Isolation

[Blondie]

I have been isolating so much lately. I know from experience this isn't good. I work from home so I am alone all day and then am alone at night. Sometimes I don't see another person for four or five days. But lately I have no interest in seeing or talking to anyone and am very depressed. I have posted here before that my husband passed away in June and ever since then my PTSD is horrible. I am afraid all the time and am basically not interested in living anymore. I already feel dead anyway. I started anti depressants two weeks ago but haven't noticed much improvement. The doctor put me on Wellbutrin and Restoril. The Restoril makes my nightmares worse and I feel rather wired which I know is the opposite of what it is supposed to do. I basically feel that I am trapped in a long black hallway with no windows or doors, there is no way out. I have simply given up hope.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Blondie,

Please do not give up hope. Even though you are isolating, you reached out here.

I am sorry for the loss of your husband, and really I cannot comprehend that type of loss. Just know there are people listening and available to offer what ever support they can.

Wishing you peace.
Debbie

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Blondie, you have my support and thoughts. I'm sorry about your husband, it is a loss I can't imagine how it feels.
Well done on posting, we are here.
Give the drugs a while longer, it is still early days, if they don't help do go see your doctor. We are all different and one drug doesn't fit all.
(((HUGS)))
KP

 

[Abrasky]

Try to punch some bright holes in those halway walls of yours.
Some antideppressants also can make you feel worse and suicidal. I tried 6 antideppressants when I got PTSD. One of them actually made me get worse anxiety and gave me nightmares and feelings of suicide. You might find another antidepressant helps.
Also many therapies are available which can help acute grief. Maybe you could try lots of different types to find one that helps.

 

[WantToGetBetter]

Hi Blondie.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Losing such a loved one is very hard.

But keep in mind that this is a natural response. Everyone has thought about suicide at one point or another. I have. Once upon a time, I was sitting on a tree branch, with a noose around my neck tied to a tree branch. I know the depths and despairs you feel, although, I too understand that this means nothing to you.

I offer you a challenge. Instead of killing yourself and ending the pain and misery, why not start going out more and meeting people? Coffee shops, clubs, and so forth. Make new friends. Reach out to your relatives more. Take up a hobby. Even if it makes no difference, keep at it. See, if you kill yourself now, that will be it. The pain will go away, but you cannot negate it and counteract it. Or, you can take a risk, endure it, with, coming from a formerly suicidal person, the outcome being the negation of it and eventual general happiness— trust me.

The drugs do not help. They numb the causes. The causes are a failure to come to terms with your life. That was at the root of my evil.

Face your demons. Confront them. This will take a long time. Only you can do this.

I am not saying you will get better, there is a chance that the worst may happen. Just in that, you know my advice is genuine. Get better, my friend.

 

[WantToGetBetter]

Furthermore Blondie, if I died, and I had a loved one, the last thing I would want them to feel is pain.

Would your husband want you in such a miserable state? No. He would want you to be happy, to grieve, and to cherish the memories. Blondie, we are mere humans, to live and to die is natural. Everyone will die. The question is when.

Do you want to die now, in such a miserable state, or do you want to overcome this hurdle and die at peace? I can tell from your tone that you are not at peace.

Try my advice.

 

[kers]

Although he probably won't get back to you until next week, call your psychiatrist and leave him a message to let him know the Restoril is having the opposite effect than he expected. He might check his messages today and could be able to give you some helpful guidance about on it. The anti-depressant's effects are still kicking in. I remember the first month on my anti-depressant as so very bleak. But it got better, it gets better. Things feel awful now, but they won't always be that way. It really does get better.

 

[Tinyflame]

Grief takes so much time.
-Hugs to you,
xox

 

[just me here]

I have been in that hallway too. It gets better, but it aint easy. Stick around and see for yourself.

 

[Froggie]

I have been isolating so much lately. I know from experience this isn't good. I work from home so I am alone all day and then am alone at night. Sometimes I don't see another person for four or five days. But lately I have no interest in seeing or talking to anyone and am very depressed. I have posted here before that my husband passed away in June and ever since then my PTSD is horrible. I am afraid all the time and am basically not interested in living anymore. I already feel dead anyway. I started anti depressants two weeks ago but haven't noticed much improvement. The doctor put me on Wellbutrin and Restoril. The Restoril makes my nightmares worse and I feel rather wired which I know is the opposite of what it is supposed to do. I basically feel that I am trapped in a long black hallway with no windows or doors, there is no way out. I have simply given up hope.

Hello Blondie, my heart goes out to you as I can understand when a dear one dies. You're dealing with PTSD and grief. Meds may help at a certain level, but you need to vent out. If you cannot see your psychiatrist on a regular level, try to see a psychologist or a social worker specialized with PTSD + grief. Coming here will help a great deal and it will enable you to rekindle social abilities that you so much need.

 

[Blondie]

Thank you all for your words of support, I really appreciate it. I am feeling somewhat better today. Just trying my best to keep the negative thoughts out of my head. I am still having trouble socializing.......but will make it my New Years resolution. I am just taking things a minute at a time........and hopefully will get through this somehow.

 

[Pickle]

Hi Blondie. I just wanted to tell you you are not alone. And you are very strong. I am making the same New Year's resolution :)