Isolation and socializing

[Lionheart]

HI,
The shame and accompanying sadness baffles me. At the moment the shame furthers the PTSD's hold over me in that it makes me dislike myself even more.
Anni

Anni, for me, the shame I felt rightfully belonged to the abuse perpetrators and not to me, when I got that mentally and emotionally I ceased to be ashamed. A part of me will always carry a bit of sadness, but it no longer controls me. I also wanted to mention that I don't like crowds either, but for me it is because I feel out-numbered and I am afraid of being humiliated in public. I hope you find the reasons for your feelings so that you can begin to heal the shame.

 

[anni]

Thanks much Lionheart,

The awarenesses I find in these posts genuinely help make SENSE out of feelings.I just examined the crowd aversion and yes, I believe the humiliation fear is part of what is going on there. Even though I've had some great therapy, it had never come up that it's the perpetrators who own that shame. That is another absorbing concept which I have reflected on now and feel to be soooo accurate.

Thanks for taking the time to help with these reasons. This is just an awful way to live. It is one day at a time but with awareness and tools it's just not as dam exhausting.

Take care,

Anni

 

[Grama-Herc]

Lion

I saw this, re read it, and wonder how many of these people have managed to gain some sense of the outside world. Maybe even join it? Whatcha think?

I know I am no better. It is ironic that this thread popped up today. Gotta go to the store and pick up my meds. Always a stresser for me. Waiting in line in a rather confined space nearly does me in.

I know I look like a deer caught in headlights when I'm waiting, plus the sweating. I sweat profusely when in public. I just do much better stying home. "PERIOD"

 

[anni]

Grama,

Funny, at the moment I'm finding excuses not to have to go get some meds at the drug store. I'm actually thinking about just not taking one of the meds so I don't have to go out. Geesh. This is exhausting.

Hope you get there. I'm leaving in a bit........... possibly.

Take care,

Anni

 

[Butterlamb]

I complete understand how you feel.
I never really liked being in large groups, whether they were comprised on strangers, friends or family. But now with everything resurfacing, I'm having difficulties just leaving my room at night to go to studio and get work done. Last year I used to spend most of my nights there, but now I do not want to leave the comfort of my room.
It is really hard right now and affecting my work but I just cant stand the thought of walking over alone and then sitting in a room with god knows who for hours with nothing to say.

 

[Lionheart]

You are welcome Anni, I am happy to help if I can. I have had 12, almost 13 years of therapy and I have done a great deal of work, so it is nice to be able to help others for a change. It not only keeps me on my toes but others posts here help me a lot too and I am glad to pass on what I have learned. I wish you continued success in all you do. :smile:

 

[anni]

Hi again,

On a side note, I see you also edited your post due to grammer. :) I have to say that belonging here ALSO is cleaning up my written English correctly! The editors here are very cool about nicely reminding me to use grammer and paragraphs in a clear manner! I'm trying to be extremely careful but have to say I must be driving them insane because I've commited grammer-cide frequently.:) It's always makes me smile when I see others being careful also.

Thanks for your input. Somehow people here who have insights manage to present them as genuine caring, thoughtful support. I never feel as if I'm being preached to. It's a safe feeling.

Take care!

Anni

 

[onebravegirl]

Something that made me put a burr under my saddle when I was Isolating myself was this thought process:
Prisoners are isolated as punishment. Why? Because it is effective. Enough isolation a the prisoner will feel fear. Fear of being alone.
Am I a prisoner? Do I deserve to feel fear? Do I deserve to be punished? Who is my Prison Warden? Who wants me to feel fear? Who wants me to be alone and keep my secrets inside? Who wants me to punish myself?
Who holds the key? Meeeeeeeeee!
I can free myself! Do I deserve to be free?
HELL YES!
Ps-I'm SO going to get grammer-fied.

 

[Lionheart]

Just ran across this old thread and in looking back I can see that I have not made much progress at all.:( I am still isolating to the point of having been alone for the past 14 years. At first, it started out with the idea of, ' I am going to work on my PTSD/Depression issues and stay single till I get better'. Now I am doing better than I was, but I'm still isolating.

I do get out and visit some of my friends from time to time, but I do not take the initiative to meet new people, make new friends, or ask someone out on a date.

In the process of "working on my PTSD issues" I have almost totally isolated myself. I spend my days alone at home typing on the computer and wishing I had a social life. The most progress I have made in this area is going out to bingo night (yes, golden days are passing over) :).

I am disabled with PTSD and Major depression and I have multiple health issues. I do not drive and have lost a lot of my independence. I have gained a considerable amount of weight due to my health problems and while I am working to lose that weight, my self-image has suffered.

I am told that I am a good-looking man, someone who looks much younger than his age, but I have no confidence in myself and I loathe rejection. I think I would make someone a good and loyal partner, still, I find myself sitting here alone day after day.

To tell the truth, I am not sure I know how to change and be any different because I have isolated for so long. I have very nearly resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my life and that is really unhealthy I think.

Anyway, I don't mean to whine about my self imposed "prison", I just need some idea of how to break free from it and take my life back. I think I will bookmark this thread so I can talk to my therapist about it when I start back next month, at least that will be a start.