Is This Part Of Ptsd?

[PureDogs]

Hello -

Mod - If you feel that this thread is in wrong place, please do feel free to move this and let me know.

Ok - I'm back and how I am doing? I'm alright and lately, I am struggle with new flashbacks since I am collecting more information about my childhood and asked my mom to send me records. I am warned that it is sad and worried that I might get emotions and flashback. My mom suggest me to have someone to be with me when I review them. Yes, I asked for them because I felt that I need to know what has been happening.

For instance, I get angry easily when my mother goes to hospital for few days and the trigger (or stressor) is that she was in hospital so many times when I was child. Many to list and I don't feel ready to open up more about this. I might will one day.

Anyway, I was at work and I caught glimpse of myself with being snapped with my co-workers who stand nearby and watch me being on phone to collect information about the client I am working with. I told them that I will take care of it and will keep them posted as I had informed my supervisor.

Apparently, both of them did it again and I get angry about it because I feel uncomfortable, tense, and irriated when it happened. Afterwards, I realized that I made mistake and approached one of them to apologize then let know that standing watching me on the phone made me feel nervous. However, the co worker was just standing wanting to inform me something. I told the co-worker I understand that but it would be good to wait until I get off the phone. The co-worker suggest me to be nicely say "I will let you know about this and mind if I have some privacy?"

That's true, I should do that but I snapped. I was overwhelmed with shortage of staff and trying to do two clients at same time. Then co-worker become a bit upset with me and saying - You should have communicate with me, I told the co-worker that I simply tried but.. I felt too much for me.

I decided to inform my supervisor about this and co-worker come in while I was on phone again, I looked up and say "Yes? what?" The co-worker simply asked if I need anything to help, I said no, I'm fine.

I broke down and cried front of my supervisor and my supervisor listened to my venting. Encourage me to take a breath and try not dwelling on this - Just focus one client at a time.

I kept myself distant and quiet rest of the day.

I got flashbacks that tells me why I get nervous, irritated, angry about someone standing near to watch me on the phone was because it happened to me when I was teenager.

Is this part of PTSD influence me feeling this way?

Thanks

 

[arfie]

It is part of it in my own PTSD. Often it takes me a very long time to connect the trigger to the event, but I am dealing with allot of memory loss. It often causes me to react in very irrational ways.

Good awareness, pureDogs. Hope you are able to put it to good use.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'd say that the flashback part is a part of PTSD, but simply hating to be watched isn't necessarily PTSD. I mean both my brother and I HATE to be watched because my mom used to annoyingly hover over us as kids, but I have PTSD and my brother doesn't.

 

[PureDogs]

Thank you @arfie and @Solara

 

[desiderata310]

I actually have asked (with a laugh but almost rudely)for people to stop standing in my doorway.

"Come in, join me and have a seat or get the hell out of my doorway."
I laughed and told them, "you're standing between me and my escape." The truth is I am dead serious about it. I can't stand it when someone gets between me and my exit to safety. I know where it comes from: I've been trapped in a room with someone who meant me harm blocking my way. There are days it is all I can do to keep from losing it when they stand there. I use the humor and charm to deflect (and quote "The Little Mermaid" line about lingering in doorways and questionable upbringing) but truth is, it's all I can do to keep from just breaking into tears some days.

 

[PureDogs]

@desiderata310

Instead of being over reactive... Use humor and say to this co-worker "Come in and join with me on this phone conversation" might help?

 

[desiderata310]

EXACTLY.
I try not to let on and since I am the boss I can get away with being a little insistent. It helps that they see me as approachable, friendly and that I will stop what I am doing to talk to them for a moment or address their concerns.

I've only had to actually tell someone (who thought they were being funny) "STOP. I am serious, come in or go out but do NOT stand there anymore. Ya bothering me." I was just before getting to past the point of no return. They got a funny look on their face but I gave a little laugh, kicked out a chair and they came in, sat down and we had a decent conversation.
WHEW! In fact, something like that JUST happened; door hanger. I kicked out an extra seat and they took the cue to come in and sit down.