Basically - from about the age of 5 - 12 (until I told my dad visitations were done and I didn't to see him) I was emotionally and mentally abused (as I see it) by my dad. My parents split when I was 5 (slash my dad technically kidnapped me. Took me from the old house to his new place) and proceeded to brainwash me against my mom. He never seemed to be pleased with me. My hair wasn't brushed, clothes weren't neat enough, anything he could pick at, he would and of course blame my mother. In all, I never felt good enough for him.
I can still remember being on pins and needles waiting for my dad to come pick me up from my mom's. I would be pacing around the house, fidgeting and my heart would jump when I heard the door bell or see his headlights. I even remember if I was outside I would race back into the house when I saw his car because I wanted to be 'calm' once he arrived. One memory that sticks out is one night my mom and I forgot that my dad has visitation, and he was fighting with my mom about the day over the phone. Me in my oh so 'smart' 8 year oldness said "maybe he shouldn't have visitation" and of course he heard me and once I was in his car - the yelling began. I don't really remember what he said, but I was curled up in a ball.
On top of my parents fighting pretty much every time they saw each other, I was teased relentlessly at school because of my weight. Basically - kids wouldn't allow me to touch them because they would get fat, along with the usual fatty, whale, etc. That bad. All of that lead to me becoming quite the messed up child.
SO I'm going to a see a psychiatrist next month because I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about six months ago and put on Sertraline 50mg and for about maybe a month or two, things felt good. I still found my mind was racing at night, I would still remember past events or have flashbacks as you could say with some physical reactions such as cringing and such. Along with still having that anxious feeling. Usually when I went to work but I pegged that to an ex fling still working there. Finally got up the courage to show my doctor a list of things I go through on a daily basis.
I'm trying to get an idea of what's going on. My friend who has done nursing is the one who brought up PTSD, I'm still iffy on it. I know its not just generalized anxiety. Anyone have any suggestions or how I should broach this with the psychiatrist I'm seeing next month in order to get the proper diagnosis.
I can still remember being on pins and needles waiting for my dad to come pick me up from my mom's. I would be pacing around the house, fidgeting and my heart would jump when I heard the door bell or see his headlights. I even remember if I was outside I would race back into the house when I saw his car because I wanted to be 'calm' once he arrived. One memory that sticks out is one night my mom and I forgot that my dad has visitation, and he was fighting with my mom about the day over the phone. Me in my oh so 'smart' 8 year oldness said "maybe he shouldn't have visitation" and of course he heard me and once I was in his car - the yelling began. I don't really remember what he said, but I was curled up in a ball.
On top of my parents fighting pretty much every time they saw each other, I was teased relentlessly at school because of my weight. Basically - kids wouldn't allow me to touch them because they would get fat, along with the usual fatty, whale, etc. That bad. All of that lead to me becoming quite the messed up child.
SO I'm going to a see a psychiatrist next month because I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about six months ago and put on Sertraline 50mg and for about maybe a month or two, things felt good. I still found my mind was racing at night, I would still remember past events or have flashbacks as you could say with some physical reactions such as cringing and such. Along with still having that anxious feeling. Usually when I went to work but I pegged that to an ex fling still working there. Finally got up the courage to show my doctor a list of things I go through on a daily basis.
I'm trying to get an idea of what's going on. My friend who has done nursing is the one who brought up PTSD, I'm still iffy on it. I know its not just generalized anxiety. Anyone have any suggestions or how I should broach this with the psychiatrist I'm seeing next month in order to get the proper diagnosis.
