Isn't Vacation Supposed To Help You Feel Better?

[nie]

I was so looking forward to the two weeks off surrounding Christmas. I was ready to recharge my batteries, get some rest, and maybe feel better than I have been feeling as of late. Instead, I just feel more tired, depressed, agitated, etc. I am in constant pain, both physically and emotionally. I am not coping well this week. I am sad to say that I must need my therapist more than I would like to admit. He is on vacation as well, so my weekly routine is off. I feel as though I am falling apart. I love the time that I am getting to spend with my daughter, but am feeling really stressed out by spending so much time with my husband. I feel like I cannot make him happy anymore. Yesterday I had to go to physical therapy and to see the psychiatrist, so I needed my husband to care for our baby while I did that. He did, but he wasn't happy about it. I don't understand. We both wanted this, and I know that he loves her, but he just doesn't really seem to want to help with her care. On top of that, my in-laws are here for 3 days. I am just tired, but ha-ha, can't sleep. I am a little frightened too, as yesterday for the fist time in years I had the thought, "what if I just didn't try anymore?" The words, "I guess you should just put me down," (like a lame horse) came out of my mouth at PT. I cannot belive I said that out loud. If there as any good, it was that my doc thought I was joking. The sad truth is, I was not. . .

 

[kers]

Nie, I'm sorry things are hard. Vacations are hard for everyone, but maybe even more for people like us who have strong reactions when things change.

You and your husband are spending a ton more time together than usual, so it doesn't surprise me that you are frustrated with one another. There are so many more opportunities to drive each other crazy! It sounds like you want to have a conversation about responsibilities and his involvement in caring for your daughter. Would he be willing to do a couples session with you and your therapist (or another therapist)? He may feel like he 'does his part' in other ways, and needs to hear in a different environment how you imagine a good father to take responsibility.

Does your nanny still come? Can you leave baby with the inlaws for an afternoon and get out by yourself? If nothing else, is there something over-the-counter you feel comfortable taking to help you sleep tonight. You're tired, off your schedule, and you have inlaws in town. That's enough to drive anyone to despair. In a few days they will be gone, you'll be back on schedule, and weirdly, you'll have more time to rest, probably.

 

[nie]

Thanks for the encouragement. My husband will not go to therapy with me. He doesn't really see the value it in. He says, "if it helps you, then that's good," but also voices that he doesn't see why it would help. We have talked about sharing the responsibilities. He says things like "I guess I can help, but you know how to do it." Well, I say then how are you going to ever learn if you don't try? I think that part of it is that this is our first vacation with her. He is used to vacation meaning non stop video games for days, not my needing his help, and video games coming second. I will be glad to have a schedule again on Tuesday, but am dreading not being able to spend so much time with Grace. Too bad you can't just have it all.

 

[catjudo]

Ahh, the dreaded video games! I had a very similar issue when my daughter was born. I had to have a difficult and frank discussion with her dad and actually implement a rule that when she was home and awake he was not allowed to play video games. (ie he could only play video games when she was napping, after she went to bed at night, if she and I were away from home without him, etc) She was his daughter too and he needed to be participating and helping with her care. He was pretty bent out of shape at first but it didn't take long before he got used to it and it worked out better for all of us.