This is partially a rant and partially me needing advice. Sorry in advance for the length.
I suffer from PSTD due to a string of incidents starting 8 years ago. I was formally diagnosed when I started therapy 7 years ago with PSTD as well as generalized anxiety and depression. I have seen a lot of therapists: some were just not good fits, I was unable to continue seeing a couple, I move frequently, and the last one was extremely unprofessional.
My current therapist has been reasonably helpful in the 3 years I've been seeing her (off and on: my symptoms and visit frequency vary greatly based on stress). I trust her and have a good relationship with her where I can talk. I also am very bad about keeping secrets though because it was so essential to do so in my past. One of my common feelings is that people tend not to understand how much I suffer from my symptoms because fear of the opinions of others or of often exaggerated consequences keeps me higher functioning than I would be otherwise or than I have been in more depressed states. I made a list about two months ago of everything I think people don't see (how uninterested I am with life, how for months I drove almost an hour to get groceries near where I used to live after a move) and read it to her.
After that session she tried some cognitive approaches for a couple weeks which fell flat with me because I understand how ridiculous many of my actions are and it already makes me upset that I can't apply my intellectual knowledge to my triggers, ect. I also feel she's overly focused on the anxiety aspect of my treatment, often only working on it instead of on the PTSD in general with anxiety as one of many symptoms.
Finally about a month ago she said that she wasn't sure if she could help me, and that if I wanted to find another therapist she'd understand. She spent a few minutes talking about how maybe she's not a good enough therapist for me (I've been trying not to overreact to this as it echos much of my mother's guilt tripping from my childhood, but it was certainly triggering). She then spent almost 10 minutes discussing medication. I am completely opposed to going back on medication at this point. I was forcibly committed in high school and went through a lot of different drugs for several years, most of which only made things worse. I told her at the beginning of the topic that I was uncomfortable and she knew my views on the subject, but she continued to push the issue even using the headache analogy.
I left the session feeling angry and as though my feelings had been dismissed. Irrationally it also makes me feel I'm not making enough progress, but I mostly feel that all of the trust it's taken 3 years to build up has been severely undermined. I haven't been back and have been avoiding her calls. She finally emailed me though and I need to find a way to reply. I was unable to explain at the time all of my feelings (I tend to close off easily and be unable to process) but I'm unsure if I will be able to go back even for a termination session as the thought feels extremely unsafe now.
I suffer from PSTD due to a string of incidents starting 8 years ago. I was formally diagnosed when I started therapy 7 years ago with PSTD as well as generalized anxiety and depression. I have seen a lot of therapists: some were just not good fits, I was unable to continue seeing a couple, I move frequently, and the last one was extremely unprofessional.
My current therapist has been reasonably helpful in the 3 years I've been seeing her (off and on: my symptoms and visit frequency vary greatly based on stress). I trust her and have a good relationship with her where I can talk. I also am very bad about keeping secrets though because it was so essential to do so in my past. One of my common feelings is that people tend not to understand how much I suffer from my symptoms because fear of the opinions of others or of often exaggerated consequences keeps me higher functioning than I would be otherwise or than I have been in more depressed states. I made a list about two months ago of everything I think people don't see (how uninterested I am with life, how for months I drove almost an hour to get groceries near where I used to live after a move) and read it to her.
After that session she tried some cognitive approaches for a couple weeks which fell flat with me because I understand how ridiculous many of my actions are and it already makes me upset that I can't apply my intellectual knowledge to my triggers, ect. I also feel she's overly focused on the anxiety aspect of my treatment, often only working on it instead of on the PTSD in general with anxiety as one of many symptoms.
Finally about a month ago she said that she wasn't sure if she could help me, and that if I wanted to find another therapist she'd understand. She spent a few minutes talking about how maybe she's not a good enough therapist for me (I've been trying not to overreact to this as it echos much of my mother's guilt tripping from my childhood, but it was certainly triggering). She then spent almost 10 minutes discussing medication. I am completely opposed to going back on medication at this point. I was forcibly committed in high school and went through a lot of different drugs for several years, most of which only made things worse. I told her at the beginning of the topic that I was uncomfortable and she knew my views on the subject, but she continued to push the issue even using the headache analogy.
I left the session feeling angry and as though my feelings had been dismissed. Irrationally it also makes me feel I'm not making enough progress, but I mostly feel that all of the trust it's taken 3 years to build up has been severely undermined. I haven't been back and have been avoiding her calls. She finally emailed me though and I need to find a way to reply. I was unable to explain at the time all of my feelings (I tend to close off easily and be unable to process) but I'm unsure if I will be able to go back even for a termination session as the thought feels extremely unsafe now.
