Relationship Isolation and my bf

[Orchid1818]

So as stated in a prior post, I'm with a combat marine vet. He is really wonderful, great guy. He tends to go into isolation, which I am getting better at dealing with. However we recently had a argument, I have generalized anxiety disorder and that day my anxiety was particularly bad. Well something miniscule happened that led to me getting upset and him needing to leave the house. I feel things were blown way out of proportion on his end. In the end I think my anxiety set off his anxiety. Here's the thing now he is in isolation but we are suppose to go on our first vacation together in 2 weeks. I'm just stressed that he isn't talking and we are suppose to go on our trip.....just need some support at the moment.

 

[grit]

You could relay on how you dealt with this in the past and see if that works still. Or you can just let it go, take care of yourself, find something to keep you happy in the meantime, be in the present and see what happens when you are on the front porch with your suitcase ready to leave.

As long as you are not losing a lot of money cause you had a ticket and resort in Indonesia, I think let it run its course.

How you can plan better in the future is probably something worth for a therapy for.

 

[Friday]

Is this the same thing from December / he’s been gone 3 or 4 months? Or a new thing?

 

[Orchid1818]

@Friday its a new isolation cycle. Can arguing set off the need for isolation?

 

[anon1234]

So as stated in a prior post, I'm with a combat marine vet. He is really wonderful, great guy. He tends to go into isolation, which I am getting better at dealing with. However we recently had a argument, I have generalized anxiety disorder and that day my anxiety was particularly bad. Well something miniscule happened that led to me getting upset and him needing to leave the house. I feel things were blown way out of proportion on his end. In the end I think my anxiety set off his anxiety. Here's the thing now he is in isolation but we are suppose to go on our first vacation together in 2 weeks. I'm just stressed that he isn't talking and we are suppose to go on our trip.....just need some support at the moment.

No advice to give unfortunately but completely and one hundred percent understand what you are going through. This post almost mirrors my current life. Hang in there. It’s tough but as was said here, try to live in the moment. That’s what I’m doing. I have a tendency to catastrophize.

 

[Orchid1818]

No advice to give unfortunately but completely and one hundred percent understand what you are going through. This post almost mirrors my current life. Hang in there. It’s tough but as was said here, try to live in the moment. That’s what I’m doing. I have a tendency to catastrophize.

@anon1234 are you a ptsd sufferer or supporter? Just curious what you mean by you have a tendency to catastrophize?

@Friday its a new isolation cycle. Can arguing set off the need for isolation?

@Friday he actually came over by the time Dec 24th came, and met my family. Which was a big deal, we had been good since then.

 

[anon1234]

are you a ptsd sufferer or supporter? Just curious what you mean by you have a tendency to catastrophize

I am a supporter. I have anxiety and I take one event and go many steps ahead to make it the worlds worst event ever without knowing all the facts. I’ve done a ton of therapy and work on myself to recognize this aspect of my personality. To be honest, this relationship helped open my eyes to many aspects of my behavior and now I am in a much better place, strangely. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop how bad isolation feels, particularly after an argument or heated words. But I have better tools for managing how I respond to these events now. And in other aspects of my life e.g. work

 

[Orchid1818]

I totally sympathize, I am in therapy for my GAD, and have been proud of myself for sending nothing but kind texts to him. I haven't yelled or sent angry messages. I'm just being patient. I just struggle with isolation and not talking before a trip gives me anxiety because traveling itself gives me anxiety. Then to wonder if my partner will be with me. Its stressful.

 

[anon1234]

I hear you. In my situation I’ve tried to always be kind. What is frustrating is that this happened after I set a boundary and explained why something upset me. I can’t get mad at myself for that. I’m not a doormat, you know?

I spent a lot of time wondering if he would ever come back during periods of isolation. I look back on those now with a bit of hindsight. He always was going to because it was loving space that I provided and he had explained his need for it. Now...now things are different. I can only take one day at a time.

 

[anon1234]

I’m sorry to hear about the holiday plans. If I am honest, that would have stressed me out too. You have every right to have feelings in this situation as well.

 

[Orchid1818]

I heard from him, but he sounded robotic.

 

[Ronin]

Robotic may be the most people can manage, at the time (and even making contact with anyone close may be exhausting / too strong emotion, or being aware you should feel emotion when that is just exhausting and you do not at the time and do not have the spoons to try).

I would just focus on the fact he contacted you, try not to take the tone personally.