pinching was thrown in, so that they could hurt me discretely in public, reaching under the table and pinching my legs to leave bruises on my thighs. The grand finale was when my father smashed my head into the kitchen table and knocked me out.

This is not Pakistani culture. If people insist to you that it's just your culture, they are trying to hide behind culture as an excuse. Culture doesn't make people violently attack their children. Malignant personality disorders make people attack their children. My heritage is German/Irish and I grew up in the cornfields of Indiana in an Evangelical community. It wasn't an "Evangelical thing" or an "Irish thing" or a "Midwest thing."

 

[Neverthesame]

Yes. I would tend to agree, this sounds like abuse.

My parents used to hit me when I was a child. Though I don't think it was abuse. I honestly think that if someone really wanted to use corporal punishment on a child, the way they did it, is how it should be done.

Why is it different from what you described?

sometimes they get out of control

I have never once felt this way. Anytime I did something worthy of a smack. It was one quick (not actually physically painful) swat. Made me cry, but it was from the surprise of the impact not the force of the blow.

My mom beats me with a wooden spoon

My parents never once used an impliment to beat me. No spoons, rulers, hickory switches, cat-o-nine tails.

Finally, I can count on one hand the number of times the both of them did it combined.

3. I was struck 3 times as a child. I earned every one of them.

1. I was 4, told mum to f*ck off. Never did that twice.
2. At 5 I made comment of someone tailgating my father on the motorway. "Jesus, that guy's way up your ass!" Oops.
3. I was about 8, disobeyed mum telling me to be home by a certain time. Stayed out until 4 am. Was supposed to be home by 9 pm. Worried her sick. And gave her attitude about it when I got home.

But that's it. Both of them were beaten as kids, black and blue. Over any little thing, with anything solid that was handy. While their parents screamed at them. Usually when they were drunk.

(On a side note, after having read the comments that were posted while I wrote this. I don't have children of my own, if I did, I don't see myself doing even what my parents did with me. Though I don't consider it abuse, I don't feel it would be appropriate.)

What you described does sound like abuse. I do understand different cultures have their own way of doing things. But when even your friends from the same place agree that it is excessive. Might be worth considering.