It Happened. Now What?

[mytai]

@digger1 It's 6:30 now. I am hurt, a lot more than last time. I'm going into the centre in less than 2 hours. Still emotionally numb, but the internal screaming has gotten louder and more intense. I think today is going to be a long day.

I thought that maybe some sleep would help clear the fog surrounding what happened, but it didn't. Everything is still in a fog, images, sounds.. Sounds are muffled, images are just foggy shadows. But I can feel a lot of the injuries being inflicted. I don't know if this was me dissociating during it or not. So different from anything I've ever felt before. Extreme detachment from it all, but I still know it's happening to me.

 

[digger]

Are you able to get to the hospital safely? If you need to talk before you go and want to message me that's fine. No judgement xx

 

[Echo]

@mytai, I hope you find some really good help today. Someone to explain to you what's happening and maybe give you something to calm you down a bit and make it manageable for you, if that's what you feel you'd like. No judgements from me either, and, I hope, from anyone here. Just wishing you all the appropriate support and healing in the world.

 

[Rumors]

Sending strength! Hang in there..

 

[mytai]

@digger1, @Echo, and @Rumors, I went this morning. Took about 4 hours or so. The exam was different this time. Turns out on Friday night/Saturday morning they didn't do the full kit, just testing and making sure I was medically ok. This time it was a full forensics evidence kit. She took a lot of swabs, used a blue light on my body, took a lot of measurements and pictures of the scratches, bruises, and burn on my body. I didn't take anything to help calm me down, or have anyone aside from the sexual assault nurse there.

She let me shower after, then gave me the plan B pill again just in case. This time I don't know if that happened, everything is still foggy. She marked down how swollen my neck was before I left. The SA nurse got me an appointment with the social worker there this afternoon, that's in 3.5 hours. Gave me a note for work just saying I was in the hospital yesterday and today. I go back again on Friday for a follow-up, they are going to check the burn again. The second burn is a lot worse than the first burn. The first one only his first initial was fully burned in, the second initial was done yesterday and it is black, green, and swollen.

Going home to my parents a day early, since I'm not going into work today. I will be there until Thursday afternoon when I drive back. Then Friday I have 3 appointments, massage, therapy, and follow-up with the SA nurses. Still feeling very emotionally numbed out, the internal scream is still there. The last two trips to the hospital I cried a lot, hysterically at some points, but not today, today I've been dry eyed and numb. Can't feel how wrong this is, can't feel any emotions. Just physical pain from the injuries.

 

[digger]

Do you have a plan for if you need extra medical treatment while you're at your parents if there's a problem with any of your injuries?

Am I right in thinking they live quite a way from your uncle?

How are you feeling about seeing the social worker?

 

[digger]

Sorry that's a lot of questions....I'm just concerned about you and your safety xx

 

[mytai]

@digger1 There is a hospital I can go to near my parents, several actually.

You are right in thinking they live quite a way from my great-uncle. I will be almost 4 hours away from him.

I really have no feelings regarding seeing the social worker, good or bad.

 

[Abstract]

I am so very sorry mytai.I want you to know that not one of us is going to judge you for any single thing. I think most of us are in awe of your bravery. You are doing things that a lot of us have never managed to do.

Remember you are not judged here. I big well done for going to the hospital after.

Do you have any sign that you could have the type of dissociation where you find you have bought things that you don't like or signs that things have happened that you don't remember but you have signs of having happened? Like finding cigarettes when you don't smoke. I thought I would just throw that out there. No need to answer. The blanks don't have to be about that at all. I know I get them.

I am glad that the sa nurse has been there as someone to help you. Lots of support and good luck with the social worker. .

 

[digger]

I wasn't meaning distance from hospital really, more if you have any plans to tell them anything, or how you will explain your injuries if not?

 

[mytai]

@Abstract No I don't have that type of dissociative disorder. My T has gone through a lot of that with me to see where I fall within the dissociative disorders.

@digger1, Oh, well I hadn't really thought about it. But I guess I would just tell them that I'm dealing with the sexual assault treatment centre in my city and that I need to see somebody before my appointment on Friday. Don't think it would be necessary to hash it out again, nor would I want to.

 

[Abstract]

Me either @mytai.